Make sure it’s spotted owl. Those are the best 
I see someone beat me to Circus Peanuts. Those things are disgusting.
No, let’s make them out of real dog, instead.
I’m going to take a leaf from Sequential Threads and suggest Kitten Sandwich with Puppy Sauce.
I well remember the dehydrated pork patty. The worst thing you could do to it was re-hydrate it; it became a nasty meat-flavored sponge.
Eat it like a meat flavored rice-cake was the way to go.
At the risk of things just getting silly…technically, dog meat would be allowable. Preferably in an authentic recipe, though; not just a vacuum sealed puppy head staring at you with it’s sad, dead eyes.
- Entree - Freeze-Dried-Deep-Fried Bottlenose Dolphin steaks
- Side - Baby Harp Seal fritters
- Bread - Extra-Bland Communion wafers
- Spread - Lobster Tomalley with added salt
- Dessert - Chocolate Coated Leeches
- Candy - Candied Madagascar Hissing Roaches
- Beverage - Celery-flavoured soda
- Hot sauce or seasoning - Encephalartos woodii (the most endangered plant in the world, an African Cycad that now only exists in botanical gardens) powder
- Condiments - Squid ink, and Sargasso seaweed relish
A Hooah Bar is an energy bar. Sort of like what MetRx or some of those other companies puts out. Kind of gooey. Ranger bars are old. I can’t remember the last time I saw one.
I was going to mention the mid-80’s MRE’s but they have been pretty well thrashed already. That dehydrated pork (or beef) patty always smelled of Alpo dry dog food to me. I started eating them in the 1984-85 timeframe (you would trade your sister for the Ham Slice, which actually tasted like a slice of ham), you cannot imagine the excitement when we started seeing the “new” ones in 1988! We’d put those little Tabasco Sauce bottles in the “grenade hooks” on our flak jackets, they were so precious!
Coconut in the dessert &/or candy. As all Charlie Brown fans know, small children can be very vocal in their hatred of coconut.
Now with the Communion wafers I suggest serving them with cheese and veal beef/pork heart based pepperoni.
Then you’d have a single dish offensive to Catholics, Jews, Hindus, Inuit Animists, and people who like baby cows.