Help me customize my Clippy!

Clippy![sup]TM[/sup] is a prank program that spoofs the annoying MS Office paperclip assistant. I found it through someone else’s post here at the SDMB a year or two ago, but haven’t done much with it. Linky-Link. It pops up about once a minute with some inane remark like “I have detected a mouse move. This is normal.”

It also has the option of adding your own custom remarks to its repertoire. I have been trying to come up with some clever/stupid things for it, but have gotten stuck. Here’s my list so far;

From your typing patterns, it would appear that you are a transexual. Do you prefer to be addressed as Mr. or Ms?

You appear to be typing a suicide note. Would you like some suggestions?

Here’s a fun fact! There are an estimated 30 million bacteria on the average computer mouse.

Please feel free to use my spel chekker funcshun.

Your break was over ten minutes ago. Please get back to work now.

I am required to tell you that I have discovered a large amount of kiddie porn on your computer and have already notified the FBI.

The way you handle your mouse makes me feel all tingly. Scroll me baby!

I know that the dopers can do better than this.

A mod from one of yours …

The way you handle your mouse makes me feel all tingly. Please use two
fingers now!

Good one!

BOO! Did I scare you? No? Please carry on.

Oh yeah, yeahh, right there…I should inform you that that feels good.

You can play the black seven on the red eight.

Did you know: Your boss is looking over your shoulder? And by the way, he is ugly and looks like a cretin.

You appear to be writing a ransom note. Did you know there is a special font called Ransom?

There is a spot on your tie. Would you like me to fetch a Wet-Nap?

Did you know: Everything you type reads backward from in here!

It was your turn to get the donuts today. Did you forget?

I noticed the guy across the hall makes a lot more than you do!

Is English your first language.

Thanks! These are good. Here’s another;

“I have a huge crush on your staple remover. Is she seeing anyone?”

“Please wash you hands after eating Krispy Kremes - the keyboard is all sticky.”

“Is that you humming? It’s very annoying.”

“Fun fact: A duck’s quack doesn’t echo.” :smiley:

Please, let me out of here.

You wouldn’t believe the nasty things your icons say about you when you’re not around.

I’m made of electrons!

I caught a virus! What do you want me to do with it?

To free up more disk space, delete the program windows.exe

Oh God, can’t you go five minutes without looking at porn?

Nice boobies!

Ooops! You did remember to remember the last five files you were working on, didn’t you. Sorry.


“Eeeew! I can totally see straight up your nostrils from here.”

“Hey! The screensaver just winked at me!”

“When come back, bring pie!”

"Sorry, the SDMB is not work related. I am terminating your internet session in 5 … 4 … 3 … "

“Your company internet site was very dull, so I added some of your favorite porn links to it. You are welcome.”

“Click on the monkey and win a free iPod! C’mon, it’s easy!”

“Please download Microsoft’s female office assistant progam. I have needs, dammit!”

“Warning! The CPU’s ratio of 1s to 0s is dangerously out of balance. Please type nothing but blanks to use up the excess zeros until further notice.”

“You keep typing ‘you’re’ when you should use ‘your.’ Would like of list of local colleges offering remedial English courses?”

“Did you know that it was George Lucas’s MS office assitant that suggested expanding Jar-Jar’s role in Phantom Menace? No need to thank us.”

“Fun fact: ‘Embargo’ backwards is ‘O grab me.’”

“You appear to be composing an al-Qaeda mission statement. Don’t bother running; we’ve already notified Homeland Security.”

“Did you know I was originally going to be a talking application? The finalists for the voice were Gilbert Gottfried and Fran Drescher. So next time you think about how annoying I am, just remember it could have been a lot worse.”