is there a reason from the past why it is considered rude to wear your hat at the dinning table or is it just rude because it is ?
This site explains hat etiquette in brief, but any explanation for specific behaviors (other than those based on religious beliefs) is likely to be made up.
The simplest explanation I’ve heard (subject to the above disclaimer!) is this: hats are meant to protect the head from hazards like heat and rain outdoors. To leave one’s hat on indoors could be misconstrued as an insult to the host (“Your home does not feel safe to me”) or an act of ignorance (“I didn’t realize that my hat had a purpose, I was just wearing it”).
Think of a hat as halfway between an umbrella and a jacket. Now imagine someone sitting down to a meal your mom cooked: they’re still wearing their outdoor coat and with a wet umbrella leaning against their chair, still open. It’s not really “rude”, but it’s certainly out of place. Someone at the table would almost certainly say “why don’t you take off your coat and stay a while?” and all would have a laugh at their expense.
Because my father was in the military and raised in a household that was very conscious of social customs, I was raised in the belief that hats were strictly an outdoor piece of clothing. Now that I am in the military, I find it extremely irritating to walk into a house with a hat on, or to leave a house carrying a hat and not put it on. The exception is if I am eating an outdoor meal in uniform, in which case I would remove my hat.
To see someone else sitting in a restaurant with a dirty, beat-up ball cap on (or even a brand new, shiny white ball cap) rankles just a little. I don’t know why, and I never correct anyone on it, because if pressed, my answer would be “because it’s rude, and tells everyone with a half-decent upbringing that you’re an uncultured lout.”
BTW, firtysix, welcome to the boards!
The times they are a-changing, though.
One reason so many men prefer to keep their hats on in, say, restaurants is that those hat-wearing men often work outdoors. Farmers. That has been my observation in my years as a cook. They keep the hat on for a couple of reasons. In warm weather, they’re probably sweating and the hat is the only thing keeping the sweat from running from their scalps to their faces. Then there is the “hat hair” issue. If they’ve been wearing the hat for several hours, they’re simply going to look better leaving it on.
In the old days of hats, say pre-1960, hat hair wasn’t really a problem, due to the hairstyles of the day. When your hair is close-cropped to begin with, and slicked down with oil or Bryl Creem, any visual damage caused by wearing a hat could be quickly fixed by simply running a hand over the disturbed lock of hair. So taking the hat off was no trouble. In more recent years though, with the advent of fuller, thicker hairstyles for men, a hat tends to leave a bigger, more noticeable impression in the hair. I’m pretty sure that in the 1950s, men didn’t wear a hat with a “ducktail” hairstyle. In the 60s & 70s hats did not work with Afro hairstyles.
Phase42, I see what you’re saying about sweat and hat-hair. The response of a hat etiquette person would probably be that the sweating person should go to the restroom and wash their face and hands before sitting down to a meal. I, too, cooked in a restaurant whose summer clients included farmers, and generally those in my dad’s generation would clean up and take off their hats after ordering–a compromise of practicality and manners that I thought was a good one. Their sons would occasionally follow suit, but often they’d sit at the table with their ball cap on through the meal.
As for fuller, thicker hairstyles leaving a “dent” in one’s hair, you state that the Afro and the duck tail weren’t worn with hats; by that reasoning, today’s hairstyles also shouldn’t be worn with hats. I’ve seen everything from a USMC whitewall haircut up to a full-out mullet covered up by hats indoors, and I doubt any of them would say that they were worried about the hat making their hair look worse. Besides which, the idea that “they’re simply going to look better leaving it on” runs counter to the OP’s premise; a hat etiquette person would disagree that anyone with a hat on at the table could ever look “better,” because wearing a hat at the table is a greater faux pas than any minor error in hairstyle. It’s like saying that since my tie is wrinkled, I should just wear a blazer over an open-collared shirt.
Your first argument (regarding tradesmen and farmers) holds water, but I think you’ll agree that most people who wear hats indoors and at meals do it out of ignorance or apathy for a (possibly out-dated) social custom.
I’m not much for hats, myself; like I said, I wear one with my uniform, and that’s about it. Likewise, my haircut is pretty much a standard-issue buzz cut, so I don’t worry about it getting messed up. I guess I’ve failed to answer why it’s considered rude to violate particular hat customs, but that’s not going to stop me from teaching my kid(s) 19th- and 20th-century manners.
(…)
Jurph: And take that poodle hat off, you look like Marge Simpson.
Jurph, Jr.: Awww, dad, it’s cool! Who the hell is Marge Simpson?
Jurph: First of all, I don’t care if it’s cool, you don’t wear hats inside. Second of all, watch your language. Third, I want a hand-written paragraph on the influence of the Simpsons on modern comedy before I take you to the holovids with your friends. Now skedaddle, you whippersnapper!
The rules need to be renegotiated, because society has changed considerably since the days when hats were common. Nobody knows the old rules, which were largely tied to rules of gender relations that are no longer entirely relevant anyway, and there are no hat check stands anymore. If you’re going to doff your hat in a restaurant, you must find something to do with it. It always involves some awkwardness, and risks damaging a nice hat.
Ball caps are a bit of a different story, because in most cases where such notions of manners are considered worth fussing about, ball caps are inappropriate anyway.
I wouldn’t dream of taking my hat off in a restaurant. You may do as you please and I won’t be offended. I can’t speak for my mother, however. But then I don’t mind if she’s offended. If you are a male and really mind what someone thinks of your manners, then consider removing your hat.
If you are a spy, you will need to remove your fedora quickly to cover the microfilm I have placed on the table.
You take your hat off when entering a house out of respect to the owner. It simply means that you are honoured to be invited inside. To me wearing a hat inside a private house is incredibly bad manners. You are a guest, so show that you appreciate being invited.
NEVER wear a hat while eating. I was taught that you remove your hat to honour the God who provided the food. Some places in Europe will not serve you if you insist on wearing a hat. Even to this day I cannot wear a hat while eating, even if it is only a sandwich during coffeebreak outside in winter. I’m a carpenter, and have no religious leanings of any sort, but I still believe that you must have respect for your host, and respect for food.
Women may wear a hat anywhere, even to bed, if they are so inclined. But men are to show humility, according to old manners.
Oh, boy. Here’s some thoughts, in no particular order and with no particular organization…:
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Farmers and others who worked outdoors were, in the past, especially careful to remove their hats when eating, for several reasons: they’re very respectful of tradition; their hats were very likely dirty, and one should never spread dirt at the table (hats being above the table, this is a problem); in the past, “hat hair” was never a problem (in the recent past, hair was never long enough to show it, and farther in the past, no one gave a damn what a farmer’s hair looked like). There’s some sort of exception for cowboy hats, but I don’t live in those parts, and I don’t really understand it.
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Way back when, uncovering the head was a sign of deference to one’s lord. Since one’s food was (theoretically) a gift from one’s lord (from old English hlaford, “loaf keeper”), it was particularly important to uncover during meals.
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Women’s hats are another issue, with entirely different antecedents and entirely different rules. Suffice it to say that women, traditionally, are seldom required to remove their hats.
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Jurph’s instincts are good, as far as they go, because they come from military custom, which preserves the old rules dividing men from gentlemen. The modern army no longer divides men from women as strictly, and I’d be interested in the rules for women in uniform, especially officers. Are there still special women’s hats in any service or specialty? Are they required to uncover at every occasion that men are?
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I will also second the link Jurph gave (as far as the actual etiquette goes), but I’ll give a more brutal expanation for the custom: removing the hat is a submissive gesture, similar to a dog baring his throat. The commoner submits to the gentlemen, the subordinate submits to his superior, and the gentleman pretends to submit to the lady as a courtly gesture (hey, they were sexist times). Ladies do not remove their hats because (a) the Bible says their heads must be covered, (b) because their hats are held on with pins and such, and © because they don’t count anyway, so who cares about their hats? (Again, these were sexist times)
To paraphrase P.J. O’Rourke:
Unless you are eating in a barn I thinkyou should take your hat off.
I think it’s better etiquette and more mature in a modern, diverse society to not bother about other people’s sartorial choices. I keep my hat on or take it off for my own reasons. If you’re somehow offended because of some reasons that have nothing to do with my intentions but rather to do with secondary meaning that has no relevance to my life or background then that’s your problem and you need to sort it out for yourself.
To say that taking off your hat is a submissive gesture just pushes the answer to a new question: Why is it a submissive gesture?
On an unrelated note, ISTR the modern rule on women and hats is that if it’s a traditionally woman’s hat (requiring pins or is involved with a complicated “do”), the woman should leave it on. But if it’s a traditionally men’s hat (generally a ball cap), she should take it off according to the male rules.
I heard this specifically as applying to doffing your hat for the national anthem.
Actually, the hat rules for women are that we’re only allowed to wear hats outside of our own homes.
So, if you’re in your own bed, no hat. If you’re in someone else’s - [music]you can keep your hat on[/music].
Add me to the hat should be OFF when eating. Actually upon entering someones home also. It grates on my nerves sumpin AWFUL to see so many guys wearing their ball caps at meals. Man this ol’ Yankee could teach these Southern boys some manners. Far as what to do with a ball cap there’s TWO easy answers. They gennerally fit quite easily over ones bent knee. Plus there’s the old USN way, tuck the bill into your belt at your back. (BTW FWIW, in the navy your hat is removed upon entering any building.)
Jurph: Please accept my hand salute for your service. Keep up the good work training the youngsters also.