I called my mom today and relayed all of your wonderful suggestions. Turns out I’m terrible at guessing sizes – she says she wears a 20-22 (although I’m guessing that she leans more toward 22-24 because her clothes are always so snug), so the size 26 dress (especially if it’s loose-cut) is out. But it sounded just right! Thanks again.
She has considered tailoring, and if it’s simple she can even do it herself. She liked the suggestion of bridal shops, and she has seen Chadwick’s and Coldwater Creek. (I think I used to get their catalogs, but I never ordered anything, so they stopped.) And she’s going to measure herself (or if she goes to a tailor, they will do it, although that will be after the fact!).
It’s just such a chore getting my mom to do anything nice for herself, even if someone else is paying for it. A dinner that costs more than $15 a head is “ridiculous.” I had a thread a few months ago about the hassle of getting her a cordless phone that she could use while recovering from surgery, to replace the old broken one; a lot of that was my dad, but a lot was her, not wanting to be a bother and always settling for “good enough.”
Her weight issue is extremely emotional. Her marriage is a mess, and food is one of her few daily comforts and joys. She has been on lots of diets, ever since I can remember, and has been up and down the scale. On her last losing streak, even though she was generally trending downward, she would get “depressed” if she went up a few pounds, even though that’s normal. She does go to Curves, and I think (hope?) that the recent knee surgery may be a fresh impetus for her, especially because her other knee isn’t so hot either and she doesn’t want to go through the surgery again. And she didn’t need the doctor to tell her that losing weight would reduce the strain on her joints.
Weight loss does not always boil down to a math problem. Those who disagree are welcome to bite me, with or without the dressing on the side.
If this works out right, and she does end up getting something that is tailored to her, it will do a lot for her self esteem.
Off-the-rack clothes for fat people don’t usually make us look good. Trying stuff on and seeing it fit poorly doesn’t help either. Once it’s tailored and everything fits correctly she will look and feel great, I guarantee.
Just have to get her used to the idea of trying stuff on, not looking at costs, and making it work for her.
Definitely she should have someone else do the measuring. It just can’t be accurate to try to do it yourself! And if she gets something classic that’s not so much Mother of the Bride, and gets it tailored, it will be her one nice outfit she can use again. For frugal dinners out. And she may feel better about her current size, whether or not she wants to change it.
No kidding . . . I went pants shopping myself last Friday, and so I’m back on the wagon this week! I want the waist of the pants and MY waist to coincide, thankyewverymuch. I DO have a waist, as do many fat women; I don’t need room for a basketball tucked in the back above my butt. I tried on dozens of pairs of plain black dress pants, and they all fit me like a pig in a sack (there’s one for the trolls). I often get compliments on how I dress, so I know that it need not be so! Fortunately I finally found some that only need a little tuck at the waist and are made out of a nice fabric instead of that awful “janitor pants” twill (or worse, polyester :: shudder :: ).
My mom was telling me about her early shopping excursions for this dress. The “designers” (and I use the term loosely) seem to think that we want to wear big googly floral patterns in fugly colors. No thanks.
I sure wish I could go shopping with her and be her “gopher,” and make suggestions! But at least it sounds like she’ll get one her friends down there to go with her. :: sigh ::
gigi: Yes, exactly. She’d like to be able to wear it again. Then she would definitely feel better about the cost. She just doesn’t have any dressy clothes. Never goes anywhere! She’s always underdressed at weddings, funerals, etc. She used to dress pretty sharp when she was working (office job), and her weight was probably in the same range. But retirement has really done a number on her wardrobe. And while she’s not loaded, she’s not in the poorhouse either. Just cheap.
Actually…if she finds one and it’s online somewhere could you post a pic for us (not of her in it, just the dress at the store)? My mom’s got to get herself one of these getups for next summer (mother of the groom, not me!) and she’s also 5’4". Not quite your mom’s size - I think 16 or 18 - but it would be nice to see what someone else of a comparabile size picks out.
Sorry for going off topic, but what is it with that? I have been everything from a size 4 to a 14 and I always have this huge gap in the waist of my pants (jeans are the worst). Granted, I have an hourglass shape so I expect some gap, but come on, I could smuggle a laptop out of a store in that gap {end of rant}
I apologize, that was exactly zero help to you. Anything I could think of while reading the thread was already covered by others. Good luck convincing your Mom to splurge on herself just this once. I’m sure she will look stunning.
Not at all; I brought it up! I’d be interested to know what their dummies look like. Do they think we have a third giant butt cheek sticking out of our backs? Are they just taking maternity pants and turning them back to front?
I’ve had good luck with jeans that have just a bit of elastic on the sides of the waist, just enough to fit the fabric up against me – mostly Lee Riders. It’s the completely tailored waistlines that screw me over. They never come close to my shape. Hello, designers: Women Have Curves. Stop Designing EVERYTHING for Teenage Boys and Anorexic Waifs.
I just purchased a delightful pantsuit from Catherine’s for my stepson’s wedding in September. It has a glitttery jacket, satin tank, and flowing pants. Very dressy but something that I can wear again.
My shape is completely different than your mothers. I’m 5’10" and a size 28 so pants were a good choice for me. They may not be such a good choice for your mom.
I spent a LOT of time shopping online so the best of luck to you and your mother. Plus size clothing can be one helluva problem.
I suggest seeing if there is a C.J. Banks near her. Great plus sized stuff (and their sizes start at 16 or 18 in the store, so she can wear most stuff she’ll find). I’m an 18, and I found great wedding clothes there.
Gapless wonder here. At least you have a waist. I’m shaped like a boy with boobs, and lately a large boy. The best all time jeans are Lee® One True Fit I swear, they make you look 10 lbs lighter and make your butt look amazing.
Scarlett67 I might have a dress as well. We bought my grandmother a beautiful dress that she never wore and still has the tags. We couldn’t throw it away, but I’d love it if someone was able to wear it. It’s not old fashioned, it’s a pale mint green with a jacket. I think it might be the right size, let me know if your interested.
Now, the website is a bit flamboyant. Don’t be be put off by this. Ignore the silly hats. The website features pictures of suits in very bright colors, but if you click on individual styles you’ll see that they are also available in pretty, muted pastels.
The suits are well-made in quality fabrics and there are some sale items that are real bargains.
Oops, my bad. But I was reading off the screen when I described it to my mom, so I must have read it right then, and she still thought it would be way too big. Oh well.
FilmGeek: I didn’t even know that C.J. Banks was a plus-size place! I’ll have to check them out, and I’ll pass them on to my mom as well.
Caridwen, that’s very generous of you! I’d like to know more (pictures, measurements, size, if you have them). You can e-mail me at scarlett67 at gmail dot com. Thanks very much for the offer!
Actually, I order from Lane Bryant all the time and I like their stuff, get compliments when I wear it, etc. To each his own, I guess. My mom doesn’t have Internet access, so showing her items from an online source would be a bit of a hassle, so I’ll reserve your suggestion in case she comes up empty.
May I suggest that Scarlett67’s mom start by checking the fit of her bra by being re-measured? Sine a lot of plus sized clothing tend to hang from the bustline, a well-supported and as shape-enhanced as possible bosom can be the most important factor in fit 'n flatter for plus fashions.