Did anyone see this documentary? It gave me the heebie jeebies and I’ve been dying to talk it over. My husband refused to watch it so he’s out.
FTR, it’s a documentary by a filmmaker whose grandfather was a child molester. He molested his daughters and stepdaughters (and he was married twice each time to women who had several daughters–no coincidence there–so we’re talking a lot of victims), and it left one hell of an ugly legacy on this guy’s family. It’s a pretty stark film.
We watched it. Wow.
I think the thing I liked best about it is that everyone was so matter-of-fact about what happened. The things that man did are so horrible it makes one want to scream and yell and hit and generally lash out with sufficient force to obliterate the event entirely.
And that the one thing that can’t happen. That stuff is now history, truth. And as revolting and stomach turning as it is (my husband nearly puked several times), treating it as truth rather than drama was very powerful. Drama involves stories, and stories are fluid. Truth is more like a rock, it might not be pretty, but it is there and we deal with it and move along.
The story was very powerful for me personally because of my history, but I’d like to see if anyone else is interested in talking about this before I open that door.
What my wife said (above). At several points, the display of unthinking animal cruelty visited on the kids by the father (and by several of the kids on one another) literally made my gorge rise. I’m pretty thick-skinned, but holy Christ.
It has definitely haunted me. It’s one of those movies where you say, “Incredible film. Powerful, moving, a remarkable and laudable achievement. Now I never want to see it again.”
And like katrina said, there was a therapeutic aspect to it as well, but I’ll respect her boundaries and leave it at that.
I’ve been staying away from it because I don’t know how I will react. While I doubt my experience is any where near what looks like the hideous circumstances of the documentary, it’s not something I would look forward to.
I guess that’s why I was reading the thread, to get the story without having to watch it…
Three things really stuck with me. One was the matter-of-fact way the filmmaker himself discussed his own molestation experiences. He was completely open and unemotional about it. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone discuss something like that in such an unselfconscious, unashamed way.
The other was how wrecked some of those women’s lives were. A couple of them were living in cars! Most of them had attempted suicide! Alcoholism was a problem. Some of them were passing on the experiences by putting their own kids in harm’s way. What a legacy.
The third was their resilience. There was a sequence where he talked about the sense of humor in his family. Scene after scene of them laughing, joking, giggling. As screwed up as they were, they seemed to look out for each other, and to really care that they each somehow survived it.
Shoot, I said three and now I have a fourth. The graveside scene when the credits were rolling. The minister is reaching deep to scrape up something to say [“He was a great mechanic”] and one of the daughters interrupts him and starts saying she’s not sorry he’s dead because he was so awful. I wanted to cheer, even though it was so awkward. When the minister gently admonished “Let’s have some GOOD memories, people!” I wanted to guffaw.
Yeah, the funeral scene was pretty wrenching. I didn’t want to guffaw, though: I wanted to barf. I mean, Jesus, how hypocritical can it get? When you have to scrape the wood off the bottom of the barrel in order to extract a wriggling grub that bears a passing resemblance to something that might in a parallel universe be something nice you can say about the guy, then maybe you shouldn’t bother, hmmm?
I was molested repeatedly by my father from ages 9-13. I’m forty seven now, and yet that show was still really unnerving.
The depressing part was seeing again, women acting as enablers not only to Melvin, but the scene where the daughters visit him in the hospital/nursing home. They kissed him, and said they loved him. Setting up a possible scenario for all those present to either do the same kind of abusing, or be partners with an abuser. It made my stomach turn over. I almost wish I hadn’t watched it.
I felt crankyasanoldman after the show was over.