Ok, there’s this random guy who comes through our McDonald’s fairly often, and he always leaves us a little tract or thought about the Lord, like: “Keep in mind today that Jesus is your savior! have a great day!” or “Jesus will forgive your sins! have a great day!” (they always end with “have a great day”). I’m trying to think of the funniest thing I could possibly say (that ends with “have a great day”, of course). So far, my favorite is “Satan will rise again! have a great day!”. Any help?
“Great, because I’m thinkin’ about committing a real doozy tonight!”
Do you want any fries with that?
There’s a problem though… it’s always breakfast time.
I know your favorite TV shows, your momma’s maiden name, your address, your favorite pets name, HI I AM YOU IP,
HAVE A NICE DAY
“Tell him I ain’t forgiving him that five bucks he stil owes me. Have a great day!”
“Keep in mind today that Jesus is your savior! have a great day!”
Keep in mind that he can’t stop me from spitting in your hashbrowns?
Well, um …
Do you want to get fired or something?
(I am not saying you should be fired if you come up with a retort, mind you; I personally think fast food employees should have the right to wail on customers because, well, customers are assholes.)
Granted this guy may have a sense of humor but if he doesn’t, and talks to your boss, you may end up sniffing around Hardee’s to see if they’re hiring.
This is McDonald’s, of course, and it’s not like they’re paying you what you’re worth or anything, so maybe it’s worth it to you.
I’ve seen people fired for less shrug
“I’ve given up McSinning for McLent.”
I was working part time at this camera store, and a regular customer was this matronly woman who always ended what she was saying with “Praise the Lord.”
It had no meaning at all the way she would say it.
So, one day, I decided to further the conversation. When she made sure I knew that she and her husband were “very involved” in the local Church of the Servant (a rather well off group of social Christians ((yes, I had checked it out)) ), I let go with my horribly shocked and offended look and queried very loudly,
“Chuch of the Serpent?! Are you a Satanist?!”
She was flusterred, flabbergasted, and flumuxxed, in addition to being truly horrified.
We didn’t lose her patronage, but she tended to make sure I didn’t wait on her. 
The manager loved it, btw.
One might reply to “Praise the Lord,” by smiling and saying, “Yes, praise Lord Vishnu.” I’m told that the Hindu gesture to go with it is: palms together in front of the face, and a nod (slight bow) which means, “The god in me greets the god in you.” It might occur to the customer, later, to be baffled by a Hindu dealing beef. Bafflement, though, is the whole program.
Should I use the orthodox Jewish smilie? Nah. I’m neither Hindu nor Jewish.
Cthulu hasn’t eaten you yet! Rejoice!
How about “Cthulhu is coming!” in a very cheerful voice?
Maybe print some pamphlets out: http://www.locksley.com/cthulhu/index2.htm
“Well, Jesus sure fucked this cow over. Enjoy your Big Mac.”
I think we’ve found a winner, here!
Or, “May the Great Old One Cthulhu spare you when he awakes!”
“Yes, but the Invisible Purple Unicorn grants believers wishes, which is far cooler than forgiveness. Have a nice day!”
“Oh, good. I hope that forgiveness thing covers my having hacked in your Big 'n Tasty. Have a nice day!”
Bullwinkle, that was magical. stands ovates
Please, please…Just email money.
Another vote for this one, that’s just priceless.
Am I strange for having read that as ‘stands ovulates’? I don’t know if Orange Skinner is even capable of that last one.