My late husband did it, and although it felt wrong at the time, he was adamant. It turned out to be a very good thing for many reasons. I would like to do the same, my partner objects for no concrete reason.
How can I convince him?
Well, as much as you love someone else, it’s your body, your decision. Make sure your will reflects that.
Then find out why your partner objects. Is it religious? Is it paranoid (the “EMTs won’t revive you if you’re a donor” type)?
First by understanding what his objections are based on.
Most people’s objection is that it feels wrong. They aren’t really interested in exploring why it feels wrong. It’s kind of a hard thing to argue with.
Why do you feel the need to convince your partner? Would he be able to legally stop it happening if you were to die?
If they get married he just might.
In the US, yes. The next of kin can veto body and organ donation. So if he is her legal next of kin he can veto.
Also, your will is not the place to mention your body donation. By the time anyone gets around to reading the will you’ll already be in the ground or up in smoke.
It’s a simple argument - when you die, you cease to exist. Your brain stops functioning, which means you mind is no longer operating. Since you no longer exist, you can suffer no injury from medical/scientific use of your body, and others derive substantial benefit from it. The logical course is to donate your body to science.
If you, knowing your partner as you do, and having the experience you’ve had, don’t know how to convince him, how do you expect us to?
Well, it’s your body and should totally be your decision, but really, you’ll never find out one way or the other what happens to your body.
Tell your partner that it’s better than the alternatives:
Cremation – burn your body up
Burial – decompose into gelatinous goo
Taxidermy – stuffed and displayed
So long as you are OK with your body being used to test motorcycle helmets, vehicle airbags and snowboard wrist braces, go for it.
I read (and I will go looking for the article shortly) that human cadavers are so expensive and hard to come by that they aren’t used for commercial safety tests. I’ll be back with supporting info!
ETA: OK - not the best cite, but here is the wikipedia entry
Yeah, that’s the problem, it just seems “icky” to him. I even offered to have my cremains returned to him, but he doesn’t like that either.
But as my late husband’s decision was good for me as surviving spouse, I think it would be good for my current partner. No silly assed (forgive me if I offend) services and memorials, no costs AT ALL, no urns and graves and thing, they take you, you’re gone, and I think it helped me move on.
Just tell him he might be able to always visit you and look upon you with his own eyes, rather than being hidden from him in a casket six feet underground.
Think about how your mind changed. I’m betting that you had never experienced death up close before, has he?
Until you’ve stood there beside the thing that is no longer your loved one, it’s difficult to understand the utter separation that occurs. Handling the body reverently is imagined by the unitiated because they still connect it with the essence of you.
Once you have leaned over and closed those eyes, and seen the person really gone you realize what you alwas thought was a soft euphemism is actually a stark reality. And after that the utility and positive use of organs and other remains becomes an obvious good.
Talking that through with him will probably bring him around.
That’s for most people. There will always be some who for religious or other reasons will never be comfortable with it. In that case, I hope you will consider his feelings. Losing a loved one is traumatic enough; being asked to do something repugnant with their remains adds horror to bereavement. Don’t put him through that.
If it’s really “just icky” OK, talk it through again, make your wishes known, but let him know that whatever he decides will be OK with you. If it’s truly repugnant to him, please don’t leave him with the choice of adding either guilt or horror to the fresh pain of losing you.
I’ve always wanted–long, longterm goal-- to become an articulated skeleton in a science classroom. But I don’t know if they still use the real thing for that. My partner is all cool about organ donation and the like, but she freaks if my whole body is going to be gone. Like, she wants a little to burn or bury or scatter? Good god.
For more on the story:
http://tapu-tapu-tapu.blogspot.com/2012/06/last-wishes-are-best-wishes.html
Reassure him by informing him that you will actually be dead first.
He’ll be like “Ooooooh…right.”
I didn’t think a ‘partner’ was considered next of kin in the US?
nm