F*ck You & Your New Girlfriend

The BBQ Pit
21

Thanks you all -

Him treating the 3.5 yr old so badly in the past 2 days HAS been my wakeup call. I can take it, with my counseling and tongue biting, but shes a child, and she doesn’t know how to say “Oh f*ck you” and blow it off.

I was very fearful of contacting his CO’s but I think I am going to sneak myself into the highest ranking person who will see me and give dry basic facts. I appreciate that suggestion!!

snifffff snifff… ok i smell a SKUNK in here somewhere… literally
(note: do not microwave Green Giant Garlic Roasted Potatoes… they smell bad)

Anyway - Someone advised me to call his Co and say he hit/shoved me, and to have him removed from the apartment (since im not on the lease but have established residency) That way i wouldnt need a place to go right away… but I cant see lying to cover my own ass that way. Would make me a lot like him.
I think i’ll ask him to leave and go stay with his girlfriend - surely she wouldnt mind putting up with him - hee hee.

So ill do the attorney/co thing definately and see what happens from there.

I really appreciate the great input and the encouragement!!!
I expected a bunch of guys to laugh and call me a dumb whore - guess i can be thankful not everyone is like im afraid they are!!

Thanks, really.

22

Why would we think of you as a dumb whore? Is that what he has been telling you? What a dispicable waste of genetic material.

Of course there will be people who judge you about not being married, but mostly those are the people who would find another reason to judge you it isn’t worth your time to worry about.

As soon as you start looking you will find you have alot more resourses than you thought you did.

23

Pffft @ people who judge me because im not married -

The first thing his mother said when we got pregnant, was “I don’t think you should get married” and “i just wanted better for my childrens lives” - “but i will welcome any child into my family”

God knows unless she approved, he’d never do it, no matter what he claimed he wanted to do.

Rather glad I didn’t marry him now. :slight_smile:
Would be more expensive to get rid of him that way.

24

Yes, you are right, that is bad advice and would come back to bite you in the ass later. It would compromise any statement you would make in the future. The truth is bad enough, stick with it. Good luck to you.

25

Just go to his CO (or the base legal office)and tell them the truth – that he’s abandoning his pregnant common-law wife and child for a girlfriend, kicking you out of your home, and refusing any help with medical expenses for his child’s upcoming birth, not to mention refusing to help you support the children – and also in the meantime get a lawyer to file a legal separation and get him tossed out of the apartment. Just because it’s in his name doesn’t mean, if your state recognizes common-law marriage, that he can’t be kicked out. IANAL, so talk to one, but don’t assume he holds all the cards.

And there’s no way I think you’re a dumb whore. I think you’re a woman trapped in a really nasty situation who at least had the guts to ask for suggestions on how to get out of it, instead of just sitting there and letting it turn into something even nastier. Don’t believe what he tells you. HE is the coward. YOU are the one with courage. Act on it, now, for your sake and the sake of your children!!

And if you don’t know where to find a lawyer, contact your local bar association. They’ll have an attorney referral service and will send you to someone who will generally give you a half hour free consultation. You might also check with your local Legal Aid, since they may be able to help you, depending on your income level. Check out www.lsc.gov for more information on federal eligibility levels for the federally-funded legal aid programs – it’s not a guarantee your local program will or can help you, but it’s a starting point, and can also help you locate your local legal aid office.

26

You’re getting some great advice here, and giving yourself some good advice along the way, too girlb0x. With the healthy attitude you have towards this situation, I know you can do whatever you set your mind to. Good luck. You’ve got a lot of people here pulling for you. :slight_smile:

27

Lots of good advice here. Good luck.

28

girlb0x writes:

> I expected a bunch of guys to laugh and call me a dumb whore -
> guess i can be thankful not everyone is like im afraid they are!!

It sounds to me like you’ve been treated badly all your life. Anyone who would call you a dumb whore is an utter jerk. I’m worried most about your lack of self-esteem. The fact that you think that people might call you a dumb whore suggests to me that you’ve been mentally abused all your life and are in need of some help for your complete lack of self-esteem. You need to get some counselling (and, I gather from the OP, you have gotten some). I’m no expert on how to obtain counselling, but I presume that there’s some way to find cheap counselling, just like there’s some way to find cheap legal aid. You need both legal and psychological help. Can anyone suggest where to check for psychological counselling?

Get yourself out of this situation with your boyfriend. Get some legal help so that he pays you and your children the proper amount of child support. And then get some counselling. It sounds to me like you’ve suffered through a lot of mental (and maybe physical) abuse in your life, and you’re going to need some help on learning how to avoid bad situations like this in the future. Neither you nor anyone else deserves to be treated the way you have been.

29

I’m reading this too, and I must say - I’m so sorry he’s being such a dick.

Girl, you are what, 8 months pregnant now? You need someone to be holding your hand and driving to get you some chinese food and ice cream right now, not an inconsiderate asshole. :mad:

And! Being mean to a 3 year old child is unforgivable. That is just uncalled for.

Thank you for trying to stay for your kids, and thank you for then waking up and making the decision to leave. It’s going to be damned hard on you at first, especially after that little one is born and you go through all that sleep-deprivation and hormones. Just hang in there though, what you are doing for yourself and your kids is wonderful.

I wish I could help you out with this . . . . but know that you are not alone out there in the world and please post or write when you need to.

30

If he thought he could get out of paying for medical expenses by making you get welfare, he clearly is delusional. The State will go after him and they will get the money. It will be court ordered, and funny thing, the state can’t be bullied out of it.

Keep us updated. You will probably need people to talk to, and clearly the ones you have there have not been healthy for you.

PS. QUIT MOVING FURNATURE!!! I know the last month is hard, and God knows that he isn’t making it easier, but it will be better for you, your daughter, and your baby, if the baby stays where it is for right now. Be careful.

31

You don’t deserve to be called a whore or stupid. I haven’t met many people who simply became jerks overnight so I don’t think this is just a recent problem. You made a bad choice and shouldn’t compound it by staying with this individual. It isn’t going to do you, or your kids, any good to stick with this guy. Make sure you get some legal help from either the military or elsewhere.

Marc

32

Yep, what all the others said, Leave in a cloud of dust (or smoke if you burn all of his shit before you go)

Pricks like this give decent fellas like me a bad name, he should be castrated in public!!

33

YOU were moving FURNITURE?!?!?!? Are you NUTS?? For Ogs sake woman make his lazy fucking ass get up and do it. It’s the LEAST he can do while your carrying HIS baby. What kind of fucknugget is this worthless piece of crap? Sit your butt on the couch and YOU play the damn video games. Give him an ultimatum. Either straighten up, drop the skanky whore hes screwing and start acting like a father or you’ll take the kids and slap his ass with 500+ a month child support PER KID. Guys like this piss me right the fuck off.

34

It wouldn’t increase their happiness either. And you don’t deserve this kind of unhappiness.

From whom do you “keep hearing” this, anyway?

35

Your SO needs to grow-the fuck-up and be a man. You giving him a healthy bitch-slap into reality, via child support, will take him a long way in that direction. But don’t bet on him changing anytime soon and don’t hang around to see how long it’s going to take.

Continue with the counselling and get your own head clear; you have two young ones to nurture and protect. My best wishes to you and your children.

36

from someone who has been there-don’t sacrifice your happiness. he does not deserve it.
if its any consolation, my former husband was Much worse.

You, however, have quite an engaging writing style, girl!
may I suggest some free lance writing gigs?

37

I don’t know what I can add to this except for my support.

girlb0x you’re doing the right thing in leaving.

38

Good God.

girlb0x, your story could me my story, even down to the military intel bit.

Listen, my ex did the same thing, calling his gf in front of me, etc. I played martyr for about a week, and then grew some balls.

One thing I figured out was that my ex was too much of a coward to get out of our relationship in an honest way, so he pretty much made my life hell until I kicked him out. So really, in moving out you’re doing both of you a favor.

Also, get a lawyer, immediately. File for legal separation, and start those child support checks coming.

This process you’re going through could very well be the worst of your life, but I’m here to tell you that I’ve been through it and have come out on the other side rather happily. One year after I dumped my ex, I figured out he was a loser and stopped crying for him. Two years after I dumped my ex I started really liking how strong and independent I was. Three years after I dumped my ex I was in a position to start a new relationship, (and yes, there are loads of men out there who will love you, even if you’ve got children – I was sure no man would want me because I had a child).

Six years on, my ex and I actually get along really well, and our son is much better off for it.

A website that really helped me through the process was www.singlerose.com. Its a website for single parents, and the people there are very very supportive. They also know exactly what you’re going through and give loads of advice.

39

Girlbox said, "Thanks for saying that - it’s how i feel, but keep hearing “you’d be a horrible mother to not sacrifice your happiness to allow those children to know him” and i think it’s just gotten to me, and made me feel like he really may have done nothing wrong. "

I did that. My son now knows that his dad was a shithead who didn’t care about him. And I looked like an idiot just because it was “fair” for my son to know his dad. You’ll look like and idiot (and feel like one, too) if you do this. He can have a “relationship” with his father without you being a doormat. If he truly cares about the kids, he’ll support them and SUPPORT YOU in building a new life for yourself. Do it. It hurts and it sucks, but do it anyway.

40

I really want to say “hear hear” to everything Ouisey had to say! For sure!
And … I want to add my support. You certainly don’t write or seem to think like a stupid person. And, last I knew, the “whore” is the one that’s off screwing everything else that looks like fun, while still in a relationship. So, seems that name belongs on the other side of the conversation.

I very much agree with everyone who said to go directly to the C.O. (And to the base legal office)! Not only will the military be Sure the man contributes his child support, but, given that he’s in the “spies are us” organization AND participating in “questionable” activities in his personal life, there are security clearance issues here, for both him And the babe of the week. The C. O. also needs to know that the botw, also, apparently under his/her command, is co-participating in questionable/black-male-able life-choices.

Wouldn’t y’all just Love to hear “assclown’s” descriptions of how You have been pulling away … and why it is that he wasn’t really In a relationship? I’m betting this gal does Not know she’s catching a butt-head that is busy bailing out on his partner because she’s less fun and cute while pregnant. Either that of the cal doesn’t have enough of a memory to recall that she wasn’t her most cute or most charming during her pregnancy!
Go for it girl, while I’m not very good at predicting the next poster, in that other thread, I can predict with absolute certainty, that this life-support-system-for-a-penis is not going to be spending any quality time with either of his children, even if you do stick around and live in the same place with him, till he kicks you out. That’s a given, you are Not taking away any “getting to know your father” time, if you manage to kick him out, the only getting to know your father time they’ll be getting will be “get out of my way, I’ve got to go spend time with my girlfriend’s children, so she’ll be happy with me.”

You’ve got me cheering for you, all the way, including getting legal help from either legal aid or from the base lawyers, themselves, to get him kicked out of the apt, and to get enough childsupport coming in to allow you to live there.
The think you’ve got to consider, now, is… if his C.O. has a little “get your life back on track … so you don’t get kicked out of here…” conversation with your S.O. AND B.O.T.M. … and he comes back to say, “I’m sorry, honey, lets just get back together …” You gonna give him a chance to see if he can grow up?

Cheerin’ for ya!