He Hates The Car, Hates The Stroller, And I'm Going Nuts

[inkleberry]

So, I am going crazy with my kid here, and I’m hoping other parents have had a similar experience and can help us out. I have no idea what else to do with the behavior I’m seeing.

Tinkleberry HATES the car. Cries hysterically whenever we drive anywhere. Frequently he cries so hard he chokes. This starts the second he is put in the car seat, and often he cannot calm down for 20 minutes after a ride. He cries so hard he gags and shakes, and cannot be comforted. The thrashing and the crying leave him a sweaty and hysterical mess. Bloodshot eyes, tears, dry mouth from screaming, shaking, etc. I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s so bad we do not ever take him on car rides over 1/2 an hour, and even those usually involve me pulling over at least once to take him out and calm him down, which takes 10-20 minutes on average. He does not cry himself out. He does not take breaks. These are terrible sobs and top-of-the-lungs screams. It is so bad we are restricted to running errands only when my husband is home, so one person stays at home with Tink while the other goes out and gets things done. A trip to the post office 2 miles away is torture. This has been this way since his first trip home from the hospital. We keep hearing he’ll “grow out of it”, but it’s now getting dangerous because he thrashes and hits himself so much he bruises himself and can become hoarse by the end of a ride.

We’ve tried different car seats, toys, music, people sitting with him, bottles, air on, air off, windows up, windows down, sun shields, etc etc etc. Nothing makes a lick of difference. We went to visit my family last week and they were pretty shocked by it.

The same goes for strollers. He will not tolerate being in one beyond a block. We’ve tried different kinds, different levels of seat incline, toys, etc etc etc. We simply no longer use our stroller, because for months we have ended up carrying him and pushing the damn empty thing. The same thing that happens in the car happens in the stroller.

He loves to go out, but only in a front facing carrier. This means going out tends to be restricted to places we can walk to while carrying a 16lb kid, which aren’t many. In the carrier, he’s happy as a bloody clam.

We’ve had trouble getting to appointments and play groups because of this. If I have to be somewhere at, say 10, I need to leave at 9, so I have plenty of time to pull over at least once and a good 10 minutes to comfort him at the end of the ride.

Is this normal? I tried asking some other moms in playgroups, and they looked at me like I was from Mars. Should I tell the pediatrician? I’m tempted because he literally makes himself ill from the crying and the upset, and has a lot of difficulty calming down. This is a total contrast to normal behavior, during the rest of the time he cries very rarely and quiets almost immediately when held, changed, or fed. Usually he is a happy and wiggly little guy, but man, the car rides are killing us. It’s like traveling with Linda Blair.

Ideas? Ever heard of this sort of behavior? Should I try facing him forward in the car? I know that is an absolutely terrible thing to do, but I am at the end of my rope.

[FatBaldGuy]

That is definitely unusual. With most babies I have known the last resort to get them to STOP crying is to put them in the car and drive around for a few minutes. THey usually calm down and go right to sleep.

How old is Tinkleberry now?

[LavenderBlue]

Are you nursing? When I was nursing my daughter hated the car unless I was in the back seat with her. She would calm down once she saw me there. My husband drove a lot.

As a two year old she still isn’t fond of the car seat but if put enough toys and snacks she’ll tolerate it.

I’ve never heard of another child with such large car problems. You have sincerest sympathies.

[inkleberry]

@FatBaldGuy

That is definitely unusual. With most babies I have known the last resort to get them to STOP crying is to put them in the car and drive around for a few minutes. THey usually calm down and go right to sleep.

How old is Tinkleberry now?

To make this thouroughly bizarre- you know what our “last resot” is? Impressionist art. I’m serious. He loves to stare at impressionist paintings. At 3 months he cried when we left a Rodin exhibit. Paintings and art calm him right down, and he’ll stare at them for a good 1/2 hour at a time. Tonight he finally calmed down when I held him up to the Van Gogh in his bed room. He totally ignores “baby art”, like patterns or big faces, but will get sucked in by museum stuff.

Tink is now 5 months, and big. 27" and 15-16 lbs. And to think, this is the kid who was so wee we had to get him preemie clothes when he first came home.

[inkleberry]

@lavenderlemon

Are you nursing? When I was nursing my daughter hated the car unless I was in the back seat with her. She would calm down once she saw me there. My husband drove a lot.

As a two year old she still isn’t fond of the car seat but if put enough toys and snacks she’ll tolerate it.

I’ve never heard of another child with such large car problems. You have sincerest sympathies.

I am no longer nursing. It’s a very long story, but the end product is that it’s just not going to work.

We tried a person in the back seat, but he actively bites them if they try to comfort him.

[Rushgeekgirl]

I have no advice but I can tell you you are not alone.
Isabella HATES the car seat, hates her swing, hates her bouncer, only tolerates the stroller when we’re walking outside, hates her crib, hates anything that doesn’t involve me staring directly into her eyes and/or bouncing her up and down.

Our solution is a non-solution. We don’t go anywhere that’s not absolutely necessary. We figure she will grow out of it (although your story isn’t very comforting!).

We’ve noticed she’s a bit calmer if** I** sit in the back with her, but that causes another set of problems since I’m the only licensed driver in the family.

I asked my doctor and didn’t get any suggestions that I hadn’t already tried. Maybe you’ll have more luck.
And when you do, please let me know!

[Rushgeekgirl]

@inkleberry

To make this thouroughly bizarre- you know what our “last resot” is? Impressionist art. I’m serious. He loves to stare at impressionist paintings. At 3 months he cried when we left a Rodin exhibit. Paintings and art calm him right down, and he’ll stare at them for a good 1/2 hour at a time. Tonight he finally calmed down when I held him up to the Van Gogh in his bed room. He totally ignores “baby art”, like patterns or big faces, but will get sucked in by museum stuff.

That’s not bizarre in a bad way though! It’s pretty cool!
As soon as you said that I remembered Bella falling asleep a few nights ago while staring at my screensaver. I have that windows maze thing with all the colors.

Maybe you should have a painting hung on the backseat?

Have you tried one of those projector toys? We tried that but it’s just as complicated having me sit in the backseat holding it. It’s neat though. It projects sleeping bears and stars and clouds wherever you have a fairly flat surface while playing classical pieces.

[Stranger_On_A_Train]

Not to be an alarmist, but this has the hallmark of autistic spectrum disorder. The excessive sensory input (driving at “high” speed) can be overwhelming. Does Tinkleberry show any other signs of autism, i.e. pulling away or responding negative to being held or personal contact, obsessive attention to objects, et cetera? The art obsession also seems typical.

On the other hand, it could just be a “phase”. Not being a parent I can’t really speak with any authority, but I gather that a lot of infants go through bizarre sequences of behavior. It’s something to be checked out and kept in mind, perhaps, but at this stage of development I doubt any doctor is going to offer a definitive opinion.

Stranger

[inkleberry]

@Stranger On A Train

Not to be an alarmist, but this has the hallmark of autistic spectrum disorder. The excessive sensory input (driving at “high” speed) can be overwhelming. Does Tinkleberry show any other signs of autism, i.e. pulling away or responding negative to being held or personal contact, obsessive attention to objects, et cetera? The art obsession also seems typical.

On the other hand, it could just be a “phase”. Not being a parent I can’t really speak with any authority, but I gather that a lot of infants go through bizarre sequences of behavior. It’s something to be checked out and kept in mind, perhaps, but at this stage of development I doubt any doctor is going to offer a definitive opinion.

Stranger

Those are Scary Words, since we have Autism on both sides of the family. DrLoveGun’s sister is on the sever end of the spectrum. Speaking of which, she apparently could not stand going in reverse in the car. As long as she went forward, she was fine, but even backing out of parking spaces left her a crying mess. This is partly why I am wondering about maybe doing a brief trial with him front facing, say in an empty parking lot. Except his stroller is front facing, and that is equally a misery.

OTOH, he is a super-social baby. Eye contact within a week, social smiling at 6 weeks, loves to be held, engages in “conversation,” meets new people well, and will point things out to us either using his hand or by staring intensely at something, looking at us and making noise, and then staring intensely at it again. So clearly, humans matter and he likes to engage with them.

On the third hand, I wonder if sitting is somehow uncomfortable for him. He has been having issues with using his left side correctly, and the doctor said unless he gets his act in gear and starts using it equally to the right, we may be looking at a dx of mild CP. So perhaps weight in a semi-reclined position puts pressure on his hips/lower back that hurts somehow?

Bloody hell. THis child-raising business is complicated. Someone bring me a trashy magazine and a cup of tea.

[Mr.Moto]

I was thinking the same thing. I am not a doctor, and I don’t want to alarm you, inkleberry, but this and the intense attention to the paintings might point to a hypersensitivity of some kind.

This might need some further attention from you and your doctors.

[inkleberry]

@Mr. Moto

I was thinking the same thing. I am not a doctor, and I don’t want to alarm you, inkleberry, but this and the intense attention to the paintings might point to a hypersensitivity of some kind.

This might need some further attention from you and your doctors.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

It is not doctor time! We hate doctor time! We have seen soooooooooo many doctors! And they never say anything good!

It’s trashy magazine and tea time! And perhaps a thorough massge. And helper monkeys to do my bidding. That’s what time it is.

[Mr.Moto]

You need to work on your fantasies.

In my dreams, my army of helpers are never monkeys.

[inkleberry]

@Mr. Moto

You need to work on your fantasies.

In my dreams, my army of helpers are never monkeys.

Well, I don’t want to do anything nefarious with them, I just wanna send 'em for coffee. And donuts. Their tails would be an awfully convenient carrying apparatus for foods with holes.

Besides, nobody is getting busy on the coffee-fetching robot I askled for years ago…

[Stranger_On_A_Train]

@Mr. Moto

]In my dreams, my army of helpers are never monkeys.

Flying monkeys are very fast.

inkleberry, it was not my intention to raise undue alarm, and as you’ve indicated, the doctors all offer up opinions, most of which contradict each other. (Afer all, you’re paying them all thiws money, so they have to issue some kind of diagnosis.)

I wouldn’t panic yet, and in any case even if is some kind of ASD or hypersensitivity, there is hardly anything you can do about it at this stage other than to make tinkleberry as comfortable as possible, but it is something to bear in mind for future evaluation.

Good luck to you.

Stranger

[Mr.Moto]

The Japanese are working on that robot thing. Trust me.

Seriously, I really do hope it’s nothing. Please keep us informed.

[inkleberry]

@Stranger On A Train

Flying monkeys are very fast.

inkleberry, it was not my intention to raise undue alarm, and as you’ve indicated, the doctors all offer up opinions, most of which contradict each other. (Afer all, you’re paying them all thiws money, so they have to issue some kind of diagnosis.)

I wouldn’t panic yet, and in any case even if is some kind of ASD or hypersensitivity, there is hardly anything you can do about it at this stage other than to make tinkleberry as comfortable as possible, but it is something to bear in mind for future evaluation.

Good luck to you.

Stranger

I’m not panicking, I’m just seriously needing a solution. I’m also considering asking the ped. for an anti-emetic to rule out motion sickness, which also runs like wildfire in our family (I get it on trains even, and cannot be a passenger in cars, even in the front seat).

We haven’t had that many diagnoses with all his health problems, and only 1 goose-chase about diabetes insipidus. To be fair, he had every bloody symptom, and his initial bacterial screens came back negative, so we didn’t figure out there were bacterial issues involving Mr. Kidney and Mr. Bladder for a few days. Those have been resolved nicely, thank god. He now pees like a normal boy. Hooray for normal pee! Hooray for only 12 or so diapers a day!

The CP idea caught us by total suprise. I went to his last check-up and remarked about how right handed he was. Why, he’d even roll over on his side to grab objects on his left using his right hand! Then the doctor made Concerned Face. D’oh. :smack:

Right now we are thinking about putting him the front seat of our minivan (it does NOT have passenger airbags, it’s an older model) to see if he can be more easily comforted that way.

Again, this child-raising business is more complicated than the brochure lead us to believe. I demand monkeys in compensation.

[Gorgonzola]

Are you worried, inkleberry? You sound worried. To be honest, this is a very difficult question (obviously you should be worried, his behaviour is troublesome), but infants and children are also prone to just strange ways of relating.

Suggestive symptoms in early childhood
According to a study by Gillberg et al 12 it is possible to recognise autism in infancy. The symptoms most commonly reported in a study of 28 children were peculiarities of gaze, hearing and play.
Gaze
Avoidance of eye contact is often thought to be a characteristic of children with autism. This feature is less important than the unusual quality of the gaze. Many infants do not appear to see people and so may not look people in the eye, but in the baby with autism the gaze tends to be brief and out of the corner of the eye7.
Hearing
Peculiarities of hearing seem to be especially significant. Many children with autism have been suspected of being deaf at an early stage in their lives17. Very few actually have a hearing loss, though they may not respond to their name and appear to be unaffected by audible changes in the environment. Children with autism may seem to ignore even very loud noises that would be expected to startle most ordinary children. This may be to do with a generalised lack of interest in their surroundings9. It may be due to abnormalities in perception, since children with autism can appear to be especially sensitive to certain sounds 3,16. For example, a child with autism may develop a fascination for particular sounds such as that made by a friction-driven toy, or respond to the sound of a sweet being unwrapped from a considerable distance. Other sounds may appear to cause extreme distress, such as a police siren or a barking dog.
Social development and play
In young babies, play and social activity are closely connected and it is in this sphere of development that parents may note that their child is odd. Babies with autism may show a lack of interest in the types of play that most infants enjoy, such as those which involve social interaction with the parent.
The lack of sharing activity appears to be significant. Frith and Soares’s study 13 of 173 responses from parents of children with autism indicate the lack of joint interest and activity displayed by their children in the first year. Babies with autism do not point out things of interest, do not take an active part in playing baby games and do not want to share in activities. These signs were not mentioned by the control group of parents of normally-developing children.
Referral
Early parental concerns about the developmental progress of their baby should always be heeded. If a mother expresses anxiety about her baby’s social and emotional responses and perceptual abilities, the professional must be alert to the possibility of autism. Appropriate referral to specialists in normal and abnormal child development may mean that a diagnosis is reached sooner than has been typical in the past. A child development unit has the resources to assess a child in all aspects of development. While babies may display “autistic features”, only a comprehensive diagnostic assessment can reveal whether they have autism or are merely displaying behaviour attributable to other difficulties18.
Assessment
This is best done at a child development unit because the expertise of a variety of disciplines is required and a team approach has been found to result in more accurate diagnosis. Assessment of suspected autism entails the parents providing a review of the family history, the pregnancy and the child’s behaviour and developmental progress. A physical examination is required to determine any underlying medical conditions contributing to deviations and/or delays in expected developmental progress.
Developmental assessment includes fine and gross motor skills, language, (reception, expression and verbalization), sensory perception, social and emotional development and play. The quality of development is an important feature of the assessment, hence the way skills are used are as important as their presence. For example, a child with autism may have acquired the ability to reproduce words, but not have developed an understanding of their meaning. Or a young child with autism may point to an object but in a non-social fashion rather than to direct another person’s attention to it 19 .
Ideally, children should also be observed in their usual environment, at home or nursery. Rating scales may be useful as a screening instrument2,19 but are not considered appropriate as a diagnostic tool2.
The diagnosis of autism is unlikely to be made on the basis of one examination, especially if the child is very young. Close monitoring of progress and regular assessment are essential to enable a full picture to be built up. Regardless of whether a definite diagnosis of autism is reached, children and their parents can be offered help. Babies suspected of having a developmental disorder can receive services for their particular needs and have their progress monitored. Parents can be supported and taught ways to assist their child that are specific for each sphere of the baby’s development.
Diagnosis is likely to involve consultation between the unit team, who may include a paediatrician, clinical psychologist, child psychiatrist, speech therapist, play therapist. nurse specialist and social worker. Their role is also to help families to provide appropriate interventions to help the child. These should be based on the unique needs of the individual and will involve assistance with play and social interactions, behaviour and communication. Aarons & Gittens10 recommend early placement in a nursery or playgroup to provide the child with valuable social experience and learning opportunities, and enable the child’s difficulties to be clarified. They would like:
“Specialist nurseries to be available where young children with autistic features could attend, even part-time, for continuing assessment . . . expertise in autism could then be centralised in a district, and parents would have access to advice and support10 .”

[inkleberry]

@Gorgonzola

Are you worried, inkleberry? You sound worried. To be honest, this is a very difficult question (obviously you should be worried, his behaviour is troublesome), but infants and children are also prone to just strange ways of relating.

I’m worried about the car issue, but not the autism so much. I worry because my 5 month old should not emerge from cars sweaty and hoarse and inconsolable. Also, they should not gag on their own tears and scare me. And I shouldn’t have to rock on the floor for half an hour with a baby who is clearly traumatized by something and I can’t figure out what it is.

Meanwhile, he is is totally unlike the babies mentioned in that link. He loves his humans. And he always wants to play with us and have “chats.”

Something is up. It is only Mr. Car and Mr. Stroller that cause the extreme unpleasentness. Otherwise, he is a super easy going kid that doesn’t cry much and giggles alot, especially when he poos.

[Gorgonzola]

I keep a diary of my experiences raising our daughter. I recently came across an entry where I documented her suddenly developing a terror of the bath at about ten months, with kicking and screaming and absolute horror screaming “OUT! OUT!” until we’d take her out.

I was surprised, because I didn’t remember that. Yet according to the diary, it had gone on for a couple of weeks at that time. I guess we must have kept on bathing her, and at some point she must have stopped.

Tinkleberry is certainly being a pain in the butt. Whatever is up with him, whether it has a name or not, he’s going to be an original.

[Sierra_Indigo]

It’s going to sound horrible, and I’m not a parent so feel free to tell me to shut up if I’m completely off the wall, but is part of the problem that you have been trying so hard to comfort him when he is that distressed? I’m not doubting that he is in distress, because that level of screaming and discomfort isn’t just an ordinary tantrum, but has he associated “Car=bad=scream=mommy cuddles me more and kisses me” in his head? That could be part of why it continues so fiercely. Maybe?