Ive been with my boyfriend for six years and we have a two year old son together. My bf has been kinda macho rude ever since i got with him but seemed to be softening a bit before my unexpected pregnancy and then during the pregnancy he began to get a bit more critical and refused to get a job or help around the house. After my son was born he continued to be rude or complain and never helped with the baby. Strangely if we were around people he would want to hold the baby to show friends and family that he took care but then once we were home or alone it was all on me again.
Im really small Im 5’3" and usually 105-110 lbs. But after baby I was like 125 lbs and he called me cottage thigs and fat and ugly at only six weeks after baby born. I had to beg him to get a job and continuously ask for him to help with the baby or pick up the meses he made all over the house.
Once he was working also he wanted to control all the finances and we ended up not having enough money for rent. I lost all my baby weight and he didnt hardly notice. I hadnt felt like being intimate wih him because of his difficult and rude behaivor until sevral months post baby. When we did returnt intimacy he still complained even though i was being adventurous and spontaneous like he asjed. Eventually i did give up because he still complained, called me names and didnt help and made messes and didnt clean so in my eyes, I had met his request to be intimate again but he wasnt making any other efforts.
When we had to move he wanted to play video games instead of help me move boxes so i did it all myself and ended up hurting my back so bad its taken an entire year to heal and fix it. Doctors had me not lifting anything over five lbs and lifting nothing above my head. During that time i gained a little weight up to 125 lbs. Still healthy range just not as in shape as usual. Hes called me fat and said i dont fit in my clothes even though i do. Hes looked at me with complete disgust and said he deserves better even though I am not overweight, i have curves, i take good care of myself and dress nice, keep my nails manicured and my makeup and hair are always done. Ive had so many people tell me im beautiful and past boyfriends never said things like this to me. I feel like my self esteem is widdling away because of this. His comments and actions and unwillingnes to be a team in raising our son and work together as a couple to keep a healhy relationship make me not want to be wih him intimately which then frustrates him.
He also attacks me as a person saying Im a nerd because Im intelligent or minimizes my successes or says my prefrences are stupid.
Since my back injury Ive lost weight and still would like to loose more but his rudenes totally kills my motivation.
What should I do?
Part of me just wants to find a way to leave him but what about our son. He cant take care of our boys I would need and want him with me and what do I say I left ur daddy cuz hes a jerk?
Advice and support is really needed.
Thanks for reading
Xo
Kick his loser ass to the curb, then soak him for child support. Seriously, what he’s doing is called emotional and verbal abuse.
That’s the only answer here. No more needs to be said.
Yip. Nothing further to add.
Welcome to the Dope.
How can you think the responses would be anything other than what has already been posted? Unless your BF gets an account and we get some really excellent BBQ Pit threads everything reads that you are doing everything responsible in the relationship.
If everything hinges on your son, why would you want to bring up a son with him as a father figure?
Oh shit…my bad.
XO right back.
Hi and welcome to the SD.
Those are indeed serious problems. As you say in your title, he “doesn’t see it.”
My suggestion is to go to counseling together. It’s possible that, with the help of a third party, he will begin to “see it.”
If he doesn’t respond to the suggestion of going to counseling together, give him an ultimatum: go to counseling, or you leave.
If you go to counseling together and are lucky, he might shape up and you can be together. If not, you still have the option of leaving.
Good luck to you!
He’s been macho and rude since you got him? Six years together?
He showed you who he really was (rude and macho) from the start, you just refused to see. Four years of his bullshit and you think, “Yeah, a baby would be great! What could go wrong?”
And now you’re shocked he’s abusive about your weight, refuses to work or help you care for the child? You’re a nerd because you’re intelligent? Sorry, you don’t seem all that intelligent to me. Of course next to your mouth breathing baby Daddy, you must be a freaking genius, so I guess it’s understandable that you would see yourself as such.
“He can’t take care of our boys…”, wait, what? How many children do you have exactly?’
Would rather raise a child amid this nonsense than admit that you left him because he was a jerk? That’s some really unsound reasoning right there. It bodes very badly for your child’s upbringing.
I wish you all nothing but Good Luck. Buckets, boatloads and oceans full of good luck. You’re surely going to need it, and then some!
Stay with him if you want to raise a young man just like him.
Colour me jaded and cynical but I’m pretty sure the OP is having a larf, what with the grade 6 grammar skills and mad poll skills on first time out of the gate.
Sounds to me like the boyfriend is a big jerk, but may also be hostile because he feels guilty about something.
If you would honestly stay with a guy who won’t work, won’t take care of the house or child, and insults you on a regular basis because you’re scared of a few awkward questions from a toddler, there is absolutely nothing any of us can say or do to help you.
You tell your son – when he’s old enough to ask and understand – that his father was abusive and you didn’t want that influence on him. You did not want him to learn how to treat women poorly – and how to disrespect his mother – from his father.
What makes no sense to me whatsoever is that you would remain in an abusive relationship because of the opinion of a toddler. YOU are the parent. YOU are the adult. It’s YOUR job to raise your son and keep him safe. You put the child at risk when your asshole starts ratcheting things up from verbal abuse to physical abuse. And how does Asshole talk to his own son? With love and respect and all that a daddy should be?
DTMFA.
:rolleyes:
Potentially a good life lesson.
As your son grows, you could talk with him about the kind of things that once attracted you to your *(ex-)*boyfriend, and the kind of things that drove you away. Share with him your hopes that he’ll grow up learning to care for other people’s feelings.
You’re assuming the guy wouldn’t have any custody or visitation rights. Is that a reasonable assumption?
Does the OP seriously think that objective strangers might even remotely suggest she hang with her baby-daddy based upon how she’s described him?
If so, then she should probably stay.
She should definitely see a lawyer. As others said, she’ll want to collect child support from him. And she’ll want to have visitation rights clearly defined. She may want to have limits set on the amount of time the father can spend with his son and the frequency of visits.
^^ this. I’m not voting in a poll that has been designed to get one response.
Even if he gets 50-50 joint custody, leaving him shows her son that women deserve to be treated well (assuming she doesn’t repeat this pattern with the next guy). Staying with him sends a very loud message to the son about how women are treated by men and it’s not pretty.