I just bought a Mr. Goodbar from the vending machine at work and couldn’t help but notice on the front there is a little arrow and written inside it says, “Easy Open See Back” Apparently, many people have have difficulty with those childproof candy bar wrappers that are more difficult to open than that damn piggy bank I got for my 8th birthday (which still has $12.65 in it that I can’t get to!)
On the back of the wrapper (thank God for that little arrow, or I may never have found the back of the candy bar!), on one corner of the little flap that runs down the length of the bar - you know how candy bar wrappers are - it says “Lift & pull here” and under the flap is a circle which says “Hold Here”.
I fear for the future if these directions are really necessary.
The real funny part? I followed the directions, held where it says “Hold Here”, lifted and pulled where it says “Lift and Pull Here” and the little flap tore right down the fold, leaving the wrapper in tact. “Easy Open” my fat chocolate-eating ass! Lying bastards!
Maybe someone, somewhere, opened their Mr. Goodbar in such a way that it gained enough momentum to knock their eye out or something. Parhaps the candy company felt that they should provide instructions to prevent the occasional “de-oculization(is that a word?) by chocolate” accident from occurring, and thereby avoid subsequent legal action!
Yes, Crunchy, I’m afraid that these instructions really are necessary:D
Over the weekend, I looked up “Crunchy Frog Explained!!!” Bwaaa Haaa Haaa! I love it!
The proper application of a sledgehammer will open any piggy bank. One might also prove effective in opening your candy bars, but be warned that very slight deformations may result.
Ok heres the thing, if they DONT put that thing on the Mr Goodbar, you might have injured the candy bar upon opening, and they wouldnt want that to happen, ya know lawsuit, My candy bar was broken. . .it doesnt taste the same.
Others have already explained the mortal danger associated with opening candy bar wrappers correctly, so I won’t get into the details of that. There is also the paper cut problem, but hell, I think human blood and chocolate go well together. I’d prefer it be someone else’s blood, though.
I have a question for you. How do you know there’s $12.65 in your piggy bank if you can’t get to it. Huh?
*I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Six months, one week, 15 hours, 11 minutes and 41 seconds.
7625 cigarettes not smoked, saving $953.16.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 5 days, 11 hours, 25 minutes.
Hey it could be worse. The last time I checked there weren’t any directions on infants telling them how to breath. But then I would really wonder, not about the infant that needed the directions, but more about the people (guessing some lawyer) who actually think that the infant would be able to read and understand the directions. Just a thought.
Yes, these directions are necessary, for the same people who need to be warned not to eat the little packets of silica in their boxes of new shoes and must be cautioned that the contents of their take-out cups of coffe may be hot. And, yes, you should be afraid.
I have found http://www.hersheys.com and plan to email them regarding their shoddy candy bar wrapper, which failed to open when I followed their so-called “Easy Open” directions. I will post any reply I get here.
I am also going to suggest that if they place the almonds on Almond Joy bars perpendicular across the coconut instead of parallel to it, they can fit more almonds per bar and then it will truly be Almond Joy. Right now that candy bar is at best “Almond Contentment”.
Dammit, I can’t find an email address for them. I guess I have to do this the old fashioned way and write an actual letter. If I get a reply, I’ll scan it and post a link so everyone can see it. Now where can I get the mailing address for Hershey’s customer service department?
OK, I bought another Mr. Goodbar (strictly in the name of research, mind you) and I found –
hangs head in shame
Yes, porcupine there is an address on the wrapper.
Now I followed the directions again, holding where it says to hold and lifting and pulling where it says to lift and pull. This time, a corner of the flap tore off, leaving the rest of the wrapper completely intact. I must now rely on my own mettle and ingenuity to break through to the chocolate and peanut tastiness which awaits inside this psuedo-papery shell.
I can not eat the candy bar like this. Hersheys will hear of this outrage and feel my wrath, which I have named Fred.
I will now have to buy a third Mr Goodbar and open it without regard to their instructions and make note of the results. I should try this with a camera and take pictures of the unsuccessful attempts to unwrap the candy bar and send them to Hersheys along with my letter of displeasure with their product.
What the hell was so difficult about having the candy bar wrapped in foil? I never had any problems with those.
Try to remember Crunchy, that we are living in an era where simple wire cutters now come engraved with:
“Wear eye protection”
and;
“Warning, not insulated. Will not protect against electric shock”
Let’s see if I try real hard and aim just right, I might be able to get a wire end to fly into my eye. But only if I really work at it and practice for hours on end.
As to the second warning, only a fool ever cuts an electrically live wire with any sort of cutters. Rubber coated handles or not.
Yes Crunchy, evidently we all have become this stupid. (Except me, of course)
