Having older parents is tough [Update - father has passed]

I wouldn’t go that far. First of all, the trope of Jewish guilt comes from a place of truth. We are bathed in it from birth and it’s a part of our being. You learn to take it with a grain of salt.

Secondly, his mother died of Hepatitis A from food poisoning when she was about 80 and you could see the will to live just leave her body. I was in high school at the time and still remember it, as does he. I think he’s torn between the pain of getting old and the worry of leaving my mother alone. That’s just being human.

My parents moved to a condo a decade ago and are generally accepting of help, the family farm idea doesn’t really apply here. They’ve lived a long, good life. Their kids are all married (1st marriages all around!), good well adjusted grandkids who are mostly in long term relationships/married, and now have a great grandchild. All of us live in the city and pre-Covid would generally have dinner once a week with whomever is around. We’re a tighter knit family than most.

It’s just hard to face the mortality of your parents on a daily basis, wondering if today is the day.

Just to be clear, I wasn’t suggesting your (Fin’s) family was that mess. Rather that *MMM’s stated wish, as totally unelaborated by him, might be setting up a real trap. Of which your situation might be an example he could learn from.

I’m heartened to hear everyone in your family is doing the best they can with this. Yes, watching the will to live drop away is heart-rending. As is the phone call when, will or no, the end has come or is about to.

Good luck with this; we’re here for you and yours…

Seconded on all points. You’re a good son and your parents are lucky to have you looking out for them so lovingly and diligently.

My late grandfather liked to say, “Growing old is hell!” My parents and my in-laws are all still alive, thank God, but definitely getting on in years. My mom, in particular, has Parkinson’s and her memory is not nearly what it once was. Her hands slightly shake almost constantly. Every time I see her (only through Zoom these days, alas) I’m struck by how old and frail she looks. I dread the day I learn that this wonderful, dear lady has died… and it could easily be tomorrow, or next week.

So we may have turned a corner.

My mother definitely has a UTI and definitely does not have Covid. It took about 90 minutes for a Covid test yesterday afternoon, results were available online by 9am this morning. Between me, my brother, and my wife she’s been taken care of and seems to be on the mend after a couple of days of antibiotics.

My dad has gone from discussing funeral arrangements to complaining about likely being put on dialysis starting this week. Still in pain, still grumpy, but not the same end of the line talk.

I know the call will come in the next few years, but it doesn’t appear to be this week.

Many thanks for the update, FTTL. Sounds like good news, all in all.

Good news! Dialysis is no picnic, but it’s more fun than being the guest of honor at a funeral.

I attended my first Zoom funeral on Sat. That zoominess made a bad day a lot worse for everyone. All the pathos and none of the communal / familial fellowship. Ouch!

Got the call at 4:30am to say that he was gone. My mom and siblings met at the hospital to say goodbye.

Speaking to the funeral home this morning to make arrangements. We’re only allowed graveside funerals with 20 people. Immediate family is 17, so at last we don’t need to get in touch with a lot of people with the timing.

I’m just numb.

My deepenst condolences. Numb is about all one can expect for a few days. We’re all here for you night and day.

Be grateful for that large a service. I attended a Zoom funeral last week for a woman where only her husband and son were in physical attendance; the entire remaining extended family, 20-ish people, were not allowed in.

finstotheleft, i’m so very sorry. just when you got a bit of a deep breath.

may his memory be a blessing.

FTTL, so sorry to hear that. You have my heartfelt condolences. May you be comforted, as Lincoln wrote, “by memories of the loved and lost.”

So sorry to learn of your loss. Peace to you and yours.

Sorry to hear about this. My condolences to the family. I’m sad that it was so hectic during the last weeks, but hopefully maybe you got some quiet together time over the week since your last update.

My condolences. It’s hard to have the rug pulled out from under you like that.

Peace to you and your family.

StG

We grieve with thee.

May you find comfort in your memories.

~VOW

Condolences and peace to you and your family.

Thank you for the kind wishes everyone. We’re now working on the new normal as we try to move on.