I’m having this surgery on November 29. I’m not feeling that nervous yet, mostly just excited and impatient.
This is where you come in. We have to get me more stressed out! I mean, what is the worst that could happen?
…they could accidently hook up my intestines in a mobius-esque loop and I’d just retain everything I ate forever and ever until I exploded…
…it could be take-your-kids-to-work day and my surgeon lets his 4 year old daughter do part of my surgery…
I could be doing the surgery. With the gloves I used to dye your hair. Using the gankiest knife I can find from the leftovers at the Ginsu factory.
They’ll think they’re working on another patient and they’ll resect your liver instead of your stomach, remove your appendix, do a little liposuction and attempt to repair a herniated spinal disc, leaving you in intensive care for four months following the surgery.
Oops, did I go too far?
What you don’t want to hear while coming out of the aenesthsia (SP!): The power of Christ COMPELS you!!! The power of christ COMPELS you!!! The power of Christ COMPELS you!!!
The surgeon will be in the middle of a 2 week long cocaine and alcohol bender.
“Opal, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news.”
“What’s that, doctor?”
“Well, we really rewired your plumbing, and, well…”
“What?!?”
“It’s a bit, umm, backwards. See, instead of eating, you’ll have to take your food and insert it, uhh… Well, let’s just say that, from now on, when someone says you’re talking shit, they’re just being factual.”
[sub]Sorry. You asked.[/sub]
Jim Russell could impersonate your surgeon and do to you what he did to this steer.
But it wouldn’t be all bad. It’d make it easy to watch what you eat.
(best wishes on your surgery, Opal)
Did they have to jam a tube through your nose and down your throat while you were fully conscious to diagnose this? That’s what happened shortly before I had stomach surgery last year.
Actually, I was sedated for my EGD which was done at the same time (but hopefully with a different tube) as my colonoscopy. Thank god.
And it wasn’t “diagnosed”… I’m having a voluntary weight loss surgery proceedure. 
I think the thing I’d be most worried about would be that I would wind up as one of those people you hear about sometimes who are given the anesthetic and go limp and everything, but in fact remain conscious and alert to pain the entire time they’re “out,” just completely unable to in any way tell the doctors that they’re still awake … feeling every move of the scalpel through their flesh, every searing touch of the cauterizer, every pierce of the needle when they sew you back up.
But that probably won’t happen to you.
Just a reminder- it’s very bad when you wake from the anasthetic and the nurse says "hello, Sir!"
Knead, I had a rather invasive spine surgery done about a year ago - my first time ever under a skalpal - and let me tell you, I was scared to death about it.
Not just what you said, but also of them doing something wrong - I’d never be able to walk again.
While I wish Opal well in this and that it has the desired affect, I think voluntary surgery is pretty screwey.
Veil gluck, bon chance, and you’re crazy.
Opal, most of this is pretty amusing, but if I may be permitted to get serious for a moment: I am considering having similar surgery, so I hope you’ll keep us posted on how it’s going.
Also, having had several major surgeries (3 C-sections, gall-bladder removal and 3 kidney stone removals), I’ll tell you that while the thought of surgery can be frightening, it’s not terrible. General anesthesia makes you feel like crap for a couple of days. And of course, there was the time that the anasthesiologist (sp?), waited too long to remove the breathing tube, and I was already conscious and it made my puke. . .ewww. But now, when the anesth. . .drug doc asks about complications, I mention that episode and they’re more cautious.
Best of luck!!
Here’s hoping you don’t see the crew from the Bloopers TV show setting up in your OR… :eek:
Well see that explains your weight gain right there…
Say hello to your new baby boy. Well, he’s 2 years old…so “exactly” a baby…
Dr. Howard!
Dr. Fine!
Dr. Howard!
Report to surgery.
[sound of chainsaw starting up]
I’ve been under general anesthesia…um… 3 or 4 times, I guess it is. I’ve never even gotten the headache that people complain of. I’ve already had major surgery, too, for my appendix. I’m not really scared so much as excited
And you can be sure that I’ll be keeping everyone updated! I have a page for it here: http://fathom.org/opalcat/wls.html
“Hi, everybody!”
“Hi, Dr. Nick!”
“Oh, the stomach’s connected to the…sinus.
Oh, the red things connected to the…wrist watch.”
“Dad gum, Cletus! Hain’t I told yew to keep that dawg o’yers out’n the operatin’ room? Done pissed in the auterclave!”