The kids are out, done with college and on their own now. One of the 3 is gay. I’m the Dad.
The kids are all home for the holidays and the other night all 5 of us in the kitchen having drinks, talking this and that, a general good time. Jeopardy is on the TV and a question came up of who was married on the Johnny Carson show. I answered that was Tiny Tim, and what a queer character he was back then. The two straight ones immediately get on my case about how that is insulting to say, etc.
I answer them I was not insulting anyone and I was using “queer” in the original sense of the word as in a person that is very odd. Nothing to do with sexuality and as I recall he married a Miss Vicky who was definitely a woman. Also that even for the strange times of the 60’s and 70’s Tiny Time certainly qualified for as that. Beyond odd and in the queer status range, at least IMHO.
So my question is using the word “queer”, in any way, now an insult to the gay community.
If someone isn’t familiar with the original use of some words like “gay” and “queer”, you will be obligated to explain. It’s not unusual for words to change their meaning over time. Even “rape”, once used to lighthearted advantage in The Fantasticks, cannot be accepted that way anymore.
If you think that’s bad, try using “niggardly” sometime and see what happens.
Yeah, and that’s another thing! I resent you people using that word. That’s our word for making fun of you! We need it!! Well I’m taking back our word, and I’m taking back my son!
Word choices for groups change over time. In the past half century there has been lots of variation. Groups, media and authors will also push terms for identity, fame and money.
Queer seems to be something like the n-word; once the vilest insult that could be applied to its respective group, part of the group is now attempting to reclaim the term as a badge of pride.
My thoughts on this are that while the involved and activist might want to proudly call each other n*r or queer, the average person on either side of the divide is best off using less challenging terms.
My further thought, which is tangential to this discussion, is that the “differently gendered” population needs to quit adding letters to their acronym and decide on a single, representative and usable term for their group interests. From LG to LGB to LGBT to (most recently) LGBTQ, it’s just getting Monty-Pythonesque silly.
The OP is asking something very different. Not, is it OK for straight people to call gays “queer”, but rather, can we no longer use “queer” to simply keen “odd”, without any reference to sexuality.
My guess is probably so. For better or worse, if you say “queer” most Americans are going to think “gay”, so if you don’t mean “gay”, don’t say “queer”. Say “odd”.
Words don’t belong to anyone person or group. But if you use a word that can have multiple meanings within the same context, be prepared to greeted by raised eyebrow. Protestations of innocence will only take you so far.
The word “Queer”, (and also the word “Gay”, let’s not forget), have been co-opted by the homosexual community. Their original meanings have been lost and we all have to get with the times. I personally find that tough. I hate the notion of a mis-use of a word changing its definition. Nevertheless, here we are.
“Queer” was/is a pejorative term, and it’s been made their own. I think it’s a bit of BS to call it offensive “some of the time”. After all, there is a show called “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” that I remember well. It’s becoming one of those “we can say it but you can’t” type words, or “it’s offensive when it’s convenient to be offended” setups. Getting pissy about someone using the word properly is hypocritical and self-righteous. It’s doubly true when the two aggrieved parties are your own sons who surely know your heart and that you are not a hate filled person.
Having said all that, it’s a word that has a lot of baggage, so the safe route is just to avoid it, no matter how unjustifiable one might think the taking of offense is.
“Reclaim”, as you say, is the better term to describe this. “Usurp” as in the OP isn’t right.
“LGBTQ” is hardly most recent. “LGBTQQIAA” for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, Intersex, asexual, ally” has been in use for a while already. There are various further letters and numbers that sometimes get added but as far as I know their usage still varies, such as another “T” for “third gender”, a “2” for “2 spirit”, a “P” for “pansexual”, and more.
Well, I can point out that JBS Haldane’s famous comment “The universe is not only stranger than we imagine, but stranger than we can imagine” actually uses “queerer” in the original. Part of the change to “stranger” was that “queer” was perceived as a Britishism that would not be understood on this side of the pond… homosexual overtones being no added plus.
Closer to the OP’s point, I’ve also always liked Schleisinger’s comment that “Gay used to be one of the most agreeable words in the English language. Its appropriation by a notably morose group is nothing less than an act of piracy.”
Whether either word can be redeemed and give a gay note to a presentation without sounding queer, I don’t know.
I had an older co-worker from Ireland about 10 years ago who had missed the memo and called someone a niggard. Fortunately, the cheapskate in question was white. He took the time to tell the Irish guy to retire that word from his vocabulary. The Irish guy couldn’t/wouldn’t grasp why it was so potentially dangerous a word.
It looks like there were lots of replies in the time it took me to write my initial reply, but it looks like most of us are on the same page.
I’ve had experience with a number of minority groups looking to band together to secure rights and recognition, and there are two paths for them: an “all for one/one for all” model that concentrates on the similarity of the component needs with the aim of including them all, and the “wait, wait, I’m a little bit different and thus special and must be separately identified” model that promotes nothing but ego, isolation and failure.
I can only liken it to every person of non-white color fighting to have their individual ancestry recognized in separate acts and regulations, vs. recognizing that if Dahomeyans get theirs, Malians will, too. Unless the Malians choose to opt out because it’s just not the same thing and only the most ignorant White Person could think so.
Huh. I’ve used the phrase “how queer” without anyone batting an eye. I tend to use it in a jocular sense (but not always) but I’ve also heard it in the wild in the original sense of “weird” without any old-fashioned sense intended. It’s never struck me as a forbidden word (except when clearly being used as an epithet.) It can cause some confusion, but I’m pretty sure I can say “He’s a queer individual” to almost all my friends and few, if any, would think I’m discussing his sexuality.
In think its important to keep in mind that it wasn’t gays who co-opted the word, it was homophobes who began using it as an anti-gay slur. There’s also a bit of a divide in the gay community over the word. A lot of gays (usually older people) really, really hate the word, even when used by other gay people as a self-identifier. In the long run, I think it’s going to end up being a perfectly acceptable word for non-heterosexuals, but its not quite there yet.
I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to ween the gays off our love of large an unwieldy acronyms, though. We’re like the military that way. My boyfriend is involved in a group of gays from Middle Eastern backgrounds. It’s called the Southwest Asian North African Bay Area Queers, or S.W.A.N.A.B.A.Q. My boyfriend argued that “Gayrabs” was punchier and easier to remember, but they didn’t go for it.
Gayrab = pure genius. They should change the name before someone else steals it.
And, OP, my dad (in his 80s) will occasionally use the word queer, meaning odd…and we kids always jump all over him that he could be offending someone who is gay. His complaint is the same as yours–that he is using the word appropriately. I think it’s just a generational thing.