Not “Relax! Have fun!”
Not “Make your way through Shakespeare’s comedies!”
Not “Don’t forget to catch lightning bugs and eat lots of ice cream!”
But “Have a safe summer!”
That’s the best that administrators could post on the illuminated message board outside the elementary school. We’ll have to look at it until, oh, end of August or so.
What are we raising here: a nation of candyassed morons? Why not go the distance and make it a full-scale public nuisance:
“Kids and even some adults suffer horrible, untimely, painful deaths every year. It’s true! Ask anyone! Try not to become a statistic. Don’t get electrocuted in a lightning storm. Don’t fall off a ride at Six Flags. Don’t approach raccoons that are out for a stroll in the middle of the day. Don’t play in traffic. Don’t FUCK UP.”
Thanks for listening.