I’m 15,000 words into my novel at this point and I need to build a little more onto the character of the protagonist’s daughter, who is 3 (named Kara). My son is 15 now, almost 16, and I have to say I don’t remember very accurately what 3 year olds are like. Can some of you help remind me? Maybe come up with some scene ideas that could include a 3 year old and what they might do?
I already did a playdate at the park with another same-aged kid.
I’ll just throw a few random things, based on my own children (4 and 8 years old):
3-year-olds don’t necessarily observe physical-space boundaries the way older kids learn to. Lots of spontaneous sitting on laps, sidling up on the couch, climbing into bed, getting up right beside you to show you something, etc.
Conversation skills will vary, but in general there will be no lengthy give-and-take between a 3-year-old and an older character. Attention spans are short – if another character finds themselves needing information from a 3-year-old, the older character will have to “interrogate” the child in brief chunks.
Personal interests are more well developed by age 3 than many people expect. The interests won’t be wide-ranging or esoteric, but they can have surprising depth. For instance, it’s not unusual for a 3-year-old to know the names of 15 different kinds of dinosaurs, and to be able to name them on sight.
It would be highly unusual for a 3-year-old to be able to write legibly, or to be able to draw objects with much fidelity of proportion. Even coloring within the lines is advanced beyond the abilities of typical 3-year-olds.
My youngest is five now, so even my memories are getting a bit mushy, but I can tell you that most characters that young are written sounding much too old and wise.
Three year olds are still babies…their talk is very babyish, they can have total meltdowns, may still drink from a bottle, some are not toilet trained, and most have potty accidents.
They can also be impossibly, irresistibly cute and adorable. They are generally very attached to their primary caretaker.
Their personalities of course can vary as widely as adults. There are very empathetic sweet three year olds and very bossy obnoxious three year olds. Some are cautious and retiring, some are adventurous to a dangerous extent.
You really need to spend a lot of time listening to three year olds to get the language right, and even if the words are right, it is, in my reading experience, very hard to convey the tenor of their baby voices.
The best example I can think of is a 4 year old character in the novel “Little Bee” by Chris Cleve. My youngest was 4 when I read it and I was frequently struck by how right he was getting the way they talk. I was not surprised to find out he had a 4 year old when he wrote it and spent a lot of time taking notes of exactly how his child talked.
This is good stuff, thanks. Keep it coming 
Memories…
Had to add this as agreement with other posters.
My son liked to wear clothes that matched mine, and viewed himself as a baby bear, with me as the daddy bear.
His sentences were like the old adventure games sometimes (we get gas?) and mature at others (daddy, don’t yell at me…)
I have a 3 year right now…
He wants to dress himself, but he usually gets something on backwards.
He says embarrassing things to strangers (‘that guy is BIG’- to an obese gentleman, ‘why he got that thing in his mouth?’- to a smoker, etc., etc.).
He likes to smell random objects (the floor of the mall, walls, shoes).
He randomly falls, sometimes on purpose, sometimes not.
He likes to ask questions he already knows the answers to.
‘Why?’ is his standard response to almost every statement made to him.
Somehow, his hands are always sticky.
He rats me out to the SO when I say ‘bad words’.
He is currently very interested in ‘blood’ and ‘skeletons’ and wants to talk about these subjects whenever possible, (‘let’s talk about skeletons’, he tell me as he sits on the toilet…).
Like skylyn12, I find that “Why?” is a much more distinctive catchphrase. You could, without loss of verisimilitude, go through the entire novel without the kid saying anything else.
Part of the reason there isn’t a lengthy give and take is that three-year-olds often don’t actually understand the point of conversation. They like to talk, but the fact that questions are asked in anticipation of an answer to that question escapes many of them.
This is how an adult talking to a three-year-old thinks a conversation should go:
adult: ask question
child: answer that question
adult: ask another, related question
child: answer that question
This is how a three-year-old talking to adult an thinks a conversation should go:
adult: ask question
child: I get to talk about something - perhaps tangentally related to the question, quite possibly not
adult: ask another question
child: it’s my turn to talk again! let’s talk about this thing that popped into my head now
Basically, all three-year-olds are like talking to someone who is either very drunk or severely ADD.
This is an actual conversation I had with a three-year-old
me: [reads a page of Harold and the Purple crayon, specifically when he draws a wavy line while backing up] why do you think he fell in the water?
child: when we went to Florida we drove over a bridge and a wave hit us!
me: okay, but why did Harold fall in the water?
child: I hope we go to see my grandma next year
me: Uh huh. Well, let’s see what happens next…
They’ll make up words to fill in gaps in their vocabulary. Once you figure it out, it usually makes sense.
“Wokkabees get me!” Turns out he had stepped out onto the back porch and onto a line of ants, which had crawled all over his feet and legs. The only name for an insect that he knew was bees, and he knew that these were different. They were different because they didn’t fly, they walked. So walk-a-bees.
They ask about things you take for granted. “Why is that truck riding that other truck?” (Excavation equipment being delivered on a flat semi) And sometimes (especially on the older end of three) they enjoy it if you ask them why they think that might be.
They’re cooperative with an adult asking them to do something, especially if the adult is helping them figure it out. I say that my middle one was born two years old, because he was always very definite in what he wanted and more than a little contrary. And loud. Then he turned three and one day I asked him to do something and he said “OK” and went and did it. My jaw dropped.
He hadn’t turned completely cooperative, of course, but for three year olds there’s a shift to wanting to do the same thing as the people around them that isn’t there at two. They want to act as one of the group. This was the one who climbed up to the bathroom shelf to get my razor and cut himself trying to shave, then tried to clean it up without me finding out. He didn’t know I’d hear the bathtub faucet running.
Since I was a single parent, it was his leg that he nicked.
I do not have a kid, but this thread reminded me of this comic. Translation is provided in the text box below.
You guys are a gold mine. Thanks for all the help. Anything else?
Well if you’ll be in DC on June 4th feel free to come by my daughters birthday party, there will be about 10 3 year olds there.
Shiny, shiny, shiny, NOT SHINY, shiny, shiny, eat this, yuck. What was that? <stare mindlessly> Oooh, shiny, shiny…
Well, based on my neighbor’s 3 year old:
Shrieking. Lots and lots of shrieking. His response to anything that happens, good or bad, shrieking.
I think that the actions of the child in your story should be based on his family members. Family that truly cares for the child; speaks to him in complete sentences, plays appropriately with him, expects good behavior, etc., will more than likely have a child who is able to share his feelings with words and normal responses to stimuli.
However, if your family members are either too indulgent with the child or at the opposite end of the spectrum and have no interest, you may want to write the child using the behaviors of a much younger one.
I would also like to second Skylyn12 on the sticky hands.
Three year olds have lots of questions that wouldn’t even occur to adults. Example: driving home one day, my kiddo got silent for a while, then asked, “Daddy, why don’t shadows smile?”
Oh, and they’re fascinated by bugs and worms and such.
Also, little ones are much smarter than we give them credit for.
Mine is not even two and she can get our I-pod Touch, turn it on, go to the page that has her games on it, open her favorite one, and play it. Her favorite game is a puzzle game that gives you a piece that you have to put in the right place in the picture. She is crazy fast at it. There was one puzzle that my husband was having problems lining up the pieces on. They needed to be very accurately placed. Two days later, she was better than he was.
A bit from my blog when my daughter was three:
Nailed it. Pretty much sums up my day, right there.
My observations of 3 year olds:
When they find something they like, they latch onto it and don’t mind watching/listening/talking about/playing with it over and over and over and over again. For about three days. Then it’s on to the next thing.
Alternate seemingly randomly between wanting to be independent and dress themselves or go potty by themselves, etc., and total helplessness that requires constant attentiveness.
Everything is an instrument and life needs theme music.
If they have siblings, they revel in tattling.
Their questions often reveal their limited understanding of physics and the laws of nature, but are almost always endearing.
No social filter. No volume control.
They think they’re clever. For instance, my son knows he is not supposed to say certain words, so one day he was sitting at the computer with MS Word open (as is often his wont, he likes to type song titles to practice his spelling) typing this and that and asking for help with that word or this, when after a moment of effort he turns around and snidely asks, “What does this say?” There, next to his big SEG, in big, bold letters was S H I T. When we told him not to write that he argued that it was okay because he didn’t say it.
Holy shit, your 3 year old can spell shit! He’s a goddamn prodigy, kids can’t even read yet at 3. Usually.