Stepping in briefly, with a hug and best wishes for Bus Kid and Mr Bus Guy:
Does anyone else find it really disturbing that the Google ads below are for humour writing workshops?
And here’s the next question: This guy’s the bad guy, right? WHY does Bus Girl have to “go into hiding”? Why should she have to? Why is this good advice to her, and “Make her capable of defending herself if necessary” is bad advice? Bad guy gets to continue to control her life…forever. Or as long as she in hiding.
So much, so much to reply to…
Let’s start with last night. Dinner was nice. Her, a friend of hers, us and our best friends at a nice steakhouse. Bus Kid is a major carnivore. Following that we all went to a mutual friend’s party, after which the Kid and her friend went off to meet Carlos and Brian for ice cream then they all joined us at our place. We sat and played Scene-It (I got my ass kicked) until 3 am.
She had a great day, with friends, family and I could see she felt better. Once or twice she checked her phone and listened to messages, but they weren’t him. This morning I asked, and she said no word from him at all. I reminded her again not to contact him for ANYTHING, and she just laughed and gave me a hug.
The girl and I have, I think a great relationship, she knows she can tell me anything. During her school years here, I was always involved in her activities as an adult booster, or some such thing. Half of her friends call me “dad” and I think I know enough to know when I’m not getting it straight from her.
In fact this morning, she reminded me to check my Cingular account and see if I didn’t believe her. I will but not because I don’t trust her, just so I can keep an eye on things.
There’s one thing to know about her - she has mostly male friends, but has not really ever had a “boyfriend”. Even this guy, while she called him that, never got into her heart I think. Always more of a close friend that she took some comfort in having around. If you had asked her what was the future with him, she’d shrug and laugh. There wasn’t one. She’s a motivated, ambitious kid that wants to graduate and become Queen of the World. He details cars for $9.00/hr and likes doing that.
The other thing to know is how many people she blew out of her life up to this point because of much smaller things than this. She’s comfortable with her path, and when people get under her skin, or do something that hurts her, she washes them right out of her hair. And never looks back. I hope he’s going to fall into the same category, but I’ll be there to remind her what happened in any case.
Someone in here said that they thought I’d take the advice of the cooler heads here, and realistically, I certainly intend to. The topic says a lot - someone talk me down. had I not had my head up my ass, I’d have posted the e-mail here before sending it, but what the hell, sometimes we do (or I do anyway) some things impulsively, based on emotion rather than common sense. If there are consequences, I’d have to say that on balance I feel I did the right thing, and I’ll deal with them. Truth is, that if this goes away (and I truly believe it will based on what I know of the moron. When all is said and done, one of my strengths is reading and knowing people), then there won’t be consequences.
BUT…so far so good. She shows no inclination to see him, talk to him or hear anything he has to say. Before this happened, months ago in fact she decided to transfer from her school 6 hours away in Cleveland back to a school in state. She picked that school when she thought broadcasting was what she wanted to do. Having had a taste of it, and remembering her childhood ambition to (A) own her own restaurant someday, or (B) become a corporate mogul, she changed her major to Business Administration/Entrepeneurship. realizing that there’s some damn fine business schools here in-state, she’ll finish in Ohio in May, and after that be at a state school 45 minutes from home.
Right now she’s at work. She’ll be home by 8, we’ll have a big-ass Sunday dinner, later than I’d usually make it, but the lasagna was her request, and I’m feeling kind of indulgent today.
Thanks again to everyone that gave me your opinion, and advice. I showed her this thread, and got mildly pissed at people that said I did the right thing, but I can see your point too, I’m not perfect and in my mind my motives were correct, so I have no apology to make.
Now I’m going to finish watching the Bears apparently on their way to losing in Pittsburgh, then I have to start making tomato gracy for lasagna. If it doesn’t simmer 3 hours, I might as well pour it out of a jar, right?
Mr. Bus Guy, I’m rooting for the Steelers, even if I can’t watch, but other than that, thanks for one heck of a post. You and your daughter both sound like great, sensible people and I’d wish you the best, but it seems like you’ve got most of it, including the ability to appreciate it.
Enjoy your dinner and your daughter. You’ve got a lot to be proud of there.
CJ 
Here’s the problem: When you go up against a crazy person, or someone with more willingness to resort to violence than you have, you can’t win. Beat the guy, and he’ll come back with a baseball bat or worse. If he knows where you live, you might find rocks coming through your window at night, your cars being vandalized, etc.
The crazy lunatic often has nothing to lose. He has no family, no reputation to protect, no standing in the community, and no career to lose. You do. That gives him an enormous advantage.
I’m all for personal defense. I’m in favor of concealed carry laws. But when you’re in a situation with someone who knows you, the best thing you can do is attempt to defuse it. Do not let it escalate.
I’m sure it will involve a lot of caffeine. I’ve also been considering a move to a desert island… (-:
Stupid Orton, shows nothing the whole game then threads the needle on two consecutive plays…
Anyway I said that up there completely bacvkwards.
Should read:
Mr Bus Guy
I’m glad you printed the correction of how your daughter felt because I think my posting (#34) falls into the “pro-Email” mentality.
just to get another perspective- my father was angry enough at my ex husband to tell me that he’d do violence.
my reaction to that? I was not happy about it - what the fuck did I need to worry about my father going ape shit over an assholes’ actions, perhaps landing daddy in jail.
jus’ sayin is all.
This is awful.
I hope Bus Kid and all the Buses are OK through it.
I wish we had a good solution for assholes such as him. Maybe if we (as a society) didn’t look the other so much, this kind of behavior would be more marginalized and less common. I dunno.
Um, if your daughter is just 20, what was she doing “drinking too much,” let alone at all?
Probably at a party or something. I realize, of course, that people under 21 drinking is very, very unusual and how you might be shocked at this revelation.
I saw on the Forum page that Updike had the last post and opened the thread, again, to see how much he agreed with the BF instead of Mr Bus Guy.
Close enough.
Where did I agree with the BF?
Anyway, I think that before anyone like Mr Bus Guy goes off threatening violence against others, he might want to take a look at cleaning up his own house first.
You sir, are a jerk!
I don’t say that lightly.
You are an insensitive idiot.
Jim
Mr. Bus Guy makes threats of violence, which may or may not be illegal, and are likely in violation of the spirit, if not the rules, of the SDMB.
But I’m the insensitive idiot. Yeah right.
I’ll go farther. You’re an asshole. (Not you** JR**, him…)
Lessee, 19 year old, at college, drinking…yeah that’s pretty unusual and certainly a sign of social collapse, and a clear call for a house in need of cleaning.
A lot, probably most people that drink have at some point, had too many and used that as a sign that they don’t want to do that again.
If there was a drinking problem, I’d know, and probably have mentioned it here, since I wasn’t too shy about airing some laundry here in the first place.
Example: yesterday, her 20th birthday. Out with her folks, and a friend, not driving anywhere. At a party where she could have had a drink without anyone batting an eyelid. She had a coke. When she got home, and was going to be home for the night. she opened up a Razzberrry Fizzie Cooler, or some such a thing. In the next 2 1/2 hours, she drank half of it, then had some hot tea.
My house is pretty clean, asswipe.
Nothing he posted violates any SDMB rules. How do you come up with that?
His Daughter, his child, gets assaulted by someone that should be treating her exceptionally well and you come into the thread an act like occasional underage drinking in college almost never happens and is the bigger crime.
I am happy you never had a drink until you were legal age. Many of us drank before we were legal age. It is not a big deal.
A man striking his girlfriend is truly low and would not be excused even if she were drinking at the moment.
Why don’t you try something novel like an apology? You might even like the way it feels. It is simple:
“I am sorry for making it sound like your daughter deserved to be hit”.
Give it a try. It will help you grow as a human.
Again Mr Bus Guy I am sorry for your family and on behalf of Father’s everywhere I am now also sorry for Updike’s posts.
Jim
Perhaps because that’s not what I said?
Updike
Yes, I’m sure you obeyed all the rules and regulations when you were young - just as I did.
[Eddie Haskell] And that’s a lovely dress Mrs Cleaver is wearing.[/Eddie Haskell]
The way that is worded, it sounds as if you think Mr Bus Guy is violent toward his own family? Just poor phrasing I guess. Never mind.
Anyway, I don’t know about you Updike, but if some guy did anything violent to my daughter I think my reaction would be something less than happy. :mad: :mad:
Think if that happened to any female member of your family. (or any family member for that matter).
I would like to think you’re kidding in this post, but you don’t seem to be. This is not something a decent human being would do.
Second, I think the whole email was a terrible idea. As the father of a twenty year old, your role is NOT to protect her any more, Mr. Bus Guy. Your role is to support her, guide her, and love her unconditionally as she learns how to protect herself. I am sorry, Mr. Bus Guy, but in my opinion, this just isn’t your fight.