Help! Any Doper Parents out there with Delayed Talkers?

In My Humble Opinion
1

My son is eighteen months old and more perfect than I could have ever hoped for. However, he doesn’t talk. At all. His entire vocabulary consists of “Ball”, which he applies to pretty much any spherical object he can hurl across the room. No “mama”, no “cookie”, not even “NO!”–which I’ve always found to be a perennial favorite among the toddler set.
He’s an only child (or will be until June anyway) so it’s not a matter of siblings doing his talking for him. I speak to him constantly, no baby talk, and read to him whenever he’ll sit still for longer than a minute or two. He doesn’t have any hearing problems as far as I can tell, and he’ll follow verbal directions pretty well (e.g.: “Go get your cup.” “Pet the doggie softly”) so I’m confident that he understands.

Now, normally this wouldn’t stress me too much, but he went in for his check-up today and his doctor seemed fairly concerned. She said that by now he should have a vocabulary of at least 6-10 words and be beginning to string them together. She also said that if he wasn’t speaking by his two year check-up she would strongly recommend seeing a specialist about it. Am I a bad parent for feeling that this isn’t that huge of a deal? Other than eagerly anticipating the first “Mama”, I’ve always just assumed that he’d start talking when he darn well pleased.

Also, the daycare he attends uses very basic sign language with the infants so he can, and does, say “Please” “More” and “Thank You” with signs. Could this be hindering his incentive to start talking? Did anyone else have a late talker, and were there any techniques that you found to help encourage your child’s verbal skills? Mostly I’m just looking for reassurance that this doesn’t mean he’s somehow defective, and maybe some tips on how to build his vocabulary. Help! Any feedback would be much appreciated.

bella

2

My youngest niece was a late talker. She just didn’t have much to say. I remember one day When she was about 20 months I asked her when she was going to talk to me. She looked at me and told me “When I want to” Nuff said
Now she is 7 years old and I wish she would shut up :smiley:

3

How good are you at figuring out what he wants without his using words? We had much the same problem with our son, due to the fact that we responded to him even though he wasn’t using words. If he’s responding to verbal instructions, start instructing him to talk and use words. Keep talking to him, but try to wean him from being able to get his message across just by pointing.

4

If it’s any help, my brother was like that as well. Mom was quite worried about it, but then she caught him.

My brother could talk, he just wouldn’t do it where he thought anybody could hear him. He wanted to practice his new words/phrases until they were just right, and he could trot them out appropriately. He did NOT want to be embarrassed by using language incorrectly.

She never pressured him, and didn’t laugh at him EVER when he was speaking. Not even an “Aaaaaaaw, how cute”, and she says that was pretty hard sometimes. :slight_smile: He was speaking in grammatically correct paragraphs before the year was out.

AFAIK, no baby talk and lots of reading will do nicely. Try a little motherly spying and see if maybe he’s doing the same thing my brother did.

5

As I understand it, sign language tends to enhance language, not hinder it. It’s a good sign that he uses signs–he understands communication.

I think it is too early to worry–and your attitude is a good one You’re not a lax parent. Better that you be someone who can accept your son’s own pace and patterns of development than be someone who pushes or transfers your worry onto him.

It is good that your doctor wants to keep an eye on it, as a true speech or language acquisition problem needs to be addressed early. But she might have registered too much concern. My guess is, if you’d visited ten doctors, you would have gotten ten different reactions to his present speech development–your doctor just was at the alarmist end of the spectrum.

I also think many babies and toddlers work on one thing at a time. Your son may be focusing on other kinds of development. Speech will catch up later.

My son wasn’t a late talker but he was a very late walker, so I understand how it feels to wonder a bit. I was terribly grateful to have a doctor who didn’t care that it took Cranky Jr 18 months to get off his ass. On the other hand, my doctor was all over me about his low weight–whereas one of my friends from birth class who had a little boy the same age and size and height never heard one word of concern from her doctor. I guess opinions just vary.

6

Signing can hinder verbal expression slightly, just as any multilingual process can delay the initial use of verbal language. Effective commuication is what drives them, and if it is effective, why do the hard stuff (like pronouncing things)? But only slightly, not usually significantly, and usually more seen with truly multilingual households (not just a few signs).

Still, I wouldn’t worry, but I would also go ahead and see the specialist if/when it is deemed time to do so (6 months from now). A specialist will be able to tell you for certain if there is a problem, and what to do about it. IME, there isn’t much of a problem at all, for most kids who are ‘delayed’ talkers. But it is worth checking out, because if there is any issue, it can be more easily addressed before habits form. (Such as one nephew whose tongue was just a bit too big for his mouth, and has had to really work to learn not to slur because his mom didn’t start him on the therapy in time.)

My big sister did not use words at all until she was 3, that anyone knows (she may have practiced in secret - no baby monitors in those days). My mom didn’t worry about it, because she didn’t know better than to trust her instincts (her oldest son had hydrocephaly, so there was no precedent for talking or not). Anyway, big sis’s first ‘word’ was ‘Mommy, come quick, there’s a caterpillar crawling across the steps!’ - she just hadn’t had any reason to say anything before that, as she could meet her needs with gestures and grunts. But when the caterpillar looked like it might get away before mom understood what was being said, the words came right out. She’s also freaking brilliant, BTW.

Another kid I know with the same language development had 6 words, all indistinct, at age 2, no combined word pairs or phrases. Language specialist determined (by listening to how she pronounced sounds, etc.) that she didn’t have a neurological problem, but probably just didn’t practice much, as her communication needs were being met by her very expressive range of other sounds. Definitely ‘delayed’ but not ‘damaged’ processes, so to speak. She was very good with inflection by the time she started really talking, and has retained that capacity to cut people to the quick or imply secondary meanings by tone of voice. She’s now a fine talker. Actually, a rather devastating talker. :eek:

As for what to do to encourage words? Not sure. I tend to encourage comprehension over use, though I certainly give good feedback when use occurs. And there’s the older-child trick of ‘failing to understand’ unless the proper language process is used (such as ‘gosh, I don’t understand you when you whine, what did you say?’ - applied at this age instead of later…) But who knows if that is the best path - what other processes are not being learned if you force the issue? (like the whole inflection thing with the girl mentioned above) A specialist might be best suited to answering that. You can always contact a speech pathologist for an initial consult, and see what they think you should do. Speech pathologists are nice people, not scary, IME. Okay, my BIL is one, so I’m biased, but they appear to be very helpful sorts.

(BTW, we were wondering about my younger son, but at a year, he had a name/sound/gesture for mom, dad, sibling, pet, and only was missing ‘favorite toy’, and that’s all BIL said he needed at that age. He’s not 18 months yet, though, only 13.)

7

A friend of mine (also an only child), was a late talker. Like Deadly Nighlight’s niece, she didn’t start talking until she was confident that she could form complete sentences.

I don’t think the basic sign language he’s seeing at school would hinder his speech (but that’s just IMO), because if it’s used as a supplement to verbal language (and most teachers speak what they sign), it’s not really that different than using gestures in songs like “Itsy-Bitsy Spider.”

I agree with his doctor though, if he’s still not experimenting with a basic vocabulary by age two, a specialist would be able to rule out anything “wrong” (like maybe he isn’t hearing a full frequency range and misses stuff.)

To encourage him to use words, I’d try to get him to sing. Or give him sock puppets to encourage him to immitate dialogue (my parents couldn’t get me to shut up when I had puppets!)

It might be as simple as having nothing significant to say (“ball” being the exception because it’s so darned exciting!)

8

One of my girlfriends had a late talker. Call your school district and ask about early intervention. They may want to wait to evaluate until your son turns two, but they may want to evaluate now. Many states do free therapy through the schools. My girlfriend did this and her son qualified for therapy, and his speech has improved by leaps and bounds
We had my son evaluated, he wasn’t a big talker and he was difficult to understand. He didn’t top out the talking charts, but we were assured he was “within the range of normal” I probably had this done around 2 1/2. Its worth the phone call for peace of mind.

9

I’m not a parent, but I’ve heard LOTS of anecdotal stories about late talkers-- much later than 18 mos. before they were verbal, in most cases. And, like most of the stories above, the children had waited until they could speak in complete sentences before they tried it. The one I remember most clearly is one Mom tells about a friend of hers. The friend’s son was close to three years old, and still hadn’t spoken a word. He was sitting in his high chair with a bowl of dry Cheerios. He was fussing about something, and his mom just could not figure out what he wanted. Finally, out of sheer frustration and the escalating tears and gestures, she yelled, “I don’t know what you want!”

To which her son replied, “I wanted some milk for my Cheerios!”

And he’s been talking, in complete sentences, ever since.

I think you’re doing fine, and so is your kid. We all learn in different ways and at different paces.

10

I read somewhere that the tasks of both walking and talking are very daunting to kids, and they’ll usually do one early and one later. My son was a late talker. But he walked at 7 1/2 months!

I wouldn’t worry about it. A lot can happen in the next couple months.

This reminds me of a Gabe Kaplan routine where little Ralphie goes through his first four years and never speaks a word. Then suddenly, he says, “Cereal’s cold.” His mother and father ask, "Ralphie, why after all this time of no talking you finally decide to say, “Cereal’s cold”?

Ralphie says, “Up until now, everything was OK!”

11

I was a late talker. Mom says that when I did get around to talking, I started with sentences. Guess I kept to myself until I felt like I was good at it.

12

According to my parents, I didn’t start talking until I was 2 and a half years old. Once I did start talking, I had a slight speech impediment where I would pronounce all my "L"s as "W"s. I remember going to a speech therapist and I finally stopped mispronouncing letters when I was 4 or 5.

After that I’ve been fine. More than fine. Most of the time people wonder why I don’t shut the hell up.

13

My very best friend did not speak a word until he was 4. He then started speaking in complete sentences and the next year succesfully petioned his mom to legally change his name from Junius to Jay.

14

Yeah, I wouldn’t worry too much. Since he apparently understands you when you speak, he’s probably OK. I’m not ruling out a speech impediment, but there’s no real indication of one.

15

I was a delayed talker (is that an Official Medical Term ™). I had a vocab of maybe 4 words. My parents were seriously concerned that I was um… developmentally delayed?

I never attempted to string worsd together in mini-sentences the way kids are “supposed to” – you know “kitty go” “want cookie” etc.

As the story goes, my father went out of town for a conference. A few days later, he arrived back at home. I was having breakfast with my mom. he walked in, I looked up and said:

“Hi, daddy, did you have a nice trip?”

He was… somewhat surprised to say the least. I certainly don’t remember that period of my life but it does fit my personality that I was waiting to “get it right.” Although I wasn’t verbally practicing, I was apparently listening very closely. I basically went from a 4-5 word vocab to grammatically correct sentences without the inbetween steps. kinda like snoooopy

Go fig.

16

Whew! This is making me feel better. Like I said, it hadn’t seemed that big of a deal to me so the doc’s reaction caught me a bit off guard and got me nervous. Probably a lot of that comes from the fact that I myself spent over five years in speech therapy as a kid because I sounded like I was straight out of the Bronx even though I grew up in Ohio. (“Let’s go to the fah (fair) in the caw (car).” ) I’d just as soon not have Phil have to go through all that if early intervention would make a difference.

I love the “first sentence” stories–I keep picturing Lil’ Guy just up and spouting off about something that excites him out of the blue and it makes me smile just to think about it. Like Deadly Nightlight said–four or five years from now I’ll probably just be wishing he’d shut up for two minutes!
I also really like the sock puppet idea, because it seems like a nice, playful, non-stressful way to encourage him. (And god knows I’ve got thousands of unmatched socks lying around :))
Thanks to all!

bella

17

Gaffer Jr. #2 will be 18 months on Friday. His entire (spoken) vocabulary consists of the words “this” and “mama.” He shakes his head for no and has a kind of grunt for yes. He also uses the ASL signs for “please, more and thank-you.” I never thought that his speech was particularly delayed, rather that he seems to get along quite well by pointing, shaking, grunting, signing and using his two words. I suppose I could point out to him that he could really streamline the whole process if he just spoke but I think that it is kind of cute to see him make the sign for please, point at the cookie jar and say “this” (repeated as necessary).

I have heard him say a few other words to himself (grandma, grandpa, kitty, etc) but he absolutely refuses when you ask him to. No one has ever expressed concern about it, but then he hasn’t been in for a check-up lately.

Gaffer Jr. #1 is very verbal (he turned 3 in August) and he was kind of a late talker as well. We didn’t do anything other than what you are already doing with yours. As long as he understands what you are saying, I wouldn’t be too concerned.

Good luck and let me know how things are going with yours. Maybe we could have a contest to see who posts the first “My kid won’t shut-up” thread!

18

Not a parent, but according to them, my sister didn’t talk until she was two. She quacked from time to time, but no words or even baby talk.
When she did start talking, it was in complete sentences.

19

Leif is two years and 2 months and is just now starting to make understandable words. At 18 months he had 4. What he has is nonsense words that, if you catch on, mean specific things. Like his word for “food/hungry/hey lady feed me before I starve to death” was “nay-nay.” I just the other day discovered that the word he is using for “fish” is “Dorothy” a la Elmo. I though that he was saying “doggy” and was starting to worry as he knows what a doggy is. With that said, I have to agree with everything that Cranky said.

20

My SIL has two kids that had a language that bordered on a C3PO/R2D2 relationship. Once the younger one (about 4yo)realised that to get what she wanted involved more than just pointing or mumbling to her brother, the situation resolved fairly quickly.

Reminds me of a old joke of a boy that hasn’t spoken a word until he was 5. Concerned for what otherwise seems to a perfectly normally developing child, his parents dote on him. Then one day at breakfast he says clearly and loudly “Mum, this bloody toast’s burnt”. His Mother is delighted at the development and asks the obvious question “But why haven’t you spoken before?” The answer: “Everything was OK up until now.”