Is the world cold and selfish? Are there monsters under your bed? Daddy didn’t hug you enough? Whatever the reason, we’re starting a cult, you and I.
:):) It’s a veritable CULT BONANZA! :):)
We’re not content to merely found a pyramid scheme or steal old lady’s retirement checks, oh no! We’re going all out! The sky’s the limit for people with drive and passion just like us! But starting a cult isn’t easy! We’re going to need a plan. We’ll need a catchy name, a mission statement, a cult structure and lots of Kool-Aid.
STEP ONE: What’s OUR goal?!
Well, what is it? That’s too broad of a question for you? I like your style. Well, why are we starting this damn thing?
[ul]
[li]“I want to make lots and lots of money!”[/li][li]“I want to control people!”[/li][li]“I want to achieve enlightenment!”[/li][li]“I want to make contact with extra-terrestrial life or beings from another dimension!”[/li][li]“I want to destroy stuff!”[/li][/ul]
STEP TWO: What’s the incentive?!
Well, what is it? That’s too broad of a question for you? I like your style. Well, why are we telling people that they should join?
It doesn’t matter what you pick, they’re all lies anyway!
[ul]
[li]“You’ll make lots and lots of money!”[/li][li]“You’ll be enlightened!”[/li][li]“You’ll make contact with extra-terrestrial life or beings from another dimension!”[/li][li]“Stuff is evil and you’ll get to help me destroy it on account of how evil it is!”[/li][li]Fuck it, let’s kidnap 'em.[/ul][/li]
STEP THREE: What’s the catchy name?!
Well, what is it? Come on, think on it! What, you’ve thought of one? I like your style. Well, what are we telling people the name of our cult- ahem, organization is?
STEP FOUR: Think of something?!
Well, what is it? Tell me what you’ve got in mind! What, you’ve thought of something? I like your style. Well, what is it?
We’ll tabulate the results and move onto PHASE TWO, where we’ll come up with some group structure, maybe a dash of hierarchy, a pinch of initiation ideas and a whole cup of belief systems! After that, we’re onto finding a location for our headquarters and getting some capital!
This is Father Melon signing off, to the moon, the stars and BEYOND!