Have you ever been in love and lost that loved one

In My Humble Opinion
1

But neither of you ever stopped being in love? And then you find someone else, are in love with them as well, but the other love just doesn’t go away? The two threads while they may remain clear and distinct entangle each other but neither break or overtake the other, because they are both strong. But you remain with the one you are with because you have made a life with them, but the other love has a place in your heart that is strong and thick and just won’t go away.

My first wife has recently left her husband, and I find myself just as in love with her today as I ever was. Yet there is no action to take. I am married to another woman, who I also love, with whom I have a daughter.

2

No. I have a hard enough time trying to love one wife: two? Forget it.

3

Well, you can look at it this way: There is a reason why she is your ex, and it is possible that if you two did have the chance to be together that it would turn out that reality would spoil the ideal fantasy that you have as things are right now.
Still, I have been in a situation like that, and it’s not a good position to be in. :frowning:

4

Yes. And then we were both in a position to ‘revisit’ what we once had and try to improve upon it. The reality was that it almost completely ruined my life and killed any belief in a real true love that we had.

If I had it to do over again, I’d run so far and fast from the mere thought of it that it would make your head spin.

5

Heh, well she lives on the other side of the planet and I have no intention of uprooting my life, so like I said, there is nothing to be done. It’s just sort of wistful and sad.

6

Yes. I had a boyfriend my senior year of high school (I’ll call him #1), and after graduation, we spent a wonderful summer together and were deeply in love. Then I left to go to college, and he went into the military, and we pretty much had no choice but to go our separate ways…

I met someone else my freshman year in college (I’ll call him #2), and I loved him very much too, but never forgot about #1, and always loved #1 deeply in my heart. However, at one point I found out that #1 was married with children, and it was a disappointment, but I was with #2 now anyway. But I still never stopped loving #1. I spent a total of 9 years with #2, but that relationship eventually ended.

Then on a whim one day, I Googled #1, found him, and e-mailed him. We talked on the phone, and I found out he was divorced. The spark was still there between us. But he was living across the country, so we spent 6 months doing the long-distance thing, and then I moved across the country to be with him, and we’ve been together ever since, almost 4 years later.

So yes, it is definitely possible to still be in love with someone you have lost, even though you’re with someone else. Luckily in my case, I was able to reunite with my loved one in the end.

Almost the same exact thing happened to a very good friend of mine. High school boyfriend, her first love… they lost touch, and she married someone else and had a couple of kids… then she divorced and reconnected with her #1 via MySpace, and low and behold, they are now married.

7

I’m very much in love with my husband, but I’m also still in love with my ex-girlfriend, and think of her often (long story, but she dumped me and it took me quite a while to get over it). I wouldn’t leave my husband to be with her again even if she decided she wanted me back, but the love is definitely still there, and I suspect it always will be.

8

I can relate, but know logically that #1 was horrible for me, my son, and my life. I’m well rid of him. Logically.

Sigh.

9

Yes. We went our seperate ways 8 years ago, and it was the right thing to do, just different lives and she had some health issues to take care of. I never forgot about her and was heartbroken, but moved on with my life, ended up with another person who I’ve been happy with for 7 years, just bought a house together with, and made a life with. Assumed the original girl forgot about me, even though I never forgot about her, and always missed her.

Recently she got in touch with me. She had never forgotten about me either and had been thinking about me all these years. She told me she was living with a guy for three years, and they were talking marriage, but one day laying in bed she thought to herself, “If Fat Chance ever came for me, I’d leave with him” She broke up with that guy within days and contacted me. She wants to see me, to see if what we could have is real. I feel like I need to know, but it would destroy lives in the process.

I’m still trying to decide what to do.

10

I’m in the process of a divorce.

I’m still in love with her. Probably always will be.

It sucks.

11

Ouch, it’s easier for me because it’s not like there is an imminent possibility of making something work. Both of my wives I am very honest with about the whole situation. I told them that I’d be more than happy to have two wives if they were cool with it. :wink: I don’t think either is.

Our relationship ended because we were both young and neither could control our tempers. Both of us are more temperate now and more in control of our emotions, so the thing that drove us apart is not necessarily still an issue.

But…she lives in the Middle-East and I live in New York City, so for now there is nothing to be done. Maybe one day she’ll come to New York and my current wife and she will fall in love and then we can just all live together happily ever after. :wink:

Otherwise, it’s just wistful romanticism at this point. Life goes on.

For you, all I can say is ‘Be Careful’.

For me the choice is easier because unless things were terrible with my current wife, which they aren’t, I would choose the Mother of my child first.

spooje Ouch, that’s a terrible feeling. I know.

12

Yup. I get this all time. I’ve been blessed in that I’ve broken up amicably with all my ex-GFs, and I still have feelings for a few of them. We both knew breaking up was the right thing to do, but who knows what the future may have in store. It’s a pleasure and a pain, a nice bittersweet combo of emotional delectables.

13

Yes I have. And yes I do still love you, Jack.

14

Yes, plenty of times. I still have feelings for all of my exes. But staying together would have been a mistake.

15

Sure I have. It was a pretty brutal breakup, too. Of course I had some feelings for her, especially after I learned her father had died.

But you have to watch those feelings. Love isn’t just blind, it’s also deaf and mildly retarded (Are you listening, Fat Chance?) Love can keep two fucked-up people in a fucked-up relationship long after common sense has thrown up its hands in frustration and turned in its resignation to your medulla oblongata. I broke up from that chick for very good reasons, and every time some emotion or another tried to break its way in, I thought back to those reasons, and that helped deal with the emotions. It didn’t banish the emotions forever, but it did throw them into perspective.

Now all these years later, I’m over her, happily married, and the last time I heard, so was she. I don’t wish her ill will. We were both young and stupid. My wife has more smarts and sense in her ingrown toenail than my ex ever conceived of at that time, and I’m lucky and happy to have her. My ex could probably say the same about her husband and me.

16

I saw her. I decided I would rather have the regret of what that would do to me then the regret of having not taken the chance at seeing her.

Yeah, I am all sorts of lost right now. There is so much pain and confusion. But, it was the right thing to do, I just have to try and figure out where I go from here.

17

G’morning!

In my experience, true love never goes away. I’ve been ‘in love,’ as opposed to simply loving someone, twice in my life and am still in love with and married to my husband. The other love in my life, with whom a marriage would never have worked, and I knew that, died prematurely ten years ago at age fifty-three, but I’ll always be ‘in love’ with him.

If I had to make the choice again, I’d still choose my DH. Some people are just meant to be together, are soulmates, and all other applicable titles with which we tag two people who can’t live without each other. That’s us.

Shalom Aleikhem - Jesse.

18

Christ, I feel bad for your current girlfriend. :smack:

If only to even out your perspective, let me say this: I know you’re pining for what could have been, but don’t let that turn what is into something not worth fighting for. Of course your past relationship has weight, but so does your current one.

19

Yes, definitely. My first big true love was a horribly toxic relationship that ended very badly many times but there was never any doubt that we loved each other intensely, insanely some might say.

I searched for her on and off for years and, after splitting with my ex of 8 years, finally found her again and was not surprised to discover she had been searching for me too. I never stopped loving her even while I was completely in love with my ex.

We’ve been together for 2 years now happy, healthy and sane. I think we both needed to grow up and just couldn’t do it together. However, if I had not been single when we re-connected I probably would not have left my wife for her. I try very hard to keep my promises.

20

This is where I get stuck. I do also, but at what point does keeping a promise become detrimental to both people’s happiness?

I’m not running off with this girl from the past, but I’m taking some time to evaluate what I want in my life and what will make me happy. Something drove me to find out, I feel if I was truly happy where I was, I wouldn’t need to have. Maybe I’ll find that happiness is one or the other, or even niether. But, should I stick with my current life as is, just because its where I am now?

And I feel bad for my current girlfriend also. She has no idea what is going on in my head.