I did the whole anti-depressants+Benzodiazepines tango for a few years. In the end positive thinking and the people around me helped me more than the drugs. Now, that is not to say that they don’t work, because it is quite obvious they do. They are not, however, a cure for all people or those with temporary(not a chemical imbalance)depression. I have to say that I can agree with Chimera about the utter quackery of shrinks and meds sometimes. Hopefully, the OP will have a better time of it and get things worked out.
To answer some questions:
I was in therapy for about eight months from September 2001 to April 2002, when my shrink left the hospital for another job in a juvenile correctional center. I haven’t seen a shrink since, but I’m planning on seeing one soon.
I started off on just Risperdol. Then I went on that and Seroquel. Finally, in the summer of 2002, I got off the Risperdol and was on just the Seroquel. Then in the fall of the same year, I went back on the Risperdol due to depression coming back. I was fine until March 2003, when I went on Lexapro because, SURPRISE, I was depressed again. Finally I started having anger issues, so I went on the Depakote last month. Last night I increased the Risperdol, and went off the Depakote completely, suspecting it might be responsible for what I was feeling the past few weeks.
Hopefully that clears things up a bit. Thanks for all the supportive replies. I hope things get better, but I admit it, it looks bleak a lot.
TMWTGG:
Please clarify if you are adjusting your meds based on a docs recommendation, or if you are doing it yourself.
It depends on 1)How long I can wait to do it, since the shrink’s nurse is a complete twit who can take up to a week to report this sort of thing, and 2)How major the change is.
Usually when I’m going off a medication completely, or adding a new one, I wait for shrink’s permission. However, my shrink allows me to tweak with the dosages, for small amounts, by myself, since he figures who knows this sort of thing about my body better than myself.
So it depends, really.
The Man With The Golden Gun I assume you have depression with psychotic episodes? Do you have full blown manic episodes? Risperdal and Seroquel are anti-psychotics though sometimes they are used to quell severe mania. My guess is it’s the Lexapro that is causing the sexual disfunction. What exactly have you been diagnosed with? Are you seeing a psychiatrist or a psychopharmacologist? It IS true that alot of shrinks know very little about meds and it’s a serious travesty. You really need to see a good psychopharmacologist. It’s only when I went to one that I finally got prescribed Lamictal, which took the place of Depakote. I grew my hair back, lost the weight I had gained, and put a bottom in to my depression. It was near miraculous. Lamictal is now considered one of the tops in treatment resistant bipolar OR unipolar depression. You really need a better understanding of how the meds you are taking work and stop fucking around with your dosing.
KidCharlemagne:
You got it right. Depression with psychotic episodes. I had some really nasty psychotic episodes. I’d prefer not to get into that.
I was diagnosed with “depression with psychotic episodes”.
I am seeing a psychiatrist, who manages my medications. He generally gives me permission to fuck with the dosages a bit.
Well I’m surprised he put you on Depakote for “anger issues,” especially if you were already on the Risperdal, unless those anger issues were manic in nature. In any case, Depakote is NOT the type of medication that should be self-titrated. It has a relatively narrow band of efficacy where blood serum levels are concerned. Too little and it won’t work, too much and you’ll fuck up your liver. I’m not familiar with Seroquel, but Risperdal is really the only drug of the other three that you would be able to successfully “play with the dose.” You would probably find it really helpful to read a little bit about how these drugs (presumably) work.
Most importantly, If you’re doctor hasn’t sent you for blood serum level tests for valproic acid (Depakote’s metabolite) at a local lab then go see another doctor. That must be monitored, at least for a while. Also, if you live in an area where you would have access to a psychopharmacologist I suggest you see one.
Lastly, sorry to hear about this man. It blows, or as you aptly described, sucks the smegma off horse cock.
The experience of another depressive, with no known psychotic tendencies (note: spouse may not agree).
Friends can not help; no matter how supportive loving helpful patient (insert the rest of the virtues of a friend here) they are, you will still be ill. To be trite, you wouldn’t ask a friend to give you a hug instead of taking a shot of insulin, would you?
Talk therapy made me feel guilty for not taking better control of the situation; but I have great life, there really is nothing wrong except the depression.
Exercise giga-really helps; at least daily long brisk walks (wait, where are you? icy sidewalks and street thugs can be a problem) is the one thing that always works for me; treadmills, etc., don’t work as well, but are better than nothing.
BTW, I heard of recent study that indicates that depressives have a more realistic world view than ‘normal’ people.
[quote]
Most importantly, If you’re doctor hasn’t sent you for blood serum level tests for valproic acid (Depakote’s metabolite) at a local lab then go see another doctor. That must be monitored, at least for a while. Also, if you live in an area where you would have access to a psychopharmacologist I suggest you see one.[/p]
I have to agree with this statement. I was placed on Depakote to control hypomania (which could have been triggered by any antidepressants), and stayed on for several months (until I took myself off since I had to take a drug test for a job, and I would have considered them finding those a violation of my privacy). Every couple of weeks, I had to go to the blood lab and have the valproic acid levels in my bloodstream monitored. The doctor read these and upped my dosage as required, and once I had a fairly constant level, I was placed on Celexa, until I took myself off due to aforementioned drug testing.
But, maybe this is a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do, I don’t suggest you suddenly discontinue the Depkaote. Depakote is primarily an anti-convulsive, used for controlling epilepsy, and if suddenly cut off, can cause epileptic seizures even in those who don’t have a history of them. Fortunately I didn’t have any problems, knock on wood, but I was lucky.
TMWTGG:
Thanks for all your honesty in your posts.
I hope that you don’t feel attacked or criticized in anyway. Sometimes we depressed people feel like we’re getting told we can’t even manage our disease right when folks are just trying to give us tools to help ourselves.
What are your options like for having your doc run some of the tests mentioned? How much access do you have to maybe switching docs? How is your personal support base? Do you have insurance, or are you paying for all this yourself? I ask to make sure that you are not additionally burdened with “administrative” difficulties along with the difficulty of finding the drive to keep seeking out solutions.
How is your day going?
Well, on the plus side, I for one am glad you are still kicking and bitching. That’s something. Yes, depression sucks, and it must suck especially to be taking all those medicines and not getting the relief they ought to be giving you.
While they are no substitute for pharmaceuticals, some people feel that supplements can help your brain regulate its mood better. Have you considered looking into those? Maybe the last thing you want is “more pills,” but it sounds like you need additional help and something else to believe in. My doctor said B vitamins and Fish oil capsules might help me, along with the usual bottle o’ pricey Happy Pills. You doctor may have more specific information for you. Why not ask?
My two cents…for what they’re worth…
I’ve spent the better part of my post-adolescent existence feeling, as my grandmother would put it, “out of sorts”. It came to a head two years ago when, on the night before my 26th birthday and just after an otherwise ripping Willie Nelson concert, I took a pocketknife to my wrists. A very dear friend, familiar with my symptoms, finally busted through my thick skull and “redneck macho bullshit” aversion to all things therapy-related, and convinced me to give all another try. I’d been to two therapists in the past, but both came up snake eyes. One was convinced I was repressing sexual abuse and another wanted to blame it on my parents, neither of which (in my case) was valid.
I spent a year-and-a-half in therapy and been on medication since. I take Effexor for depression and Depakote for bipolar disorder. When I first took the Effexor, I spent two weeks crying constantly and then three weeks on the top of the world. Then I crashed…hard. After a few months on the Depakote, things started getting better. But it’s more than the meds and the therapy.
A whole lot of it was redefining how I was looking at the world and reassessing what I felt was important. I shook off the last vestiges of trying to live up to other’s expectations and living for myself. I forgave a whoooole lot of people - particularly ex-girlfriends and my ex-fiance - and forgave myself for not being exactly what I thought I should be. I learned how to channel my anger and frustration at the world’s injustices into finding ways of making things better in any way I could, no matter how small. I quit my dead-end job, even though I’d spent my whole life trying to get to the position I’d gained in my field, simply because it no longer made me happy. Nowadays, I do what I have to do to keep home and hearth together and, otherwise, do just what I damn well please. I play rock & roll, I write, I drink when I want, eat what I like, and, more or less, embrace my weirdness.
Now, my case is, of course, just my case, and therein lies the problem with medications and therapy. The human brain is an astounding device and every one is different. Thus, every person suffering from mental illness has to attack the problem differently. Meds, therapy, herbal supplements, whatever…they’re just added weapons in the fight. The change has really gotta come from within. As Chimera shows, it’s easy to get frustrated with the whole affair. Elvis knows I did, to the point where I was ready to blow my brains out simply out of irritation. But…you gotta keep at it and you gotta want it to work.
The odd thing about depression, be it clinical or simply a case of the blues, is how comfortable it is. Being hungry, being passionate about life is difficult. It’s much easier to just let the black tornado blow you wherever it wants you to go, or at least I found it so. I like to consider myself a success story. I’m content with the direction my life is taking for the first time in a long time, and I’m completely comfortable with the problems I went through. It irks me a little that mental illness is considered such a “shameful” subject still in this day and age, when it’s no different from any other physical illness.
Good luck to you and I hope you find the right combination of whatever it takes to make you feel what you want to feel. My story’s not to give advice or direct a path; it’s just a story. I hope, if nothing else, it shows that the pain, frustration, loneliness, confusion, anger and all the other demons that one goes through in depression aren’t obstacles too large to overcome. This is a fight way too important to give up.
Take care,
Matt
Depression fucking sucks. Anxiety sucks almost as bad. And for me, the two go hand in hand. I recently started back on Serzone to control the daily panic attacks I’ve been having recently.
I hope you find something to help you.
Depression fucking sucks. Anxiety sucks almost as bad. And for me, the two go hand in hand. I recently started back on Serzone to control the daily panic attacks I’ve been having recently.
I hope you find something to help you.
Please explain exactly what psychotic episodes are.
Psychosis is losing touch with reality, typically in the form of delusions or hallucinations. It’s a general term for a more severe set of mental disturbances. The symptoms you may associate with schizophrenics are representative of psychosis. When someone is diagnosed with something “with psychotic episodes” it means they can often remain relatively functional most of the time but have periods where they may need to be hospitalized or treated with a different set of meds. At this point they can be dangerous to themselves and others and may will be considered “temporarily insane” in a legal sense. Often people diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder will have psychotic episodes on the manic side. They will go on wild spending sprees, think they can do anything - Ever see that movie “Mr. Jones” with Richard Gere? Here is a bit more:
http://www.hsu.edu/faculty/langlet/lectures/Abnormal/psychosis.html
TMWTGG, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all this.
I’m taking SSRIs for an anxiety disorder. It took a long time to find the correct type and dosage. Paxil knocked me on my ass. Prozak didn’t work. Celexa works great with minimal side effects. I do get a bit sleepy after taking it, so I make sure to take it before going to bed.
But it took a long time to get it all worked out. Of course, it doesn’t help that it can take many weeks to find out if the darn drug is working at all–and, if not, you get to start over. And if it’s not working well, is it the type of drug or the dosage that’s wrong? So in a lot of ways it’s trial and error.
But I don’t look on it as a “crap shoot” where the doctor didn’t knowing what he was doing It was more that he didn’t know exactly how each drug would react with me and my individual body/brain chemistry. I have a number of friends on SSRIs and we all have different perscriptions and dosages.
It stinks that they don’t have it down to a simple matter of “okay, you have XYZ characteristics, so your perscription is ABC.” But please have faith that there is help for you. At the end of all my experimenting, I am once again a normal human being without constant panic attacks thanks to my daily 20 mg of Celexa.
But do get into talk therapy. The drugs helped me acheive a mental state where I could deal with my problems (when I couldn’t even talk about them at first without totally going anxiety-ridden crazy), but they didn’t solve anything. It’s like breaking your leg. You can put it in a cast and take pain killers to deal with the immediate issues, but you’ve still got some healing to do. I may always need to be on the Celexa, but thanks to the talk therapy, I’m much more able to deal with problems and I’m able to be on a much lower dose.
Also, are there any support groups in your area that you can find? I have some very good friends who also suffer from anxiety/depression and we have regular get togethers. I can’t tell you how much it helps to talk to people who are going through the same thing. People who don’t have these issues often don’t understand that you can’t just cheer up and be happy on will power alone. And it’s so comforting to realize you’re not alone and you’re not a freak because your brain chemistry is a bit off. I seem to remember that there’s an online support group started by someone on the SDMB, but I can’t find it.
Well, I’ve recovered from the Depakote. Back to my Risperdol/Seroquel-induced balance-beam of nervousness and anger.
Whee.