Sorry, that’s a total tangent. We don’t need to discuss guns in this thread, or declawing cats, or declawing armed cats. My mistake.
Mr Bus Guy: Best wishes for you and yours, were I in your position I’d have done much the same.
We live in a sad, sad world where a father has to be concerned with things like court orders against him for doing nothing more than protecting his daughter in cases like this. I’m going to leave all of the “Bus Kid going back to asshole” concerns aside. That’s a situation you’ll have to deal with when and if it comes up. I am going to address the email though: Bravo. You did the right thing, and I want you to follow through on the promises you made in it. Unfortunately, the pussy litigious society we live in means that the email was probably a bad idea. I think you should personally meet up with this guy, in a setting without any witnesses, and convey to him the exact sentiments you wrote in your email. That gets what needs to be done done without any legal consequences coming back on you. Some people NEED their asses kicked. Unfortunately in the world today it’s often impractical. And people wonder why the crime problem is spiraling out of control. :rolleyes:
I would tend to think that asshole boyfriend on his knees with a shotgun barrel in his mouth would be an ideal solution to this mess. Mr. Bus Guy cocking the triggers should cure him once and for all, and the urine running down his leg will serve as a lifelong reminder not to do it again. No trigger need be pulled.
Mr Bus Guy, I’m really sorry that this happened to your daughter. I’m encouraged (as previous posters are) that she came out and told you the story, asked for your help, and is pursuing legal means of protecting herself from the abuser.
On the other hand, while I do sympathize with your feelings, I have to agree with those who wish that you hadn’t sent the e-mail. I much prefer Sam Stone’s idea of talking to the guy rather than threatening him via a medium with a paper trail. Threats that are backed up with action will land you in jail, and threats that you do not enforce gives the abuser satisfaction that he doesn’t deserve. Particularly worrisome is this part:
(bolding mine).
So, let’s imagine that he calls your daughter from a blocked number (not his own phone) in the middle of the night, and doesn’t say anything. Are you really going to pay him a “very personal visit” that he couldn’t imagine in his worst nightmare, with no evidence that it was him? If not, you’ve made a threat and not followed up on it, which is never a good plan.
Don’t just bookmark it, print it. Perhaps even get the printed copy notarized. The Chicago Reader is under no obligation to keep this thread readable, and the servers could crash and lose the data. It’s happened before.
Unless my Godfather recall is way off base, it didn’t work out too well for Sonny:The Corleones’ enemies arranged for Connie’s husband (Sonny’s BIL) to hit her again, so Sonny went off in a rage to put into effect his earlier threats. He got whacked at the tollbooth in one of the movie’s most memorable scenes. His enemies relied on his rage to make a strategic error and leave himself in a predictable location, vulnerable and without bodyguards.
And I bet the judge and jury will love seeing the videotape that the asshole boyfriend made of the above encounter (using a nannycam or similar) because he knew Mr Bus Guy was coming.
I in no way condone abusers. To answer arm bruises with a shotgun in the mouth is not a solution that I can get behind, however. :rolleyes:
(BTW: Murder and robbery rates declined during the 1990s. Total violent and nonviolent crime rates were lower in 2000 than they were in 1990, 1985 or 1980). Source: Statistical Abstract of the US, 2003.
Separately, I’d guess that our pussy litigation is saving lives, at the cost of some nontrivial frustration.
---- I would tend to think that asshole boyfriend on his knees with a shotgun barrel in his mouth would be an ideal solution to this mess.
Hm. So you are advocating assault then. Methinks your proposal goes beyond the former solution of settling things in the parking lot (which also involves A&B).
Best wishes to Bus Guy. I’m guessing that he will take the advice of the cooler heads on this board.
IANAL but d*mn the legal considerations. I think you did right, Mr Bus Guy.
So, what happened?
Did the dimwit call?
Mr. Busguy?
Let’s see now, what was it that created this problem…um…OH, I remember, someone attempting to control another person by using VIOLENCE!
Now who do we all know that believes the primary way to deal w/ a problem is by using violence, someone I’m sure we all support and admire? Why of course, that would be George Bush. So we should teach this BF that using violence is unacceptable by using even more violence, yeah I’m sure he’ll get that message load and clear.
Everybody got that?
does every thread require a fucking Bush* reference???
*there, that should keep the kids busy
Maybe because kicking one’s ass is, I dunno, a crime? Irony, much?
Bears repeating.
This line really set my alarm bells off. Your daughter must be really really scared if she’s enlisted or approved her father to communicate with the ex-boyfriend on her behalf.That is not normal .
As a father of a 22 year old daughter, I had to travel to the big city with my pickup to secretly move my daughter out of her apartment. She also had to quit a good paying job that she scored a year previously because she knew that he would hassle her there. She started her life all over again in our hometown after e-mailing him that she left him to live in another state. Other than answering the phone, which she avoided, she begged me to not say anything to the guy. That was about two years ago.
I truly believe that there isn’t anything you can say that would influence his behavior favourably. What he needs to realize is that he no longer has any influence over your daughter. That will however take time. In the meantime your daughter needs to protect herself. Court orders are fine but I’ve heard of too many instances where they are ignored. IMHO she needs to hide.
Jesus, Bus Guy. 
I hope **Bus Kid ** is doing well today, and every day.
I know nothing about legal implications (or non implications) of your e-mail, so I won’t pretend I know anything - I just want to say I think you’re a great father. I come from a town where many parents will not step up for their kids - even adult kids need their parents sometimes - and I’ve seen women fall into a terrible pattern, because their own fathers have told them that they got hit because they must have deserved it. Thankfully, my father was like you, and stepped between me and my ex, without violence, but with enough intimidation that it scared him away with his tail between his legs. It took four years for me to enlist his help, but when I did, I wondered why the hell I hadn’t done it earlier. Bus Kid may feel the same way - I don’t know what your relationship is like, but I want to echo **The Flying Dutchman ** - she must be truly scared. I walked around like a tall, proud woman of today while I was with my ex, thinking, knowing, I was strong enough to handle anything. But sometimes we need our families; sometimes we need to ask for help and not be ashamed. It’s not always easy, and I’m happy to see **Bus Kid ** came to you.
So, to you and the whole **Bus Family ** - I hope this fucker gets the point and stays far, far away.
Good advise in the snipped part.
You are correct about Sonny: almost a parable of how violence wouldn’t solve the problem. While it is fine to rage and wish violence on the punk, the best method would be to get the police involved early and ensure he understands he needs to never try and re-initiate contact. But it would probably feel good to at least think about publically humiliating him with a garbage can beating.
Mr Bus Guy My sorrow for your family haivng to go through this. I hope the punk just slinks away to never bother your family again.
Sam Stone You ever think, how am I going to deal with my little girl dating?
I don’t think I’ll be ready for it. I wonder if anyone ever is.
Jim
Never? I know it’s not the case in the case of this thread, but what about if a man is defending himself from a woman? Is it still unacceptable to hit her?
I think it was a bad idea to send that e-mail. It might piss him off more, or it might land the OP in hot water if he ever does follow through on his threat to pay this kid a visit. This isn’t a scrap between two 7 year-olds on the playground. Both the kids in this are legally adults, and in the adult world there are consequences to making threats.
I wouldn’t have sent that email. I don’t know what good could come of it, but I see a lot of bad that can.
I agree. When she was a minor- sending that email- without the threats- would be your duty as a father. Now that she’s an adult, she should be sending the email, not you. I understand your anger, of course. But next time (if there is a next time) post here FIRST, then make threats.
Good point!
I figured that might come up. I still think it would be best in the majority of cases to just walk away. It just looks bad if a woman has a black eye and you learn that a guy did it.
When it comes to teaching young boys about this subject, I’d rather teach them to just fend her off, and walk away. Teaching them “It’s sometimes okay to hit women” is just too ambiguous to me.
However, I’m sure there IS circumstances where it would be acceptable.
Perhaps I should have said “it’s unacceptable for a man to ever hit a woman in anger”?
(I was harbouring pretty severe damage from “boy’s night out” when I wrote that, so I’m shocked it was even coherent 
)
Wouldn’t “it is unacceptable to hit another person in anger” be even better? Women shouldn’t be hitting men, either, even though Men are certainly the bigger problem.
I believe that Bus GIrl has a right to defend herself. I believe Mr Bus Guy has a right to defend his child. I do NOT believe the boyfriend has a right to hit or harm Bus Girl.
There was a situation recently in my local news, but it’s not a new story, because it happens all the time. A woman was shot and killed by an ex who had been stalking her for years. She had been on the run for years. Oh yes, there was a restraining order, but it didn’t save her life. He found her. They argued. He shot her. The end. I think he shot himself too, that’s typical.
Sometimes you can’t run away. Sometimes you can’t hide. Sometimes there’s nobody around to protect you. And if the other guy intends that much violence against you, exactly how much good is your piece of paper gonna do?
First, Bus Girl has to break off all contact. If she’s lucky, ex-asshole will go away (although this means he’ll just go abuse somebody else, of course ). If he doesn’t go away, go ahead and get the restraining order, sure. But don’t expect it to actually help. Hope it will help, but don’t expect it to. And then she’ll have to have an escape plan for…how long? How can she defend herself, if this guy turns out to be one of the bad ones? Because all the police can do is show up afterward and take evidence and statements.
There is a place for self defense. C’mon, maybe the girl needs a taser or a can pf pepper spray. But she has a right to that *option * if it comes to it, however she chooses.