I was talking with a friend on Microsoft’s Instant Messager yesterday, and we both came to the conclusion that my greetings when I start talking with her are rather dull…they are usually “Hello” or "Good Day…something like that…boring as hell, I admit it. So I would like to call upon the Teeming Millions to help me come up with some exciting ways to start a conversation…
Keith
“So… the doctor told me today that I’m no longer infected…”
:: Ducks for cover ::
¡Hola! ¿Cómo está usted y guano?
Odieman
Hi, nice to read you…
So what’s wrong with the good old boring
Hi, Hiya, Good (Day part) How are you doing?
I mean how many times does
“Are you done masturbating so we can chat?” work as a greeting?
The desire for something different and exciting is what causes things like
“Whazzzaaaappppp???”
which i think we’ve all learned to detest, whether from the first time we heard/read it or just through sheer repitition.
Be boring, boring is good 
-Doug
Hmm. “Whaaaaa-zzzzup?” is horribly annoying.
“What the #! do you want?” is out of character for you.
I’m partial to “Hail and well-met!” but YMMV.
Hey baby… whatcha wearin’?
Well as a mate you can use “g’day”
or always go for the stylish “How YOU doin’?”
I’ve always been partial to George Carlin’s “How’s your hammer hangin’?”
I prefer something “hip” and “with it” like
Hey, babe, what’s the haps??
uh, it’s a feeble attempt at humor - I don’t greet people like this either in chat or IRL… really… I don’t…
I have one friend who often starts IM conversations by sending a link to some random site he found funny or informative or just plain odd. It’s sort of my own private “Weird Earl’s,” but you’d have to do some research if you did it often. The same person will also start with a funny quote or surrealistic statement. I love having one friend who does that, but I wouldn’t want more.
Another friend just leaps right into an IM with a long sentence about whatever he wants to discuss. That’s a bit jarring, since I’m often not quite ready to turn my full attention to a new IM. I’d rather have him just say hello in order to get my attention first.
If someone’s actually complaining about how you start an IM, you could start sending weird links or cheesy greetings to her, just to make her quit whining.
“Salutations.”
'Twas good enough for Charlotte…
Hi Odie-dodie
I think your greetings are just fine, but if you want to try something fun, I say go for a nickname made up on the spot. Maybe something like ‘Hey Picklepuss’ or ‘Howya doin, Monkeypants’.
My favorite greeting is ‘Hello pretty lady’, but that depends on who you’re talking to. 
You have permission to try any of the above on me, I’ll let you know how I like 'em.
Rose
“Greetings and Salutations, Fair Maiden!”
Or look up the English spellings of the word HELLO in different languages, or at least the pronunciations.
Nee How(?) - Chinese
Hola - Spanish
Bonjour - French
Ciao - Italian
Das Vedanya (?) - Russian
Or go the the Doper World Map and ask folks you see in different countries. Keep the list handy so you can cut and paste.
I’ve always been partial to one of Bruce Willis’ lines from Moonlighting:
“Hola, gringos and gringettes.”
It might lose a little impact adressing only one person, but see what you can do with it.
How about “yo dudette”
If you are really looking for some odd look try “hey kids whatcha doin” to adults.
Or try the “here boy/girl, sit, stay”. Use the tone of voice for a canine. Especially effective for children when parents are over-reacting to the child’s behavior.
Speaking as one of the people who gets PMs from you, I actually like the “hellos” and “hi’s”. Getting cute at the start of a conversation sounds, well, cute, and it’s hard to stay creative.
Just my opinion.
Robin
“What are yooooou doing?”
::A shot rings out. Tygr pitches forward into the orchestra pit.::
or - Auf Deutsch: Wie geeeeeeehts?
I’ve gotta agree with Robyn. I’d much rather “hear” a “Hey, how are you today?” that I know is genuine than some kind of stooooooopid schmooz.
I actually prefer “hi” or “hello” or the like…provided they have something to say afterwards.
I prefer just about anything to j0 (of course, that has more to do with the fact that the person who uses it wants me to entertain them…but that’s beside the point).
I hate to chime in with what amounts to a “me too” post, however,
I have no problem with “Hi” or “Hello” by way of greeting. I don’t think it’s boring at all. Of course if it’s a particular person, I don’t mind getting greeted with “Hi, Sexy”. 