Both of my grandmothers are very ill and not likely long for this world, and it makes me sad to know that many of their stories will die with them. I don’t know much about their younger selves, about their adventures, their lives before they were little old Grandmas. I will try to get some stories out of them if I can, when I next visit home, but neither is in much shape for a lot of talking (or writing), so I’m not sure how successful I will be. I regret not asking the questions earlier.
So, while I’m thinking about it and while my Mom is still in great shape, I want to try and get some of her story. To know her as a person and not just as Mommy. I’ve seen some books for sale, full of questions, and Mom is supposed to fill in the blank pages. But I don’t want to have to buy a silly book - I just want some questions to ask her that will give me something to hold on to, something to show grandkids and great grandkids when she’s gone, so they can know what sort of women they come from. (I know I should do this for my Dad too, but I’m so much closer to my mom and it means more to me to get her story down… maybe Dad later)
What can I ask her? I’m not sure where to start! Besides the obvious “which kid is really your favorite” question, of course.
Has anyone here done a project like this? Do you have any advice?
When my grandma died, nobody in the family was really sure how she lost half of her pinky finger as a kid. My mom told me she’d been told that gma’s brother accidentally cut it off with a knife while slicing watermelon. I was told by grandma that she got it stuck in a door of the first car her family bought together. My sister and my mom’s siblings all got different versions, too. She wasn’t forgetful (died in her early 60s, before alzheimer’s was a worry), but she was extremely colorful and mischievous.
I would recommend starting with basic questions. Where did she go to school, what was it like, did they have gym class, were girls allowed to wear pants, how long did she have to walk to get to school, did she ever regularly run around without shoes in the summers? What kind of technology did she grow up with? When did she first get a TV, was it black and white or color? Maybe ask her if you can tape record it so you can just have a natural meandering conversation, then write it all down later. One story will usually cause a bunch of small side stories to be remembered and told spontaneously, if you create an environment that allows it.
My mom is only 48, but when she went to Catholic school as a kid, was beaten with rulers for using “the devil’s hand” and now she’s ambidextrous.
Maybe ask her where she was and how she felt about various historical events…JFK, WWII, the Sixites, Watergate…whatever would be age appropriate, going back to their childhood. My dad was born in 1938, and remembers some lean early Christmases…where he really got only cardboard puzzles/toys, because of the rationing of just about everything for the war effort.
A grandmother remembered getting an orange or a tangerine in the toe of her Christmas stocking as a special treat, because it wasn’t easy or cheap to get citrus fruit in the rural South when she was little.
If there’s a college or university near you try contacting their anthropology department for assistance. I’m working on a long term project gathering life stories from residents in the local area and we have an “instrument” (list of questions and prompt props) that helps us keep the interview on track and gather the important info in a relaxed and organic conversation.
Also if your mom has any interest in writing maybe look for a memoir or personal history class she could take?
I’d love to take that approach, but knowing my Mom, she wouldn’t know where to start. I need a way to break it up into smaller portions so it’s more manageable.
What would you ask your parents? Grandparents?
The StoryCorps website is a great start, thanks so much for that link, blondebear.
I’m sorry that I can’t really help there. Whenever I tried to ask my father, my uncle or my grandparents about life in the old country, their answer was pretty much “If we’d liked it there, we would have stayed.”
I did something similar with my Dad, when he was ill. Learned a lot about his family that I had never known. I did have one of those “fill in the blank” books which was good for prompting things to ask.
I would love to ask my grandparents things like how they met, what their home life was like; I found a letter from my maternal grandmother to her father, mentioning this Mr. S. she was interested in (Mr. S. being grandfather). I suspect there are stories about that that I’d love to hear. Unfortunately, I never knew either of them.
Ask about old photos they may have stashed away, and go through them and ask about when/where they were taken. I have one of my paternal grandmother as a young woman, looking quite the glamor gal. I’d love to know about that.
My family did this at a gathering once - got Grandma and Grandpa to sit down in front of a video camera while everyone asked questions. It was just very autobiographical at first: where were you born, what were your first years like, where did you go to school, etc. Just guide them through, I guess.
My own grandparents never needed much prompting but here are some topics I liked hearing about.
What things they did in high school
Learning to drive. (Grandma learned on a farm when the driving age was “as soon as you’re tall enough to reach the pedals”, and grandpa learned in NYC after they were married because she couldn’t imagine being married to someone who couldn’t drive.)
They had interesting stories about WWII so ask about any event like that which lines up with your mom’s age.
If things are good between her and your dad you can ask about how they met and early dates.
How did she spend time with her friends? My mom carried a little suitcase like box of 45s to her friends’ houses and they listened to records and smoked cigarettes which they bought from a machine at the diner for a quarter a pack.
Ask if there are any interesting relatives she thinks you ought to know about. What did she hear from her own mother growing up.
Did she go to college? What did she study?
Did her life turn out the way she thought it would?
Does she have any hobbies? How did they start? Did she have different ones when she was younger?
What did it cost to see a movie when she was in high school.
Did she ever get involved in a political campaign?
Does she live in or near the town she grew up in? How has it changed. Or of she doesn’t, how is it different?
Does she have brothers and sisters? Siblings usually generate stories.
Talking over photos is a great idea. Sometimes my mom will look at what I’m seeing as a baby picture of my sister and go off on a tangent about when and where they bought that couch, or who gave the outfit as a gift.