Have you got a short skirt AND a long jacket?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Montoya Enterprises is reviewing staffing needs for 2005 and has identified the need for an applicant with a short skirt and a long jacket. While primary consideration for this position will be given to a female applicant, persons of all and various genders are invited to apply and will receive fair consideration. Montoya Enterprises will provide a car with a cupholder arm rest that may be used to get the successful candidate “there.” Pens will also be provided by Montoya Enterprises on a permanent loan basis as needed.

Job Requirements:
Applicant must be fast, thorough and sharp as a tack. Principle duties include touring Montoya Enterprises facilities and taking up the slack.

The Preferred Candidate Will Also:

  • Posess a mind with a keenness and stability of a diamond
  • Know what’s best
  • Provide own shoes that “cut”
  • Have eyes that burn like cigarettes
  • Have the right allocations
  • Is known to play with jewelry
  • Puts up own hair
  • Gets up early AND stays up late
  • Has uninterrupted prosperity
  • Is adept with handling a machetti when dealing with complex beurocratic issues
  • Own no less than one set of fingernails that shine like justice
  • Have a voice that is dark like tinted glass
  • Have a smooth liquidation and good dividends
  • Provide own car, preferably a Chrysler LeBaron(white), or an MG

Any interested applicants should advise below which of the above criteria can be met at this time.

2

I never really considered it before, but damn, kittenlm had a good dozen of those covered. Wow…she really takes the cake.

3

cue trumpet

4

Does this fit the bill?

5

Y’know…as much as I loathe that person, I think she’s a highly competetive candidate indeed! No Chrysler, but IIRC she does have an oil tanker.

6

Of course, since she’ll be driving the distance.

7

Shouldn’t she also bank at Citibank?

8

I just might fit your needs. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…

Susan

9

Have I mentioned that my name is Karen?

(No one’s ever called me “Kittie,” though. Bummer.)

10

I once wore a white leather miniskirt, for about 5 minutes.

I own a long jacket. Trenchcoat, in fact.

I am very good with a machete.

Other than that, I can’t say I fit the criteria.

Machete. Bureaucratic.

Carry on.

11

Problem: What if you find this person, hire them, and then they’re never there?

12

I assume all interviews will be conducted on an, ahem, italian leather sofa?

13

Not just any sofa. A Natuzzi sofa. :smiley:

Hell, for this level of power, I’d dress in the skirt !!!

Cartooniverse, who as of yet has never work a skirt but has gazed upon the Utili-Kilt with utter fascination…

14

I drive a Japanese car - a lot of good cars are Japanese. It hasn’t got a stick shift, but I suppose the safety belts and bucket seats have got to go.

But I just can’t get up early. Sorry.

15

Yeah, I don’t really fit your requirements. I’m more of a muscular cyborg German dude.

ZJ

16

Sure, but she’s one of the most powerful people in a democratic country. Democracy’s a joke. I’d go with someone else.

17

Not that I’m dissin’ Ms. Rice’s fashion acumen, but I kinda thought the short skirt long jacket thing was very 5 minutes ago. YMMV.

18

No, no, no! He’sgoing for distance, he’s going for speed. She’s all alone in a time of need.
Some people just don’t get it, y’know?

19

Would Montoya enterprises salary be commensurate with my rock-and-roll lifestyle?

20

She would have jumped the shark, but her skirt woulda ridden up too high. :slight_smile: