Have You Ever Wanted to Shoot Your Phone with a Shotgun!

In My Humble Opinion
1

I don’t know if the phone was such a great invention after all. Man, you know what I mean you just get home from work then you sit down grab a drink and veg while watching tv then ring ring, beep beep or whatever annoying sound your phone makes to interfere with your life happens.

You hear the ringing but you have no idea where the phone is(cordless ya’know another great invention huh) you finally locate it and you answer and it is some friend that is bored so he called you.

You finally hang up with him and then ring ring again all except this time it is for your wife. And she of course is outside so you gotta go track her down to give her the cordless phone. Well a few minutes go by and ring ring and then of course your wife has left the cordless somewhere outside but the inside one rings and rings until you pick it up on speaker. This time it is a friend that doesn’t like talk on speaker phone. So you have to say hold on and you go look for the stupid cordless phone your wife left on the back patio bbq pit.

You hang up with him and then ring ring it is for your 13 year old daughter. So you kindly remind the little punk that your daughter has her own phone line(that you spend $30 a month to keep your sanity) so please do not call this number again. You hang up 15 minutes go by and ring ring it is a girl for your daughter. This time you are just a little bit more ruder(I guess that is a word) and inform not to call this line again.

Then 10 minutes goes by and ring ring it is your sister from
Colorado(I live in Texas) which you love very much but remember you are sick of the phone by now but you talk to her anyway. You hang up then ring ring it is a telemarketer well now you lose it and totally go off on this poor schmuck and afterwords you feel a little better.

I know what your thinking as you read this. You are thinking Wildest Bill why don’t you just unplug it. Well you see I run a small business so I feel like I have to keep answering it in case it is work. Also what if there is an emergency or something?

Anyway every dove season when I am cleaning my shotgun I look at the phone have wonderful destructive thoughts and smile.

Do any of y’all feel the same way about the phone or is it just me?

2

I well understand your feelings towards the phone. It’s got to the point now where I no longer have a phone line in my house. I keep a (usually turned off) cell phone to make calls when there’s a need. For those who need to get ahold of me, I wear a pager at all times. Much less intrusive.

3

I never feel like shooting my phone with a shotgun.

I can get a much better effect by using a .30-06 rifle.

4

Why the hell do you think I spend all day on the Internet?!?

5

I just screen my calls with the answering machine. Works for me.

6

I had my mind changed about the phone one day when I was at the eye doctors office. Small town dr.
I was having my eyes examined by the dr, he ran the office all by himself, when the phone started to ring. It was on the counter 3 feet from him.I leaned back expecting him to answer it. He explained that the phone is his slave not the other way around.He never did answer it at least while I was in his office.Several other times I was in that office and he did the same thing.
That impressed me and my attitude towards the telephone changed that day.

7

We have 7 people living in this house. The two and a half year old and the 8 month old don’t get a lot of calls, but the older kids make up for it.

Yes. Sometimes I just can’t stand the phone, especially when it keeps ringing and ringing and ringing all night long.

Occasionally guests will wonder why I don’t always pick up the phone when it’s ringing. What else is the answering service for?

8

It’s a little frightening that your first thought when frustrated involves reacting with violence, especially coupled with the very Bret Easton Ellis second-person nature of your post.

Anyway, it sounds like most of the calls aren’t for you, so I say don’t answer it. Get a machine, have it answer in two rings, and keep the volume low. Check in every hour. Problem solved.

9

With a shotgun, no. With a Mini-14 and a 30-round clip, yes.

10

Answering machine.

Don’t stay home without one!