Come on now, we’ve all thought about it at least once. We’ve all had such crazy thoughts after looking for a job for two years, putting up with the constant rejection, and then picking up a newspaper and reading about some ridiculous new law being passed.
How would you have gone about it? What stopped you from carrying out your devious plan?
I myself thought it would be best to get into the military, learn as much as I possibly could, get out, take some psychology classes, and then run for President. After winning…well who knows where to go from there. Just play it by ear I guess, and look for opportunites.
Of course, in the end I’m just not interested enough and I have too many morals. Plus I wouldn’t be able to do it without abondoning my religion. I don’t thin God would like me taking over the world while crushing anyone that gets in my way.
My plan consists… er, consisted… of making a few small but patently profitable inventions; then, using the capital gained, develop a small chip component that improves cellphone reception.
Of course, the chip is flawed in such a way that with the flick of a button, I could shut down all cellular communication worldwide, and demand that governmental control be ceded to me immediately, else people will once again have to pre-arrange meetings and drive with both hands.
Well, I was perfecting my own rice of pipple . . . A rice of atomic supermen that vill conquer the vorld!
But do you have any idea how much atomic supermen eat? The grocery bills alone were killing me, and that’s not even counting the clothes and laundry—I swear, atomic supermen grow out iof their rompers once a month, at least.
Thought about it? I even have a plan! I can’t tell you though, because then I’d have to kill you. The only thing I’m prepared to say is - it involves a stationary shop.
Conquest, establishment of myself as ruler of the world on the basis of might?
Nope, can’t recall ever having had even a flicker of interest in such a thing.
Idealism-driven visions of myself leading the world in a newer better direction, making nations and such things obsolete, founding a new religion that everyone would voluntarily follow, yeah.
Antisocial hatred-driven dreams of clearing the planet of the species entirely to make room for something better to evolve into our niche with fewer of our failings, umm, well, not seriously considered, let us say. Vengeful fantasies, though, yeah, sure.
I’ve actually developped a highly advanced plan. I intend to hire monkeys to manufacture dirt cheap extension cords. They will be intentionally flawed and design to fail at a specific time. I will sell them for next to nothing. Over the course of a year or two, my company shall rise to become the leading supplier of extension cords. Once all extension cords around the world have been replaced by my brand (as they inevitably will be, due to their unbeatable price!), the failure mechanism will kick in, causing massive power outages. In the ensuing chaos, I shall unleash my monkeys and rise to power!
And if that doesn’t work, I have a backup plan. I shall hijack Prince Edward Island, encircle it with thousands of motorboat engines, and use it to smash into countries I don’t like
I guarantee, no more than an hour after I seized total control, everyone and their Uncle Oscar would be calling me up on the horn to complain about something.
Furthermore, no matter how good I made things, it would never stop. You can’t make everyone happy. Why, then, am I sacrificing my remaining mortal years trying to make a bunch of ungrateful strangers happy?
Define “seriously.” Are we talking about developing a strategy, or having a strategy and taking it to venture capitalists trying to line up the financing?
As a matter of fact, I have. I have a website devoted to that very goal. I won’t include the link here, lest I be accused of flagrant self-promotion (but it is quite tempting).
Basically, as part of an English project I had to think of 5 ways of improving myself…and I figured that if I ruled the world I could make everyone think of me as perfect…so that was my 5th method of self-improvement.
I wasn’t going to make a violent over-through, or anything…it was a simple “Send me an email if you want me to rule the world.” I figured once I had accumulated more than three billion emails I would declare myself the democratically elected benevloent despot.
I told my friends about the site and sent it in for Langa’s “Load the Code” section of his newsletter. I got about 30 votes and one marriage proposal.
My fantasy is to lead a new civilization into space and spread throughout the universe, while building a special shield around the Earth to ensure that the rest of you lot stay there.
