Help me look up an obscene insult in the Bible(in Judges/Samuel)

I seem to recall that King Saul called David’s mother something nasty in Judges or Samuel, but I can’t seem to remember what it was exactly, so I can’t look it up. Can anybody help?

Also, are there any other(if I’m not imagining this one) examples of obscene speech in the Bible?

Would it be Jonathan’s mother?

Yeah, I think that’s it. Thanks!

David also has something of a spat with his wife (for dancing naked in front of slave-girls) in II Samuel 6. But David was actually celebrating before the Lord, so his wife is made barren for arguing with him.

In I Samuel 18:25-27, Saul demands a rather unusual brideprice when David asks to marry his daughter, Michal.

The dirtiest Bible verse I’ve yet seen is Ezekiel 23:20.

Speaking of Ezekiel, there’s a brand of bread called ‘Ezekiel 4:9’. I looked this up, and discovered that it must be bread made with wheat, barley, beans, lentils, millet and fitches. The problem is with the context: it seems that God’s recipe is meant as a punishment. Ezekiel has to eat this bread for 390 days to atone for the iniquity of Israel, and he has to bake it with ‘dung that cometh out of a man’. (Fortunately, Ezekiel says that he’s always kept kosher, and God gives him cow dung to use instead.) I assume, though, that Ezekiel 4:9 bread is cooked with electricity or gas.

I’m not sure about in Judges or Samuel, but I seem to remember a recently discover lost scroll that went something like:

*And Saul bespoke unto David: David, Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, No Professionals.”

Yo momma so ugly they filmed, “Gorillas in the Mist,” in her shower.

Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours…for a quote!
Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo momma so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, "STOP THAT TWINKIE!! "

Yo momma fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

Yo momma so fat her belly button’s got an echo.

Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo momma so poor, she bounces food stamps!!

Yo Momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, and she said, “Moving.”

Yo Momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people’s fingers!

Yo Momma so poor I walked into your house and 3 roaches tripped me & tried to take my wallet!

Not sure if that’s what you were looking for.

Ezekiel 23:20 is better than those. Really, look it up.

I should warn that it’s not a family-friendly part of the Bible. If it was in any other book, you’d have to be 18 to read it.

Actually, no. If it was in any other book, it’d be illegal to read it.

What’s the point of making a hide-and-seek operation out of it?
The verse goes “For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.”

I thought this was way hotter. I mean, worse. Yeah, worse. :wink:

I think I saw that on a Girls Gone Wild ad this morning.

Here’s a link to the whole chapter.

More Biblical filth.

That’s one interpretation (probably the most obvious one), but I heard a sermon in which the preacher inferred that David and his wife slept in separate beds from that point on.

Well, this forum is sometimes sensitive about that sort of thing, so I thought I’d just provide the reference without saying what it was. Thudlow Boink: IIRC it simply said that she never had any children, so maybe it was because they just didn’t sleep together after that.