We have a Manifestation on the concrete wall in the stairwell at work. It’s a remarkably accurate picture of a partially erect penis, complete with testicles; the perspective is such that it’s coming RIGHT…AT…YOU!! The detail is amazing; you can tell it’s circumsized. Sadly, I don’t have access to a digital camera or I’d post pictures.
My crew (consisting of a flaming gay atheist, a lax Methodist married to an Asatru, a devout Catholic, a loud brash ballsy broad to whom the phrase “Heaven doesn’t want her and Hell is afraid she’ll take over” very aptly applies, and little ol’ pagan me) would like to start a Cult of the Watermark Willie. Our theme song is going to be Monty Python’s “Isn’t It Awfully Nice to Have a Penis.” Activity Night will be on alternate Mondays, when we’ll sing our song and make condom balloon animals.
I need help coming up with a Mythos for the Mystical Watermark Willie. Also a list of traits the Willie possesses, Miracles it can perform, and emails we can sent to our co-workers to combat the never-ending deluge of Jesus spam we keep getting (disclaimer: we have no intention of actually sending religious penis spam, but it’s fun to think about). Help us to become obnoxious Witnesses to the Willie. If our fund-raising drive is successful we will soon be able to give toaster ovens to every new convert.
The Supreme Being, the Giant Mushroom Head (all hail!), is the original giver-of-life. He lives somewhere in Washington State, and has been unseen for millenia, but his presence has recently been made known via a stained wall.
He has decreed that his likeness be called Watermark Willie, since it’s really a pain in the ass to always have to say ‘all hail!’ whenever you say his real name, the Giant Mushroom Head (all hail!).
Our creation story: Millions of years ago the Giant Mushroom Head (all hail!) plunged head-first into the warm, soft nether-regions of Mother Earth. He pounded her and pounded her until the life-giving seed erupted from his Giant Mushroom Head (all hail!). The Mass Conception took place on Monday, August 15. Mondays are the cult’s sabbath.
The Birth of Mankind took place about nine months later when the first lifeform came squirting out of the Mother’s Primordial Cooze (all hail!). The birth was a little premature, so the Earth Birth is celebrated on May 2-- the highest of the holy days. (There were 364 holy days originally, but in the Middle Ages, the monks realized that the one non-holy day was such an anomily, that they made it a holy day too.)
The Giant Mushroom Head (all hail!) has also stated that a likeness of the Mother’s Primordial Cooze (all hail!) will manifest itself as a stain on the tub of a Cuban in early 2007. It shall be called “Rust Stain Poontang.”