The thread about social isolation brought this question to the forefront of my mind, though I’ve wondered about it before. I think my join date of last year maybe still qualifies me as a newbie but I read many, many more posts than I write. Threads like the “isolation” one and many other posts I’ve seen here since I discovered the SDMB have often made me wonder whether anyone’s ever tried to put together something like a “personals” site for readers of this board.
I know based on some old posts that there are occasional get-togethers, but I’d think those would only ever be as well attended as regional proximity or personal finances for travel allow. I also gather that many posters are either married or in serious relationships, but there sure seem to be a lot of threads/posts where Dopers are talking about not knowing how to meet a new partner or close friend. Lots of times the Doper in question will specifically mention finding it more difficult because of not being interested in small talk or having less mainstream tendencies (hence being SDMB regular perhaps). I guess individual Dopers have the option of sending a PM to someone they might want to know more about based on that person’s posts here, but I’ve actually considered that and for some reason it feels creepy or dumb, like maybe if I ever did so the person would either ignore it or message back “THIS ISN’T A SINGLES BAR” or something equally chastising. :rolleyes: Obviously it’s NOT a singles bar, this place is meant for a totally different purpose, and yet… when these types of threads pop up I can’t help being reminded that each of us is a flesh and blood human being behind these posts and the fact that we’re all gathered here means we have at least one thing in common, right?
I dunno. Just something that other thread made me think about (again), and probably the time of year, too. If it’s a ridiculous question, feel free to lob tomatoes or other detritus of your choice.
A number of couples have met here and more than a few have gotten married and had kids. It can happen. We are way too spread out geographically to make a singles meet up thread work but I see no reason why you couldn’t try with the usual disclaimer that the Straight Dope isn’t responsible for what might happen in a real life meeting.
IIRC this has been brought up periodically over the years a suggestion, more so in the past when we were scrambling for funds for the board, but I think the consensus was that being a matchmaking dating site was not in the SDMB wheelhouse and might make participation awkward if two members had a fallout.
Plus, just from an interaction point of view people like to be seen at their best for new people they are meeting for potential relationships. If a poster is active over time a lot of that person’s life, their fears, foibles, mistakes and petty personal issues will be available for review by the other party. Not sure that’s how most people would want to start out. The relative anonymity of the board is one reason people post here.
I think you’re brave to suggest it, Lee Q., but I like your idea.
I’m a noob on this forum, too, but I lurked awhile before joining so have been reading the place for a few years. It seems to me the personal relationships that evolve in this forum are hard won and regarded as faintly unseemly. Not that anyone minds that some people may get together, but just don’t make any fuss about it. It’s all quite cerebral or piercingly snide and witteh, but true displays of warmth between members are a rarity. I’m not surprised that the responses to your suggestion so far are not enthusiastic.
That said, my own experience of online friendships/relationships is that physical distance may or may not matter. Online is just another way of meeting people. My late husband was Australian. We carried on the ultimate long distance relationship for a few years before we were able to get together on the same continent. It was the best relationship I ever had. No regrets for all we went through to be together. Only that our time together was so tragically short.
I doubt this forum will encourage a special spot for singles to interact, but neither do I think it is creepy or dumb to reach out via PM to others whom you would like to get to know better.
As for astro’s concerns about awkward participation if two members fall out, this happens all over the internet every day and it is no big deal. Mods are well equipped here to deal with inappropriate behavior, whatever the basis may be for that. Many people here are smart and mature enough to work out their differences without making it the board’s business.
I like the idea in theory, but in practice I don’t think we have quite the user base to make it work, and this place isn’t as social as it used to be. It has worked out for some people who met here, but that’s without any sort of deliberate thread or forum for personals. And I have made friends here that have carried over into real life.
Actually being serious about it, you have it pretty much dead on. From here I have made some real life friends and used the forums to continue that relationship. But to enter a thread with that intent or have a forum for that purpose IMHO would take thousands (maybe tens of thousands) more members than we have. I’m in a part of the country pretty heavy in members and we haven’t had a Dopefest since 2005 or earlier; any I’ve attended have been at least a 2 hour drive. It isn’t that the people around here are bad people or anything - more that we joined for the exchange of ideas more than for social reasons. If the TPTB decide to give it a swing, in one form or another, all power to them. But I’m not sure just how well it could work.
If someone is seeking an LTR what matters is the total package. Not the carefully groomed best-behavior money’s no object dating game. To be sure it’d be a total screw-up for a suitor to look at the former while using the scorecard they normally use to evaluate the latter.
IMO the OP’s idea would fail here simply from lack of numbers versus our spread-out geography. But I don’t think the OP or anyone else should feel afraid to make PM inquiries to whoever he/she is interested in. But be willing to be told “Thanks, but no thanks” and drop it at that.
I think if I were not in a relationship I might send a p.m. to someone if I had interest in them. I can’t count the times I have read a post and thought to myself I would really like to meet a woman that can think like this. I doubt a polite p.m. would be considered harassment of any kind.
Well, in the interest of full disclosure, we’re talking Pittsburgh natives; you know? The Three Rivers region? People here don’t cross rivers. Don’t ask me why but they just don’t cross rivers. So have a get-together in the North Hills and it may as well be in Mars for the people in the South Hills. In fact Mars ¶ would be better – they could hit the Turnpike and swing over from Route 8.
In most cases, it wouldn’t. I should think any PM expressing admiration for what one said would be received with a smile.
I attempted to message someone here once but their settings didn’t allow any PMs. Pity, because I really enjoy his/her posts and would have enjoyed getting to know them better.
I’ll take the opportunity here (as I often do when I see a post referring to that somewhat moribund portrait gallery) to remind everyone that they can (and should, IMO) put their picture in their user profile for everyone to see. I really, really, encourage everyone to do this. I want to start a movement to get this going!
I dunno, it doesn’t sound like a terrible idea but like others have said I also don’t know how successful it would be. Like Gatopescado, I’m also in the middle of nowhere but I think being close-ish to a major city might mean more people in my area. Honestly, at this point I’m more interested in meeting just friends. And as Robot Arm said, not knowing the gender of people, going into it with just the intent of being friends would probably be more successful.
Oh, personally, I’m not interested in any relationship that doesn’t start as friends first. There’s a lot to be said for friendships that catch fire. If they don’t (and they most often don’t), you may find you still have a good friend.
I never get to know anyone having expectations of where things will end up.
