Will the two of you be building a religion?
About that car of hers… What if it’s possessed by evil? What if Satan is her motor?
Are you, by any chance, an Austrian nobleman?
That song is now going to be in my head all…day…
[QUOTE=Regallag_The_Axe]
No, no, no! He’sgoing for distance, he’s going for speed. She’s all alone in a time of need.
[QUOTE]
cue guitar solo
bamf
or the model of a modern Major-General?
bamf
Guys, I’m just not sure Ms. Rice will survive.
Wait, wait. I have a better one.
So you have a long list of qualifications there. You’re going to have a tough time finding an applicant for this job.
But then, some people like to make life a little tougher than it is.
Yes, but those are merely adjectives [and a noun] on a typewriter. I maintain that he moves his words like a prizefighter.
See, this is weird for me, watching this thread. I’m not getting nearly enough of the references to get any songs stuck in my head, but everyone around me’s all but clutching their skulls as the various tunes lodge themselves in their brains. I wonder if this is what a tanker in COH might feel like.
Ah, well. I’m hungry, out here, and a sandwhich seems like a good idea. Henceforth, it’s peanut-butter jelly time 
bamf
I could help you, but I am bound for Mexico.
Got One! I Got ONE!!!
: ahem :
I mean…I roll into work yesterday:
Boss Man: Montoya, this is J____. She’s new & I’d like her to watch you work this morning through lunch. Just go through your normal routine, let her hear some of your wordtracks, answer questions, that sort of thing.
IM: Sure thing.
Turn to say “Hi” to the new kid & get a look. My watch stopped ticking. My shoes came unlaced. My mouth dried up…followed immediately by my capacity for coherent speech. Ever the professional I calmly took a sip of coffee (Thank the gods I already had cup in hand…the coffee cup, that is) & recovered beautifully & completed the intro & welcome. Bossman wandered off chuckling & shaking his head.
First things first:
Short Skirt: Check. Well, knee length, but that’s pretty short for a conservative insurance company.
Long Jacket: Check. Also knee length, donned immediately prior to our departure for lunch
- Posess a mind with a keenness and stability of a diamond: Check, Recently graduated with a finance degree
- Know what’s best: Check. Divined Inigo’s recent relationship issues, deftly balanced genuine concern with prudent distance while maintaining an air of hopeful interest.
- Provide own shoes that “cut”: Maybe, never actually looked at her shoes but with legs like that I imagine she could cut a rug wearing flip flops with laser precision.
- Have eyes that burn like cigarettes: Check. Last time I saw blue flash with that kind of intensity I was getting a speeding ticket.
- Have the right allocations: Check. I’ve always preferred a trim yet balanced portfolio.
- Is known to play with jewelry: Check. She must have lost most of it, I saw no rings, and only just noticed some studs though the top of her ears.
- Puts up own hair: Check. it was all I could do from delivering my usual, “Nice Bun” line. It was truly a nice bun.
- Gets up early AND stays up late: Check. By her own admission she spends only 6 hours in that realm of somnambulistic bliss. Down by 11:00 pm & up by 5:00 am.
- Has uninterrupted prosperity: Check. No baggage that I could identify.
- Is adept with handling a machete when dealing with complex bureaucratic issues: Check. Very insightful questions & observations about our work processes and legal environment.
- Own no less than one set of fingernails that shine like justice. Check. Definitely not a nail biter. Though I may become one.
- Have a voice that is dark like tinted glass: Check. Especially when commenting on my ex’s behavior.
-
Have a smooth liquidation and good dividends: Maybe. I have absolutely no idea what this means.
- Provide own car, preferably a Chrysler LeBaron(white), or an MG: meh… she does drive a sensible early 90s Honda–remarked that a new car is a horrible waste of money. My '83 Corolla driving heart was captured. But she positively lit up when I showed her a picture of my 72 Midget that was smashed in the back a few years ago. She’d drive one if she could find one–hates automatic transmissions.
easy, Montoya…easy now…
And for fun? Outdoorsy stuff–fishing, hiking, canoeing. Loves Washington State national parks. I’ll have to see if she’s got a sister I can set Johnny L.A. up with.
Just make sure she’s not a muscular cyborg German dude in disguise.
Cause that could be embarassing…
Do you have an italian leather sofa for her healthy breasts to bounce on? If not you had better get one. I know it was posted a ways ago, but now that you’ve found her it deserves to be re-asked
A-cup. I like 'em like that though.
Dear Inigo Montoya:
Oh my lord God. It’s been a month and the only meager smidgen of information you deign to share with us, your salivating and information-starved fans- is that she has A-cup sized boobs???
** For shame !!! ** I want details. I want to know how you eased into more serious talk. How she glanced at you when she thought you thought she thought you were not aware she was looking but she was. I want to know about the 1.21 gigawatt’s of juice that leapt through your skin when her hand touched yours as you held the door open for her. I need to know the timbre of her laugh, the way she tilts her head slightly and licks her lips with the very tip of her precisously perfect tongue when she’s trying to figure out a good word at Scrabble. I want to know about the scent of her neck, and how her deep strong laugh drives you insane.
-Whimper- I don’t think this is asking too much !!!
Cartooniverse
: panting :
Dang, 'Toon! I wouldn’t mind knowing most of that stuff myself! As for the glance & electricity issues: much of the training event featured her sitting next to me & just watching me work–listening in on phone calls (monitored for training purposes), number crunching, methodology, etc. all while engaging in some casual babble which would invariably turn to…The Evil One…when a coworker would ask how I’m doing, when & where am I moving, & how are the kids. I’m very upbeat most of the time and unless you’re in the know you’d never guess that my entire universe was recently thrown into chaos, that day was no exception. But I’ll admit I was exhausted from not sleeping well for a few months. She figured out the scene pretty quick. I was noticeably nervous which I blamed on the coffee, but I think she saw through that pretty quickly as well. After a time I began to focus on my peripheral vision to see if I stil had a trainee or if it was time for a break. My first attempt caught her looking at my collection of Straight Dope paperbacks nestled neatly between other noteworthy works as Foundations of Risk Management and Insurance, Italo Calvino’s Invisible Cities, *Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things * and Milan Kundera’s The Book of Laughter And Forgetting. I’m rather glad she didn’t ask about Kundera, I’m not ready to go there with anyone just yet, let alone a young lass who already has me on my heels! She got through *Return Of The Straight Dope * in 2 days and loved it, by the way. On my second stolen glance I caught her looking quietly at the side of my face. Maybe thinking, maybe about to lose consciousness. I assumed the former becase it wasn’t too much longer before she had reduced the physical distance between us from about a foot to mere inches. Had I turned my head her way I could probably have brushed her nose with mine. Careful not to have this happen I swiveled a bit in my chair before turning to face her. This was the point at which the burning eyes criterion was met. I held her gaze for perhaps too long before I sang, “Break Time!”
A somewhat less charged lunch at Chipotle followed about an hour after that, during which time she got a lot of information out of me about my personal situation. Her laugh is not quite what you’d call deep or strong. Rather, it recalls the patter of a chilly trout stream on a calm late summer afternoon under aspen shade–pleasant, quiet & relaxing. Something to wash away years of care and sorrow in its innocence.
Inigo is watching this one with guarded interest. There are no perfect mates (apart from myself) and I’m looking for the flaw. Give it some time. A very wise and ancient man once said, “Patience! Patience, my precious!” I plan on following that maxim.
She’s only a strong candidate, not yet hired and certainly not given access to the Scrabble board until I’m sure my vocabulary is bigger’n hers! But here’s the update (should this be a different thread? Saga II: Inigo’s Climb Back Up The Cliffs Of Insanity? A bit self-indulgent I think).
Montoya Enterprises has scheduled the execution of a long term lease on a new facility effective tomorrow. Over the weekend key equipment will be moved from the old facility to the new. It would be entertaining to have The Girl With The Short Skirt And The Long Jacket tour the old facility and observe the former staff and the magnitude of slack they have engendered, however a less methodical and more discreet transfer of assets is planned.
Although not yet hired, TGWTSSATLJ has already determined, using her diamond-like mind, that the new facility will be lacking some equipment, and has generously offered to deliver one sofa in a move to take up the slack in this area. Very clever of her to find an innocent enough way to invite herself over, eh? :dubious: And for the record, I should very much like to shag her senseless.
And 14 hours later I see the irony in Harborwolf’s couch statement :smack:
sigh…
I go away for a little while, and become a woman scorned. 
That wouldn’t have been at the deepest point in the oceans, in 1960, by any chance?
Aww, come on - it nearly works!