Help me buy Christmas presents for my (strange) family.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I normally don’t ask for advice here but I am absolutely out of options.
I have 5 people left in my family to buy presents for. I was thinking about taking them all out to dinner, but my father thinks Sizzlers is “living it up” and I can’t even imagine his reaction to anything more pricy. When I speak about my family, I do so in a lightly tongue-in-cheek way. I do find them amusing, hell, my mum just answered the phone with, “who is this? Bitch?”. “Bitch” is apparently my eldest sister.

So a brief synopsis of my family:
The Mother: An overweight aged woman whose feels that she can cover anything up with make-up. She cannot, and every year I refuse to buy her the latest $50 lipliner/eyeliner/whatever. She is also mentally ill, due to this, she has no hobbies whatsoever other than watching The Bold and the Beautiful, smoking and drinking. My mother says a haircut, she hasn’t had one since I bought one for her birthday. That was February. Age: 47.

The Father: A (very) conservative man, and a scrooge. Every Christmas he gives the gifts we give him to other people in the family saying he doesn’t like/has no use for them. He never tells us what he actually wants. My mother recommends hankies. She bought him stands to sit a car on after you’ve jacked it up. :confused: Age: 50.

The eldest sister: A university drop-out with Hepatits C into drugs. Normally we exchange bathroom packs. This year I am looking for something more, something useful*. Homewares may not be appropriate as she is getting kicked out again. Age: 23.

The 2nd ldest sister:A high-school drop-out pregnant ex-drug addict. I was thinking about buying “Parenting for Dummies” but I don’t believe it exists. She likes movies, but my parents confiscated her dvd player. This leaves me with very few options. My mother recommends a “clean mouth.” :rolleyes: Age: 21.

The youngest sister: Loves computer games. Unfortunately is the most computer-illiterate person I know. Owns a computer than can only just run sims 2 (No T&L support). I would like to buy her a game that it can support, is slightly interesting, but not too hard (no puzzle/hard adventure games, she gets frustrated and gives up). Any suggestions? Age: 13.

Any suggestions at all would be helpful. My budget is about $75pp.
What were some good christmas presents you received at any time in your life that were great presents? What presents are you buying for difficult relatives?
I hope I don’t have to resort to chocolates.

*A new liver is out of the question.

2

wow.

Buy them all $75 Visa Gift Card and they can use it on whatever they want like crack or lipstick.

Or, plant some trees in their names so they can uh…be more useful to the planet?

Or, don’t give them anything and use the $$ to buy yourself a new identy :slight_smile:

3

Group therapy sounds like the most practical gift.

4

How about this?

I have to say you have me beat. My family consists of my mother who has not thrown anything away in 50 years, talks non-stop, and shows up at funerals to ask about geneology; my sister wjo has “environmental disease” and sniffs everything before she eats, wears or touches it; and my retarded brother who is the most normal of the bunch.

5

Well…

You can get some baby stuff for your pregnant sister – I dunno, diapers, a baby buggy, something like that?? Not my area of expertise.

Maybe the best thing to do would be to pool the money together and buy them one big thing they can all share. (That way, at least, your dad can’t give it away, since it won’t be completely his to give.) Get them a satellite TV or radio subscription, for example. Or a flat screen TV. Or a set of the Encyclopedia Brittanica. Or a grill. Or…

6

The same could be said about my retarded sister, who is the only one I have bought a present for so far.
Jerry Springer. It gets a bit like that when all of us are in the same house. My two older sisters start trying to “out-ho” each other, and it all goes downhill from there.

That would be awesome. I’m hoping there’s an Australian equivalent to the visa gift card too, but I can’t seem to find it.
[Anecdote]I had to belate their Father’s and Mother’s Day presents until I was in town again earlier this year. I bought them both $100 gift vouchers. To make it easier to spend them they split them into 5 20’s. When I went to give them to them, my mother (who being my mother, and it not being Bold and the Beautiful time,) was asleep. I kinda just poked her awake and said “Here Mommy, here’s your Mother’s Day present.” She opened it hazily, thanked me and went back to sleep.
She comes into my room ecstatic the next morning, having discovered that there were in fact 5 20’s and not just 1. I would do that again, but it seems unoriginal, and I’d have to be in town to buy it. I am not arriving until Boxing Day*.

Heh. They once tried that. It didn’t last long.

I was thinking about baby stuff, but I don’t want her to think I approve of her getting knocked up.
About the group thing, they all don’t live together, it would work for half of them though.
*Yay! No Christmas dinner for me. My Mom roasts chicken, then makes it cold. WTF? Why would someone go out of their way to make food taste worse? There’s always bon bons, even though most of us are 20 or older, and there’s always at least 2 fights on Christmas Day.

7

Yes, you’re a lovely flower growing out of this dung-heap. You’re looking for something to show you’re effluent, right?

Anything boy a noice desigoinor.

8

I refused to give my father food with fat in it due to heart disease. I don’t disqualify something, because I don’t like it. You should be buying something that they will enjoy. Buy your mother the makeup, if that’s what she really would like. Get her the hair care otherwise. You seem to be saying that they can’t have what they enjoy, because you don’t. Get over it and you can have a merrier holiday for your trouble.

Buy your father something he uses. His type will enjoy a mundane present, because he doesn’t have to buy it for the next year. Wisconsin saying “The best beer is the beer you get for free.”

Buy the eldest sister something that is personal use. Personal hygiene articles like soap, shampoo, and other beauty care might be something she can’t afford right now. In other words buy the bath care products, if she likes them. Buying something that’s electronic or sizzling hot, would likely be something sold for drugs.

Buying something like “Parenting For Dummies”, and the like is not a gift. It’s a slap in the face. Do you like to fight for Christmas? Buy her nothing if you can’t get her a non confrontational present, at least your not declaring war. She may be pregnant, but she has laid off the drugs. Concentrate on the life lessons she’s learned, and not just what’s to come. No suggestions on her gift.

Your youngest sister could use a new computer, and maybe someone you know has one they have no use for, but is better. I gave away systems that would have sold for almost nothing to people that really needed one. Somebody else may have a computer only that would cost you almost nothing, but needs the monitor and keyboard and such. I would consider dropping all the other’s presents and getting the youngest a bare bones computer for a few hundred dollars. The other’s are all adults, some very messed up, but adults all the same. Tell them that you won’t be getting them presents, so they don’t feel like they need to show up with one for you.

One present for your family can be that you get rid of the animosity you hold toward them all. It’s hard, but working on this will help you the most. Concentrate on the 13 year old, as she grows up. I took my siblings camping and hiking, and touring exhibits for almost 10 years. This gave them opportunities to mature that would not have happened in those important years.

9

Sugestions:
Father: gift certificate to “Sizzlers” He can’t give it away and it would be living it up for him as you say.

Oldest Sisters and Mother: Gift certificates to some kind of day spa, this would be particularly good for the pregnant one.

I would suggest against baby stuff for that one, not because it would say you approve. That doesn’t matter anymore; the baby will arrive and need stuff whether you approve or not. At the end of a pregnancy it can feel like its all about the baby and not you. This is particularly true and difficult for a teenager.

Youngest sister: Portable CD. Player thingy and a gift certificate to buy a couple CDs.

Alternate for sister 2 is one of those new DVD players that are teeny and don’t need a TV. but that might be out of your budget.

10

I don’t buy my mother make-up because it’s an addiction. Should I buy her alcohol and cigarettes too? It may sound strange but my mother is addicted to buying make-up and jewellery.

Perhaps. But like I said, that’s what we exchange every year. If it comes down to Christmas Eve and I still have no idea, then yes, that is what I probably do. It’s almost Christmas tradition by now.

Never heard the term “novelty gift”? Life lessons she’s learned? That would be funny if I didn’t know you were serious.

Her computer is only 1 yr old.

Half of them won’t anyway.

I don’t hold animosity against them. My family is a joke to everyone including my family.

By “living it up” I mean it is one of those things he thinks is an extreme waste of money. He did not approve of me taking my little sister to Sizzler.

[QUOTE]
Oldest Sisters and Mother: Gift certificates to some kind of day spa, this would be particularly good for the pregnant one.
[/QUOTEThat was going to be the idea for my mother, provided the place I want to take her to is still open (It is a small town).

I know it will arrive and need stuff, but she has plenty of other people to buy her baby stuff. Being mentally ill, she thinks having a baby is a great idea. She has no job, is being sued for an amount just under 15k, no house, and barely a boyfriend. I am planning on giving her my fridge and all the appliances I will no longer need after I move in with my boyfriend.

Unfortunately has one. :frowning:

11

Father: A book from Amazon. I know this sounds goofy, but my grandfather, who doesn’t like anything, loved the “Truman” book I got him. I now regularly send him books now. He’s on the Johnstown flood now. Find a subject dad likes, and spend, spend, spend!

Mom: Spa treatment. She’ll love it, and won’t be able to get another. Also pack of Nicotine patches (not kidding- two weeks smoke free here).

Pregnant sister: Pillows. I have no idea why, but I’ve gotten pillows for two different pregnant women and they loved it!.

Computer geek sister. Myst trilogy. Takes forever, and supported by most systems. Or jewelry. I don’t give two hoots what she says, geek girls love a nice, simple necklace.

12

For the sister who’s into computer games, but nothing too puzzle oriented, how about going to this site, and seeing if there might be anything there you could buy for her? I’ve seen some of these games for sale in Wal-mart, and they sell CD ROMs online. Likely her computer would support every single one of them. Look into Zuma, Astro Pop, Chuzzle, or Insaniquariam.

13

For $375 dollars you might take a vacation for yourself.

14

I’ve thought about that occasionally, but he’s dyslexic and it takes him a month to get through his monthly car type magazine. Giving him something else would probably cut down on the amount of time he gets to read it.

There isn’t actually any sort of spa in my town, but there is a place down by the shore that does a full body wax, and body treatment for $80. The problem is that businesses down there have a fast turnover, and it might no longer be open.
My mom is slowly trying to quit I believe. She writes the date and time she opened a pack at the top, and tries to make it last longer. I believe that has more to do with dad slowly cutting off her allowance so she has less money to spend on them now, than actual wanting to quit though.

That sounds like an awesome idea!

She’s not really geeky(being computer illiterate), and believe it or not, I actually bought her Myst last Christmas, she and I now both can’t stand it. She’s a Sims, Quidditch World Cup, anything Harry Potter (what 13yr old girl isn’t?) kind of girl. I would buy her GOF, but that seems like something she so obviously would want that my parents have probably already bought it for her. (hopefully not to find that it won’t work)
I bought a 10pce DragonBall Z figurine set that I will be able to accent her gift with, so if all else fails, clothing. Although last time I took her shopping, she said she didn’t like shopping for clothes. What a freaky little 13yo my parents raised. :stuck_out_tongue:
As for the latter, you should tell that to my boyfriend :wink:

It is about 2-3 weeks delivery to here which might be a problem, but that seems like a good idea.

I don’t live with them, so every day is a vacation from them. I’d feel guilty if I didn’t buy presents. Although my older sisters have forgotten my birthday and christmas for the last two years, they are still my sisters, and I will still continue to buy them presents and do their tax for a while yet.

15

Noice won hawthorne. Remarkably appropriate if I might say so, in regards to the OP and her later contributions.

However, I think your subtlety might have gone whooshing over her head.

You might want to rephrase your comments down to the lowest linguistic denominator here. :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

16

Or I ignored it, either way. I was asking for help, that comment provided none. Why should I reply to it?

17

Mum: Perfume?

Dad: Bunnings voucher

Sister 1: Back when I was struggling to live on my own, my aunt gave me a set of canisters for Christmas, and she had filled them - sugar in one, flour in another, even spaghetti in the spaghetti container (etc). I always appreciated that gift immensely. If your sister manages to avoid being kicked out between now and then, would something like that help her out?

Sister 2: Whether you approve or not, there’s still a baby on the way. Will your sister be able to get it everything it needs? Don’t think of buying baby clothes as endorsing your sister’s pregnancy, think of it as setting your niece/nephew up in case your sis is the dropkick parent you think she’s going to be. Otherwise, there are a billion books on pregnancy/childrearing at your local book store. The pillows idea was a very nice one.

Is 13-yr-old sis’s music player an iPod? Maybe an iTunes Music Store voucher would suit. Otherwise, The Sims 2 has just come out with a small “Holiday Party Pack” of 40 holiday themed accessories for the game for $30. Upside: It’s cheaper than an expansion pack, it shouldn’t tax the computer any further than the Sims 2 already does. Downside: It’s not as fun or interesting as an expansion and the holiday accessories might not get a lot of use once Christmas is over (really depends on your sis). If your sis doesn’t already have them, either The Sims 2: University or The Sims 2: Nightlife might add new interest to her game but may also cause it to struggle even harder to run. No chance you could try to pick up a (cheap? second hand?) T&L capable video card for her, is there?

18

A make up addiction is not harmful the way a tobacco or alcohol addiction is; it’s really silly to think it is the same. Just get over your disapproval and get your mom what she likes! This will be $75 worth of crap she won’t have to buy herself.

19

Parenting for Dummies.

20

I’ve gone through a lot of crap for the last 6 years and I will put most previous transgressions of others behind me. It’s that or be a very bitter person, and I choose the forgive and let live route. I just want you to know why I push everyone here to play nice.

Enjoy your holiday.