I know a person - and I’m not admitting it’s me, or anyone close to me - whose life has been affected by regularly misplacing things. For example, they have lost job opportunities because of losing car keys on the day of the interview. These occurrences are also expensive: losing your phone, of course, means you have to buy a new phone. Losing your new meds means you have to pay several times the usual rate to refill your prescription only one day later. Clearly, it is a serious, chronic problem that affects one’s quality of life. My question is, what if any professional help can this person get? Is this an issue that therapists would touch?
This is absolutely something that therapy might be able to help with, even if not directly. Misplacing things can be a result of inability to concentrate, or concentrating too intensely, or not being present in the moment. All of these things can be addressed by therapy. One of the earliest successes I ever had in therapy was finding a lost object, because I was able to still my mind enough to remember where it was.
On a more practical level, setting up routines, and living by the mantra “a place for everything, and everything in its place,” can be a big help. I used to forget to wear a watch at least twice a month. Now the act of locking my door when I leave in the morning triggers an automatic check of my wrist, providing an opportunity to quickly grab a watch if I’ve forgotten. I also have little mental checklists for when I get up in the morning and when I go to bed at night that have made a real difference.
Now I have to go and get the laundry I was supposed to pick up an hour ago, because I was too lazy to go into the other room to set the alarm I was supposed to set to remind me.
Since the OP is asking for medical advice, let’s move this to IMHO.
Colibri
General Questions Moderator
This! It’s a kind of self-hypnosis, where you force yourself to become hyper-conscious of things you really need to keep track of.
I used to grab my chattels and go out the door…until the day I left my keys behind. Now, I consciously observe myself putting my keys in my pocket. It’s become a kind of mental ritual. I must clearly visualize the action before I allow myself to be satisfied and head out the door.
It can get a little wearying…but $150 for a locksmith was a nasty awakening.
That’s kinda ironic.
I lose things for two related reasons:
- Not being organized and having a routine, and
- Being cluttery
If you’re prone to both, which I am, it’s problematic. Because then when you put down the keys, they can get lost in the clutter.
So, I figured out a place for things. I declared those places the official places for those things. And I put those things in those places. If I find them outside of those places, I return them to those places.
For example, my purse has a center pocket. My metro card lives in that center pocket. Every weekday, before I leave home, I require myself to locate the card. After a trip on the metro, I require myself to return the card to that pocket. If I ever find the card elsewhere, I put it where it belongs and reiterate to myself that it belongs in the center pocket.
My keys kept slipping to the bottom of my purse, causing a scramble to find them when needed. For the moment, they are also going into that center pocket, but I don’t like that solution and am working on a new one.
My purse goes on a particular counter, as does my backpack.
My computer cords go into particular backpack pockets, as does my Kindle. Etc.
The hardest part is finding the place, the one place, that makes sense. Sticking with it (for me at least) isn’t that hard so long as the place makes sense. Which means that it has to be easy to put the thing there, it has to be secure there, and it has to not be in the way there.
My sister had problems like that, and crafted her own purse, out of heavy canvas, with all of the pockets designed exactly for her purposes. Like your center pocket, but lots of them, arranged her way.
A slightly lesser idea is a “key fastener” at some specific point in the purse, like a loop-and-snap, or a carabiner-loop, or something, so the keys ride above the level of ambient clutter.
(I’m a guy, and purses are discouraged, which is a shame, as I’d probably benefit from one. But I do wear BDU trousers with cargo pockets, and that’s almost as good.)
Yeah, I used to have a little duck on the keyring that would always float to the top, like a duck!
I find it helps to verbalize what I’m doing (at least with an internal voice). “Now I am putting my keys down on the end table. Now I am taking off my jacket.” There are plenty of problems with losing things that this won’t fix, but it will at least take care of the things you lose because you’re setting them down at a time when your mind is focused on other tasks.
Another recommendation is to keep a good calendar or to-do list and give yourself plenty of time for delays - just general good time management. Nothing makes you distracted like running late so that can help prevent losing or forgetting something to begin with. On the other end of things, if you gave yourself an extra fifteen minutes to get somewhere, that might just be enough time to find the missing item before there are negative consequences.
The OP has not re-posted in this thread. I imagine him searching all over hell and high water for it.
mmm
What’s really scary is how much actual sense that makes!
During times of higher stress I notice I do this more.
I ended up buying a tote that I put on the coffee table near the door. I put my car keys, wallet and phone in there when I get home so I know where they are.
If this helps, I have a particular purse style I use. My latest purchases were these two I found from Amazon. They may be bigger than what you’re used to carrying, but there are smaller models available. Just showing you what works for me - at least four outside pockets among the front/back and sides. The Baggalini has 6.
An obvious partial solution to this is duplicates. Keys are the most common thing I lose; thus I have 3 sets.
Has the person in question had a medical check-up? chronically misplacing things can be an early sign of dementia.
I don’t lose things because they only go in certain places. Keys are either in the ignition, in the pocket, or on the special shelf. They don’t ever go anywhere else. That applies to well, pretty much everything.
Technology can help you: https://www.thetileapp.com/
Something like a Scott-E-Vest might do for you instead - perhaps not during warmer months, but the rest of the year. I do actually pity guys for not being “able” to carry a purse - it’s just so darned CONVENIENT having all the critical stuff in one bag that you can grab and go with every day versus having to unload / reload your pockets every day.
For general misplacing critical things, there are also devices that can help. Moon Unit (my 19 year old) was forever misplacing her purse of all things (she carries a small one) and we got her a Pebblebee Honey to attach to it. Of course those are a bit error-prone: hers died within weeks. And you have to be able to find your phone (fortunately, you can do that by calling from the landline in the house, if you have one).
I get by with keys by having a hook for keys just inside the entrance from the garage. The rest of my stuff, I usually have in my purse - which goes around the house with me. It’s got lots of zippered compartments - like the custom bag mentioned above. It does have an attached key hook inside - not at the top, but I can fish it out easily enough.
I have places for my things. I used to lose important things all the time until I started doing this.
If my keys aren’t clipped to a belt loop, they are in the ignition, in my hand or in the basket by the door. If my lip balm isn’t in my pocket, its in my hand or in the basket by the door. If my phone isn’t in my pocket, its in my hand or in the basket by the door, charger attached. If my glasses aren’t on my face, they are in my hands being cleaned or in a case by the bed. I could go on and on, but you get my drift.
When my mother started having this problem in her 80’s, I bought her a little box with a 2-foot retracting cord on it; fixed that inside her purse & attached the keys to it.
That worked until Sunday, when she used a different purse to go to church. (PastTense’s suggestion of duplicate keys solved that.)
The same device worked to attach her TV remote control to her electric recliner.
When I have trouble finding something, once I finally find it and am done using it I put it in the first place I looked for it. Whether it “makes sense” or not. The next time I need it, I find it much faster.
Doesn’t help for things that truly get lost, but it helps with the “where the hell did I put the X…?” moments.