I had mine removed by a military doctor. He was a full colonel, and office practice was for him to wear the woodland-pattern camouflage uniform (BDUs) in the office. His assistant was a technical sergeant, in the same outfit. I’m laying in the chair in the same outfit, but otherwise, it’s a normal dentist’s office.
The colonel begins walking me through my answers to several of the previous questions so he can be sure he’s clear on the situation. He’s pacing around, picking up various tools, setting up paper towels, wiping things clean, putting on safety goggles (!) and so forth. Meanwhile, the tech sergeant is rubbing the numbing gel on my gums. The colonel says, “alright, it looks like your gums are probably numb. Bill, give him the needle real quick. Jurph, you’re going to feel a mild sting and then a warm balloon in your gums.” And the tech sergeant pops open my mouth and makes sure my upper gums get the needle. I felt a warm rush, like a small balloon inflating in my gums, for a moment, and my heart raced for about ten seconds, then everything was okay again.
The colonel sits down next to me and starts asking me a bunch of other questions, and then about five minutes in, says “actually, I’m just asking these questions so I can tell when your lips and gums are completely numb. You see, I’m almost certainly going to have to make a large incision on your gum, and I don’t want you to feel it, because you’d probably flinch, and hurt yourself or me. So try to answer these with the most articulate words you can think of, so I can gauge how numb you are.”
We kept talking.
A few moments later, he says “alright, you’re starting to slur your words. That’s good! I’m going to reach into your mouth and make a few incisions. You may taste some blood, but Bill here has the suction ready so you probably won’t. Once I make those incisions, I’m going to move right into pulling your teeth. Even though you’re not really talking very clearly, I want you to know that right now is a great time to ask any last questions, because once I reach in there, I’m not stopping until I’m done. I don’t want you to lose any more blood than you have to.”
I think I asked him something, which he answered quickly and eagerly.
“Okay, so here’s what’s going to happen. Once I make the incision, I’m going to reach in there with these – they’re basically pliers – and pull your teeth out. You will not feel a thing, but you will *hear it. It will sound like something deep inside your skull just went crunch. That’s your roots slipping free of your head. It’s going to be a very alarming sound. Feel free to make some noise if it really freaks you out, but there’s nothing I can do about the sound. I’m going to assume you don’t feel anything unless you bang on the armrest here. It is imperative that you hold your head still while I’m doing this. Your neck muscles may be a little stiff from resisting my yanking motion. Are you ready?”
fiddle fiddle fiddle… pause fiddle fiddle
CRUNCH
fiddle fiddle fiddle… pause fiddle fiddle
CRUNCH
… a quick saline rinse, a few cotton balls, and a prescription for something strong to kill the pain, and I was tip-top. The whole thing took maybe a half hour, and ten minutes of that was waiting for the anasthetic. The actual tooth pulling took about two minutes, and the CRUNCH bits were sudden, unexpected, and utterly painless.
Just go get 'em pulled.