Help me convince my boyfriend to split birth control costs

In My Humble Opinion
1

Short and sweet:

I just lost my health insurance and now have to full price for birth control, which will now be $60 every 4 weeks, as opposed to $25. I asked my boyfriend to split the price and he gave me a very grey answer, but he definitely didn’t say yes. I am annoyed.

  • I would like a better way to word my argument/request
  • If you are a male who would not contribute toward birth control in this situation, please tell me why, I really don’t understand and I think understanding it would make me less annoyed.

More detail:

I searched through 10 pages of previous threads and didn’t find anything like this.

I just graduated and I’m currently searching for a job that gives me insurance. I’m also applying to grad schools, so I assume that I will have insurance within the next 6 months, either through work or through a university. But until then, I need birth control.

I use the Nuvaring. BC pills do not work for me. IUD are initially expensive. Other forms are not as effective and I do not trust them! I went to planned parenthood and learned that they have recently stopped carrying the nuvaring because it is expensive. I have been searching for other discount clinics in my area and have found nothing. I can order it online cheaper, but the Nuvaring is heat sensitive, and I am very very leery of shipping it into a Texas summer.

I am poor (recent graduate, barely employed), and asked my boyfriend, (student, also poor) to split the costs of the nuvaring with me. It’d be $30 a month each. He suggested we go back to condoms. I do not like this idea. We used condoms for 6 weeks and had two breaks, and I will not have an abortion if I get pregnant.

The conversation with my boyfriend was yesterday. We will talk about it again on Saturday. Please help me improve my argument and not be annoyed with him.

2

Would not having sex until both partners are ready to take fiscal responsibility to prevent an unwanted pregnancy work?

3

Where do you live? Birth control can be had for free here in California.

4

I am going to be atypically serious and quite blunt in answering.

You have to threaten to cut him off, and mean it, and follow through if he refuses.

If he wishes to have sex with you but refuses ot contribute to your not having an unplanned pregnancy, then I predict with utter certainty that, in the event of such a pregnancy, he will neither be willing to help you pay for an abortion nor be willing to do his part in paying child support if you decide to keep the baby. I also predict, though with less certainty, that in the event of an unplanned pregnancy he will pressure you to abort the child, regardless of your feelings on the matter. But if he refuses to help pay for birth control, then he is not interested in being responsible.

Tell him that no support on the birth control front equals no sex from you. If he protests that you would not make such an ultimatum if you love him, he is exposing quite a bit of information about himself.

Phrase it nicely, but be firm.

5

Well, he’s not doing that. It’s easy to repair to the trope of the callous and rapacious bad boyfriend, but he did suggest using condoms. The breakage issue indicates that they should ensure they are using them correctly, including the type of lubricant they are using with them and the size purchased.

Rather, I think it has more to do with the fact that she has a job while he’s still in school and she wants him to subsidize her more expensive preferred alternative.

6

Who paid for the condoms?

7

I love how MissMossie and **Skald **say about the same thing, but in their own inimitable styles!

Have you shown him the numbers for the failure rates for condoms (about 10% in a year) and Nuvaring (about 1% in a year)? If you factor in the cost of raising a child to adulthood at $180,000, the expected value of the difference is $18,000-1,800=$16,200. If he’s studying economics, that should convince him.

8

Agree with Skald. In fact, I’ll be blunter…this is the flashing neon sign that says “dump his ass and find a grownup to have sex with.” He doesn’t want to take responsibility for half the fun, this is not a long term guy - and right now you need someone who is at least long term enough to pay for his half of the birth control expense.

9

Just show him http://moneycentral.msn.com/articles/family/kids/tlkidscost.asp

10

I’m going to be even blunter.

Get a new boyfriend.

If he can’t be asked to pony up for something so simple as this, then what happens when the really big decisions arise?

Abortion is not an option for you? Then how does raising a child alone feel, because that’s what’s going to happen.

C’mon, don’t be one of those young women, who sees the lights of the train coming and thinks it’s the wings of fairies.

It’s the little things that often tell us about a person’s character.

This is bullshit. Be smart.

11

I agree with Skald and Dangerosa. A guy who isn’t willing to pay for the best BC for his situation is not a guy who gets to have sex, and he probably isn’t mature enough to be having it anyway.

Someone said: “Is it really wise to share your most intimate self with someone who will flee at the first whiff of responsibility? And does such a person really care about you, or is he just using you?”

12

That’s pretty lousy of him, I must say. Does he get insurance through school?

I haven’t bought condoms in a while. What does a month’s supply cost these days?

13

I don’t think it’s a good sign for your relationship, or a sign that this guy is The One for you, that he didn’t say yes.

Or perhaps a different (probably more expensive) brand of condoms is called for.

This is one reason why birth control is one of the last things I’d consider changing in my life to cut costs.

There are areas of life in which “you get what you pay for” doesn’t apply, but AFAIK birth control isn’t one of them.

14

I have to agree with Dangerosa and everyone else. I have never had a serious boyfriend who didn’t insist on paying for half of the birth control without me ever bringing it up. I can’t imagine trusting a man who doesn’t feel like he should be responsible for baby prevention enough to keep dating him.

If your boyfriend is just dirt poor and can’t afford to shell out $30 when you could use condoms for $10 that is different, but if it wouldn’t be a hardship for him he needs to pay his half.

15

I am, of course, paranoid and untrusting. MissMossie probably has the benefit of having fewer personality disorders than I.

[QUOTE=Kimmy_Gibbler]

[QUOTE=that crazy Rhymer dude who sees treachery & misrepresentation everywhere on account of his own dissolute youth and also all the dahlias in his garden]

If he wishes to have sex with you but refuses ot contribute to your not having an unplanned pregnancy…
[/QUOTE]

Well, he’s not doing that. It’s easy to repair to the trope of the callous and rapacious bad boyfriend, but he did suggest using condoms. The breakage issue indicates that they should ensure they are using them correctly, including the type of lubricant they are using with them and the size purchased.
[/QUOTE]

I don’t consider condoms the optimal or appropriate method of birth control for persons in a committed long term relationship. If I recall aright, MissIntent and her boyfriend are cohabiting, so they’re clearly intending to be together, if not necessarily for the long time, then certainly for an indefinite period of time. Something more reliable is called for, I think.

[QUOTE=Dangerosa]

Agree with Skald. In fact, I’ll be blunter…this is the flashing neon sign that says “dump his ass and find a grownup to have sex with.” He doesn’t want to take responsibility for half the fun, this is not a long term guy - and right now you need someone who is at least long term enough to pay for his half of the birth control expense.
[/QUOTE]

I can’t go quite that far. I get the feeling that these are both very young people (early 20s, no?) and he may not have done the math. Sometimes guys that age just need a wake-up call to make them man up. Hence my advice to phrase whatever is said lovingly but firmly.

That said…while I don’t see a reason to be impolite in this circumstance, I also see no reason to put up with the slightest trace of BS on his part. If he protests that it’s too expensive, then what he really means that it’s too expensive for HIM to pay for what he perceives as YOUR responsibility. That’s a deal-breaker.

16

Are “we” gonna get out the spread sheet and split EVERYTHING (cost and effort wise) 50/50?

I’d be darn careful about going there.

The free market price for putang ain’t as high as you think it is.

17

While I’m not immediately in the “dump him” camp, I have to wonder if $30 is a significant financial burden for him. If it’s a bearable expense, that says something about the guy’s character and mentality. If it really is a lot of money to dish out right now, then I think the answer is to abstain from sex until you both can comfortably afford the expense.

I’m not a big fan of the adversarial approach to interactions, so I wouldn’t go with the “threaten to cut him off” route. But I would offer to lay out your views on abortions, pregnancy at this point in your life, and sex in general (if you haven’t already done so). And then, again if you haven’t already done so, use the opportunity to ask for his perspective on abortion and any unplanned pregnancy at this point (after all, no form of birth control is 100% effective). This will allow you get a feel for whether the two of you are roughly on the same page regarding sex, or if more discussion is required in order to maintain a healthy sexual lifestyle.

18

I’m 25, he’s 26.

Honestly, almost all of the responses here seem to be supporting me, which is great, but if you disagree with splitting this please speak up. I want to hear good honest reasons for NOT splitting birth control that I need to consider. I know how I feel about this - annoyed with him. If there’s any reason I shouldn’t be, I want to take it into consideration.

19

And as someone who IS using condoms as a long-term solution (well, until we decide to have kids), they’re not all that cheap, either. Easier to get for free, since places like Planned Parenthood give them away, but you might be stuck with condoms you hate, then what’s the point?

I won’t jump on the “dump him” bandwagon yet. Does he understand why Nuvaring is your only good option right now? What kind of answer did he give you?

20

I’m a guy. He’s an idiot.

I wouldn’t say, “dump his ass now”, but I would definitely second the “no sex 'til he agrees” strategy, with jurisdiction reserved to dump his ass if necessary.