Headlines you don't read every day

[jerseymule]

Fla. deputy removes Doritos bag from deer’s head

I guess the deputy took a photo first. The deer did not struggle while the bag was removed.

[TBG]

@picunurse

NO! NO! NO! I started the thread.
Before I could post this: Naked Woman Missing in the Forest The board went down. For the next few minutes all I got was that annoying little box saying there’s a problem with the server.
When, about 5 minutes later, I was able to get back on, the thread was up, but empty of my initial OP.
Then Simmerdown posted his, rightfully, confused response. Then I posted the missing link and quote.

Sigh.

Oh, okay.

[Kenm]

@Bumbershoot

Anyway, here’s my contribution:

Scotland’s Moonwalking Pony in ‘Paternity Battle’

I heard a CBC Radio As it Happens update June 19, with Socks’ owner being interviewed. DNA test results show Socks isn’t the sire.

[Mister_Rik]

“Man Runs Out of Gas on Interstate, Sets Up Drum Kit to Kill Time”

[Princhester]

Anyone else have a Pogues song in their head right now?

[Tapioca_Dextrin]

Woman dressed as vagina stops street fight between penis and man in Glastonbury

[Jackmannii]

@Lynn_Bodoni

Back when I took the Dallas Morning News every day in dead tree version, I’d frequently see a headline about a Dallas Cowboy being caught in another crime of some sort.

In a similar vein, “Bengals Player Arrested” is an endlessly recyclable headline.

[Tapioca_Dextrin]

Masturbating man caught molesting bicycle

[Count_Blucher]

@Kimballkid

At least, since you are a woman, you wouldn’t have to worry about the hillbillies from Deliverance.

…but if she’s found by Washington state hunters, Dear Og don’t let her say " I’m game… ". :eek:

[Kenm]

@Tapioca_Dextrin

Masturbating man caught molesting bicycle

Östersund police are investigating whether there is any connection between the recent spate of masturbation bike attacks with similar incidents from 2007.

A spate of them? And this is the second such spate? What the hell is in the water?

[Freddy_the_Pig]

@Kenm

A spate of them? And this is the second such spate? What the hell is in the water?

Apparently the man always slashes the tires when he bike-masturbates. It isn’t clear to me if or how this enhances the masturbatory experience.

[Morbo]

From a few weeks ago: Big rig carrying fruit crashes on 210 Freeway, creates jam

Well played, LA Times.

[Death_of_Rats]

@Kenm

A spate of them? And this is the second such spate? What the hell is in the water?

Spanish fly

[Ludovic]

@Freddy_the_Pig

Apparently the man always slashes the tires when he bike-masturbates. It isn’t clear to me if or how this enhances the masturbatory experience.

He’s into slash friction.