I’ve been divorced for 6 years now and I still miss my ex. I think it was good that we broke up becuase we were on different pages on a lot of issues which would have caused a lot of problems down the road and especially if we had kids but I still miss her. I don’t think I still love her but I miss the good times we had and her companionshp and her humour.
Part of this might be that I have not remarried or been in a serious relationship since. I’ve had a couple of short term girlfriends but nothing really serious.
And to Fat Chance my opinion is to not tell your current girlfriend anything until you have made up your mind and take your time doing so. After a few days or a week you may come to the conclusion to stay with your current GF so no point in saying anything that might hurt her now especially if you decide to stay with her.
I would give you the same advice I recently gave a close friend of mine in a similar situation. Treat them as 2 separate issues. First decide if you have been/are/will be happy with your current girlfriend and the level of commitment you feel for her. If you decide that it is time to move on only then should you consider seeing your ex again. It’s really not fair to anyone to weigh your current relationship against the memory of a past one.
You say that maybe you’ll find happiness with one or the other or even neither.
If you feel this way then you’re obviously not in love with your present girlfriend or your former love interest. If you can imagine your life without either then you shouldn’t be with either one.
When you’re in love with someone you don’t have to wonder - you know.
When you’re in love with two people, that’s different. It’s possible to be in love with two people but for various reasons know that a marriage to one of them wouldn’t be the best idea. That was my situation, but I never wondered if ‘happiness’ were possible with either of them. I loved them both, and always will, but I married the right one for me. I miss him when he leaves the room - always have. If you don’t feel like that about someone then you aren’t ‘in love’ with that person.
Not everyone is given a ‘soulmate’ or that kind of love. Most couples I know don’t have it, yet they’re happy together and living a contented life. You don’t sound either happy or contented, are you? What if your present girlfriend wasn’t there tonight when you got home and she wasn’t coming back - would you be devastated? If not, you’re shortchanging the woman. FWIW - Jesse.