Help Me! (And Don't Tell Shodan)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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This is Shodan’s grand dog. He doesn’t know it, but he wandered off and left his account logged in, and he doesn’t know I figured out how to type from watching him. Please excuse any typos, I am using my big adorable paws to type this.

So far, things have been going relatively well. I have Shodan almost completely trained - all I have to do is look adorable in return for three square meals a day and many treats, and some good solid playtime. He does the cutest trick - I hand him a baseball, and he tries to throw it away like he doesn’t want to play. I know he does, so I bring it back to him. Then he tries to throw it away again, so I have to be kind but persistent and bring it back to him so he doesn’t lose it. He can keep this up for half an hour sometimes.

And all I have to do is put my cold, wet nose on his leg, and no matter the time of the morning, he will get up and let me out in the backyard, and then make my breakfast. Saturdays, holidays - doesn’t matter, he is very good about feeding me. Sometimes I have to crouch on top of him and stare at him for a while and poke him with my paw, but eventually he will get up and feed me.

He has some eccentricities - he seems obsessed with my poops. Whenever I drop a load in the backyard, he collects it and puts it in a bag. And even when we go out walking (which I have trained him to do every evening for an hour or so), and I hear the Call of Nature, he will put it in a plastic bag and carry it with us for the rest of the walk. It’s a little odd, but I humor him.

But there is a flaw in his training, and I don’t know what to do about it.

For Christmas, he bought me a present. I like presents, but not this one. I was hoping for a nice new squeaky toy to replace the two I have disemboweled, or some dog treats. But no - I got what he calls a Gentle Leader head collar, and he insists on putting it on me before our walks.

I hate the Gentle Leader head collar. It doesn’t let me do fun things like pull on the leash and drag Grampa along like a hooked marlin, or suddenly take off to go barking at the other dogs in the neighborhood. Whenever I try to do those fun things, my head gets pulled to the side and I can’t get going.

I’ve tried everything to break him of this bad habit - rubbing my face in the snow, racing in circles around Grampa so he is all roped up like a heifer at the rodeo, grabbing it in my teeth and playing tug-of-war - but nothing helps. I even tried hiding behind the curtains when he gets it out, but he uses treachery to foil my plans. He holds a dog treat in the loop, so that when I go to get the nice treat my muzzle is inside the loop and I find myself in the same predicament as always. He snaps the Gentle Leader behind my head, and I have to Heel consistently instead of wandering all over creation. I mean, sure, he takes me to the nature trail where I can run around and chase mice and rabbits and squirrels and figments of my heated imagination, but still I have to Heel all the way there and all the way back.

So I appeal to the Dope - what I can do to break my Grampa of this nasty habit? Any suggestions welcome.

Oops, gotta go - I think I hear Grampa coming.

Regards,
Leet

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Athena’s pugs here. We recommend:

  1. going with the no-nose look. It’s worked well for us in regards to Gentle Leaders.
  2. if #1 doesn’t work for you, we say poop in his shoes. That’ll teach him to buy stupid things like Gentle Leaders instead of more squeaky toys.
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Dear Leet,
I know communication is limited, but perhaps you can find a way for grandpa to notice that other trained dogs don’t even need a leash, probably because they used books and equipment that were not designed in Germany in 1938, but in Germany since the 1950’s. Germans are quite good at training dogs to go everywhere without a leash, and it is legal to bring dogs into restaurants and bars and pretty much any sidewalk and park. Most Americans who visit Germany are amazed to see dogs off leashes, but rarely a bark or growl as they wander with their owners through highly populated urban areas.

Good training means getting a good trainer or at least do a little research on training. I fully understand your distaste for this muzzle/training bra and you probably feel like the kid who had to wear a tie and a suit to grandma’s house on Sundays.

Let him know you are not too old to learn new tricks, and with a few gentle rewards and some consistent reminders, you will be a good boy and not do anything stupid. Remind grandpa he too was once a pain in the ass with his grandpa, but eventually learned how to play nice in public.

DMark

P.S. When he is sleeping, take that medieval leash of torture and throw it over the fence to the neighbors who own that really fat cat that annoys everybody.

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Dear Leet,

I hated my Gentle Leader too. I even figured out how to get it off mid-walk and then have Dangerosa chase me and try to get the thing back on - almost impossible in the park! That made her give up.

Because I’m 60 pounds and still like to pull on the ice - going to the park is just SO exciting that I can’t stop myself - although I do heel nicely on the way back - and because Dangerosa has gotten to be “that age where breaking a hip isn’t necessarily something a girl bounces back from” she replaced my gentle leader with a spikey choke collar. It isn’t fun to put on or take off - but it reminds me to not pull and isn’t bad once its on - as long as I don’t pull.

Murphy

P.S. I know you are in the Twin Cites - the Battle Creek off leash dog park is a TON of fun…I have to wear my darn spikey collar going in because I get so excited I have a hard time not wetting myself - its a dog thing - but once you are there - no leash at all!

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Leet,

You may not want to hear this but Sandra got me a backpack. As soon as I put it on, I decided that wearing it was my job and I haven’t given her too much trouble since. No choke chains, pinch collars or gentle leaders are needed. Since I’m 65 lbs., I can easily carry a water bottle on one side and some treats and my poop bags in the other. And I’ll carry other stuff on occasion- - like an umbrella or a small package. And as soon as we get to a place where I can be off-leash, the backpack coming off is my signal to go play.

Tracy

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A quick post while Grampa and Gramma are upstairs drinking champagne.

I make Grampa take me to the Battle Creek dog park a lot - it’s fun! And he does take the evil Gentle Leader off me when we go there.

Hope to sniff your butt at the park sometime.

Regards,
Leet

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Dear Leet:

FloatyGimpy’s flock of budgies here. Just do what we do when she tries to get us to do stuff we don’t want to do, like make us go back in the prison cell, just bite him! Works like a charm for us.

Good luck,

Budgie, Chirpy, Tweety and Birdy.

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Leet,

Whatever. You’re a dog.

The Cats Who Rule the Phall Household: Sam, Jack and Maya

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Dear Leet,

My mom and dad bought me one of those, too. It was awful! My mom hated it because people asked if I was wearing a muzzle and would I bite. They ask this because of my breed. My dad got me one of those spikey pinch collar things and he used it with me at obedience school and we got really good at walking nicely on the leash. My mom hates that one, too, so she just uses an old fashioned slip collar. I like that one the best and walk ever so nicely for her on it. I don’t like to pull any more because whenever I pull, my mom starts walking in the other direction and we never get anywhere. We just walk back and forth until I’m good. So now I’m very good.

Good luck,

Georgie

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Dear Leet,

I’m a cat, but I like going for walks in the back yard with Spoons. Actually, I walk him–I take him to the tree where I scratch my claws, and I stop to sniff at all the grass everywhere. We have fun. Well, I do.

Anyway, he puts a harness on me. It goes around my neck, and another loop goes just behind my front legs. The leash attaches on my back. It’s not the greatest, but at least I don’t have anything around my face.

Would this be an idea for you?

Fiona

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Dear Leet -

Eat the Gentle Leader and while you’re at it, you might want to leave a sign on the corner of the couch, so Grampa knows who it belongs to (you). After all, he hasn’t bothered to lift his leg on it, has he?

Andy, Jake, Wylie and Pat

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Dear Leet,

Would you like to come live with me? We have no collars at all here, unless you insist on going to town. You’ll have 20 acres to roam, plus a whole national forest full of all kinds of Real Squeaky Toys TM (generically known as real small animals).
My dogs got a package of wienies for Christmas, you could share in the wealth.
Of course, you should be aware that there are also dangers. Bears, cougars, wolves, coyotes, lynx (one of my dogs got a really cool fringed ear modification from one of those), and a whole lot of bees in summer.
PM me while Grandpa is away and I send a crate for you. :smiley:
Looking forward to having you,
loshan

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Gentle Leader makes a body harness which redirects the pulling.
Works almost as well as the face version, but the connection ring is low enough down in front that the leash gets caught between the legs too easily.

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Dear Leet,

This is Lucy, the smart cat in Missy’s household. Missy also harnesses the twits and I to go outside, which is an affront to my feline sensibilities. So what if I tried to run away on Halloween? She deserved it, bringing those damn upstarts into my home, forcing me to share Missy’s bed, her bathroom time, her couch time… but I digress.

I’ve learned to deal with it, as should you. It’s been made clear to me that No Lead = No Outside. I do make it clear that I dislike that rule by making it impossible for Missy to remove the harness (Stop, Drop and Roll also works for animals, you know) and I have been known to “accidently” carry the leash down to my restroom and leave it there. In a box. She really hates when I do that.

Good Luck,
Lucy

Hey Dog!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sucks to be you!
From:
Dot and Mayme

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Leet,

I may be a cat (and I get scared whenever I go outside because whenever I do some humans that LOOK like my humans but are actually impostors try to chase me for some reason), but just do what I do and pee on their nicest rug. That’ll learn 'em!

Beetle

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Dear Leet,

Why do you sniff other dog’s butts?

Signed,

UFC is Sux’ Tapeworm

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Dear leet,

I am a human like your grandpa, but I would just like to say that I very much enjoyed your letter and the subsequent pieces of advice from the other animals in this thread. I would advise sticking your cold wet nose on grandpa’s feet in bed, he would like that very much.

And to all canine-kind, I apologize for using one of your own as a pony when I was very, very little.

Love,
kushiel

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Leet -

Mommy got me a Halti hat and I did not like it one bit. My friend and teacher Peggy put it on me and tried to walk me around the room but I put my nose on the ground instead. But Peggy kept going and I thought that maybe walking was more fun than dragging my face on the ground so I just walked like normal and it turned out to be ok.

My advice to you is to man up and wear the hat because wearing the hat and walking is much more fun than staying at home. I’m the world’s prettiest girly dog and I still had to wear my special hat. I OWNED it!

Own your hat, boy!

  • Dolly B.
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To all the dogs who have been kind enough to respond to Leet -

Thank you for your thoughts. Unfortunately, none of them are working. Gramma took me for a looooong walk today in the new snow. Fun! But I still had to wear my naughty Gentle Leader. :frowning:

But the advice to piddle in the house - on anything - is just not going to happen, Because I am a Good Boy. I go potty outside, like a Good Boy should. Because Good Boys get treats. We like treats!

To all the cats who have posted in my thread -

WOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOF!!!

Regards,
Leet

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…post reported for the use of barkful language and insults…