I just read this sad piece about a young girl who seemed picture-perfect on Instagram and Facebook, but in reality was hiding some serious pain.
The part of the story that struck me was how–despite knowing that her online facade was just that, a facade–she was convinced that her friends were living perfect lives based on what they presented to the world online. Makes me think of all the times I’ve compared myself to others.
But at least for me, I do not go on Facebook or Instagram or similar platforms. Intellectually I know people get a lot of enjoyment out of these resources (so pleeeease let’s not turn this into yet another durr thread). But I don’t think I could emotionally handle being bombarded by facades. Nor do I think I’d like posting my own, knowing that it could possibly help someone feel crappy about themselves. I wonder if Madison would still be alive if she hadn’t been so active on social media.
People who actually use Facebook et al.: Do you only post good/happy stuff about yourself, or do you try to mix things up? Do you know of anyone who stopped updating their pages for inexplicable reasons? Last year my father told me that he has a Facebook friend whose life is a mess. Divorced from wife, estranged from kids kind of mess. My dad says he thinks about this guy every time he updates his Facebook page with pictures of his children and grandchildren. He feels guilty, but not guilty enough to stop posting.
I rarely post too much bad stuff, especially if it involves other people. Their bad experiences aren’t mine to share. However I don’t just post glurgy happy stuff either. I’ll post. thoughts on news, stress related stuff etc. so it’s not a steady stream of how happy my life is.
On a neutral side, I post a lot as my business entity. Twitter, google +, FB, instagram. I make money. I enjoy that.
On a negative side, I post a FB check in on all the times I take my elderly (abusive alcoholic) mother to her various heart and cancer appointments. I do this simply to refute my asshole family claiming I neglect her. Takes no time at all and is a nice Fuck You to all of them. So, I enjoy that.
I will comment on various friends and their light hearted posts. I enjoy that.
I do not even read certain train wrecks I know, sometimes I defollow or unfriend them. Keeps me out of their
drama. I enjoy that.
I post mostly the stuff i would like to read myself. Interesting trivia, interesting things they’ve seen, upcoming events that anyone can go to, or relatable honest stuff that i try to write in a funny way. Plus pics of my kid, for his grandma’s. Most of my friends do likewise. I unfollow façade-y people. Not because they would make me feel bad, but because they’re boring.
I dunno quite what defines social media. The only thing I do that might count is posting here, which I’ve been doing long before I ever heard the term social media.
Is SDMB social media?
FYI, I had a Facebook account that I closed after family members started arguing with each other on my page. I can say I ever found any use for it.
And he was rich - yes, richer than a king -
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
I gave up facebook for Lent last year, then finally deleted my facebook account about a month ago. I’m pretty happy for it.
More and more I found that it was showing me lower and lower-quality things. Clickbait and reactionary political crap, and updates from lots of people that I’m not really that connected to, but who happen to post on facebook a lot. It would be easy for them to provide a way for me to filter out things that I don’t want to see, but their business model is not designed for that.
I didn’t feel like I was saddened by comparing my life to other people’s lives (even though we only share our “best” selves). I just felt like a cog in an advertising/outrage machine.
I’m still using twitter, but I might give that up one of these days too. Too much noise, too little focus. But, at least for now, twitter plus an adblocker still lets me filter my feed to only include the things I care to read.
I feel the opposite, I feel bad for the people who constantly post positive stuff. I’m assuming they are compensating for skeletons (the people I know in person are not the same as on facebook who do this a lot).
I don’t post a lot of my own stuff there, I mostly use it to keep in touch with people who I’d never keep in touch with any other way. But no, I have the opposite response. I feel bad for people who pretend to be happy all the time. If you are happy all the time though, good on you.
I quit a message board when an internet friend ridiculed one of my posts. I was butthurt for a while, then decided not to discuss politics online. Except at the dope.
I quit going on line at home entirely for about a month. I was feeling so nagged and pestered at work – like I was essential to every project and my input needed for every trivial decision – and I’m on the internet constantly at work anyway, and e-mail, and texts, and phone calls etc. and by the time I got home the one thing I wanted to do was disconnect from the constant demands for my attention. So I just quit for a while. Almost no one noticed, but a few people did and wondered if I was sick or something. Sick of the internet, yes.
I’m not a prolific FB poster anyway. Quality over quantity, I say.
I don’t commonly post anything at all on Facebook, but when I do, I do it always positive. I may be one of the people that others see as offenders but I don’t mean it that way. For instance, my youngest daughter just won the USAG #1 title for gymnastics yesterday for the whole state. You better bet your ass that I am posting photos of that because I am proud of her and lots of far-flung friends and family members knew that she was going to a big event and really wanted to know how she did. Enough people took the time to write a simple congratulations that I think they really felt good for her. I post exotic vacation photos too but I am not bragging about it and they are all very real. I always make sure to include shots of people that I know others want to see if even for a moment rather than vanity shots of locations that are done much better on any cheap postcard. The only time I see my family is when we go vacation together because we live far apart and I am going to use the best shots that I can.
I never completely understood that complaint about social media. I am truly happy when other people that I like are doing well. I want them to have good experiences and share them if they want. That is the main point of it. When someone turns their posts into a Blog or MPSIMS is when I turn them off. I don’t give a shit how your breakfast turns out (or didn’t) and I don’t need to hear about the extreme problems your are having with your car and your latest divorce.
I take it as a given that everyone has their own difficulties. Just show me the highlights of the good things and I am happy for you. However, I do assume that anyone that talks about how awesome their spouse or SO is will be headed into the court system soon just based off the sample I have. I cannot count how many women have written me complaining about extreme problems in their relationships over the years, sometimes even propositioned me, and then turned right around and posted the most lovey drivel I have ever read within a couple of days to their current partner. Don’t do that ever especially when you freely share to people will read it know it isn’t true. Personal relationships should be just that.
In summary, share the highlights that involve your family, don’t say anything about your personal relationships whether you think it is good or bad and make sure your photos don’t just consist of plates of food that are long gone or things that have no context. Chances are you are not a motivational poster photographer so leave the abstract images to the experts.
Facebook never makes me feel bad. It makes me feel great! It really connects me to people I know and love in real life. I am very guarded about my Friends list - I don’t accept just anyone. I only accept people I know are either like-minded or neutral-minded. The crazies, the angries or anyone with a view radically different from mine get removed or never allowed in the first place.
There’s a lot of people I won’t friend because I want to remember them how I remember them, and not know them for the ugly people they have become.
My friends with families don’t bother me. They make me happy! I am happy to see how well they are doing! No one ever says one bad thing to me. I get a ton of “Likes” and don’t have any kids or a husband or even a boy friend to brag on. I just randomly post about my boring-ass life and my dogs and I am super popular.
Now, the SDMB makes me feel like shit. A lot. I have considered quitting a lot lately but I don’t want to be a baby and I’ve been here more than 1/3 of my entire life so it’d be weird to go without.
But to read here what people think of me as an obese, suburban, Christian woman who lived with her parents until the age of 25 and has never traveled outside of North America… some days I come away really fucking hating myself.
I don’t really go around too much on other social media. I post to Buzzfeed on occasion via Facebook but that’s all.
I would guess that the people who are bothered by the facades on social media are teens and young adults; they are still figuring out who they are by measuring themselves to others. We all do it to some degree, of course, but we do it less as we mature.
I don’t see people put on more of a facade on Facebook than they do in real life. If anything, they are more open, at a level where we wish they weren’t. Some things aren’t supposed to be talked about in public, like how angry you are with your best friend. That’s between the two of you, not the whole world.
I’ll admit I mostly don’t post bad stuff–in the sense of being a jerk. But that’s the same thing I do in real life. I did post the song for my grandfather’s funeral, or how sad I was about the whole thing. I did get into an argument with a pastor who disappointed me by pushing the anti-gay agenda. But largely I post when I have nice or fun things to say.
I’m sure that, if you look at Facebook, people will seem happier than they really are. But no more so than in real life, unless you’re a close confidant. And, just like in real life, there are private conversations where you do share your problems with each other.
The girl was wrong to think everyone’s lives were perfect. But she’d think the same thing interacting with them in real life. What bad stuff is there in either place, she would ignore, because that’s what depression does.
I use Facebook to keep in touch with people I know IRL who I don’t get to see very often, as well as a few people with whom I have a relationship but haven’t met face to face.
I don’t stop using Facebook altogether if something makes me feel bad; that’s too much like throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Last week, I did go through and unfriended and unliked some people and things because I couldn’t take their bullshit anymore. That’s the cool thing about social media: I control what I want to see, who I want to see it from, and if something consistently makes me feel bad, I don’t have to see it.
I have a google+ account and a Facebook account, but I don’t post to either or read what other people post. Generally, they make me bored rather than sad when I do try to participate in them.
I don’t think I’ve ever made a “sad post” on Facebook, nor do I burden people IRL with sadness. Most of my Facebook posts are check-ins at events with pictures, cute pics of our dogs and birds, and pictures of whatever beer I’m drinking (via untapped).
I’ve noticed that pictures of our pets get the most “likes”. Once I mentioned some wonderful personal achievement and get 45 likes, then posted a pic of our parrot grabbing a dog’s ear and got 123 likes and 12 shares.
I always post happy stuff (of course it’s on google plus) but that is how I am IRL, too. I don’t really share my heartache or my grief except with one person.