Please tell me she had a life insurance policy.
bump Any word about anything today? Is Aria’s family stepping up, are friends helping with the memorial/funeral plans? Thoughts and prayers sent to all her family and friends deailng with this. 
That was my first thought as well.
My heart goes out to her friends and her family. Very tragic.
Ok, updates –
At the moment, we’re getting our home tidied up for guests. Aria was very well-loved by a lot of people through her online community, so there’ll be a lot of people flying in from all over the country for her wake/funeral. So I’ll be doing a lot of running to and from the airport on Monday and Tuesday as we play temporary hotel for anyone who needs a place to stay.
As for life insurance, we believe that there actually may be a policy in place. We’re not looking to pry Ryan or his family for info on something like that right now, but I had forgotten – he did four years in the Marines, and other Marine friends have noted that because of this, there would almost certainly be a policy. I certainly hope that’s the case.
Other good news is that Ryan has made it know that the last thing he would do is move back in with his parents. He knows how Aria felt about his mother, and apparently doesn’t think too much better of her than Aria did.
Also, it would seem I was grossly misinformed about her parents – Aria had two younger siblings who still live at home, so obviously they do not live in a retirement community.
What the end result of all of this will be, I couldn’t say right now. There are memorial services Monday evening and Tuesday morning, with her funeral to follow on Tuesday. After that, things will probably become clearer.
Thanks again to everyone for their kind words and prayers. It truly means a great deal…thank you all. I’ll keep you posted.
Perhaps it will be possible for her parents to live nearby/next door to him? I hope it could turn out so ideal somehow. Thank you for the update Hal, take it easy all of you, ok?
Whew. As tragic as this whole thing is, it does not look completely hopeless.
Here’s hoping he’s got so many friends and family around the kids won’t have enough seats at graduation…
One thing that keeps running through my mind with all of this…how is Max ever supposed to have a happy birthday?
Many children have been born, and while in the process lost their mothers. Most of them, I’d wager end up having happy celebrations of their coming into the world. comfort Time will tell, I think he will know he’s loved, and valued, and it isn’t his fault. I think the adults around him will be wise enough to get this through to him as a concious realization somehow.
Time? Support?
I suggest serious counseling. Aria’s husband has a lot to deal with, and resentment over the loss of his wife under such circumstances is normal. As is guilt (he’s the one who got her pregnant) and anger at the entire situation.
If he hasn’t looked into therapy yet, he needs to.
As for the little one, that’s up to friends and family to help him through it. What a tragic burden to carry, and I think it’s going to take a lot of strong family support so he doesn’t let the burden drag him down.
Merde. What a shame.
I hope that the life insurance will be enough to allow Ryan to live, not well, but free of obligations to family he wanted to avoid.
As for the birthday question - kids can be terribly resilient and self-centered. If there isn’t an emphasis on when his mother died, I’m not sure that it will be something he’ll think about, as a young child, on his birthdays.
When he’s older, it’s going to depend, largely, on whether he’s made to think that his birth caused his mother’s death, or if it was simply that she died while he was born. A subtle difference in emphasis, but vital, I think.
Sending prayers and good thoughts to Ryan and his family. And for Aria.
About the birthday. Two days before my 4th birthday my sister was born. The day before my 4th birthday, she died. Kids may be resilient, but seeing your mum crying at your birthday party 3 years in a row leaves an impression.
It doesn’t mean I never had happy birthdays. My memories are of lovely cakes, happy parties and nice presents, just like everyone else, still, I knew my mum and dad were sad about my sister.
Now I light a candle for her birthday and visit her grave the next day and enjoy my own birthday the day after.
IMO his birthday should be about him, they can remember her on another day (like her birthday). Hard as that might be for Max’s dad, every kid needs a happy birthday.
Mr. Storm’s mother died in childbirth giving birth to his youngest sibling. That was twenty-something years ago. **Mr. Storm ** was some years older and more than old enough to clearly remember everything. But it was handled as well as it could be, and his brothers and sisters are well-adjusted and doing fine today. Mr. Storm and his youngest sibling are fine and hang out all the time as well as work together. The birthday in question does not seem to be an issue and that was chalked up to counseling during teenage years (told to me by the sibling himself).
Therapy first, absolutely, for your friend. As soon as possible. And when Max is old enough to start asking questions about his own mother and what happened to her, counseling for him and his sibling as well.
Birthdays will probably never be without a little tinge of “what-if” and “I wish Mom was here”, but they can be happy again. LOUNE makes a good point; time and support. Time and support will help them to heal from this terrible blow.
How fortunate that he’s got great friends like you and your family helping him out right now.
Hal, not to put too fine a point on it, but with the uncertainty over life insurance and such, I’m guessing a little extra going the way of Ryan’s family wouldn’t hurt right now? Any place you can steer us so anyone who wants to might send whatever they can their way?
So sorry about Aria.
I had gone back and forth on this one. My initial feeling was that this has nothing directly to do with anyone here, and perhaps any donations would better be saved for when a fellow Doper was in need. A large online community already opened up and helped out handsomely.
However, after internal debate, who the hell am I to stop someone from helping out if they choose to? All the relevant info can be found in her obit.
As a bonus, clicking there will show you why I loved making fun of how “with a name like that, you really should’ve been a cartoon character”. 
Thanks, Hal. Glad to see there is help coming from lots of different directions for them. IIRC you mentioned the wake/funeral is today - y’all take care.
Thanks…we actually just got home, which when you add together the wake, the service, the funeral, the post-funeral luncheon, the memorial by her web-based group and the final dinner gathering, made the whole shebang about 10 hours long.
Now, I’m pretty much emotially wiped. A sappy movie can make me cry every time, but it’s pretty rare that I shed a tear at funerals. Today was most definitely the exception. I knew Aria was well-loved, but I never had any idea of the scope of how many lives she touched. I tried estimating the number of people in the church, and gave up once I hit 1,000. Simply unreal.
So, now we start moving on…I figure Ryan will have all the help he can stand and more for the next month or two, so we’ll probably contact him sometime in September to remind him to please, please, please let us know if there is anything we can do to help.
<sigh>…Shorty, we’re gonna miss you.
I’m so sorry. Your guidance and friendship are going to mean a lot to him, and to the kids. When the time is right ( and, only a professional grief counsellor would know when the time might be right ), try helping him into counselling. As mentioned, ditto for the kids.
I simply do not know how people endure this kind of loss. My next door neighbor from growing up was recently divorced in a very ugly battle. The two younger kids were with their mom, the older teenage daughter was with him.
There was a fire. The ex-wife and both kids who were with her are dead. I cannot even imagine how he gets up every day. Well, I can- his daughter. Still…
My condolences to you for your grief.
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