This is good. All of it is good. Maybe not shingles tho’
This is where an SO comes in really handy.
“AAAH, really sorry, but I’ve just been in formed that my wife has already made plans for that date. Sorry, she forgot to write it on the calendar.”
Now you’re insulting their house for being to small! Or they might invite themselves to your house. 
Yes, but you wouldn’t say that 3 days before the event when you were told about the event 3 weeks ago, though SanVito’s SO gambit has potential.
It’s a matter of appearance, something the OP is interested in maintaining with a plausible lie. One doesn’t maintain the appearance of wanting to attend the family function by saying “Your party looked like it was going to suck, so I got tickets to the movies instead.”
I would argue that saying you have other plans is one of those things that is always true. You always have some sort of plan for what you’re going to do, even if that plan is “figure out something to do.” Saying “I have plans” is always saying “I would rather do something else,” as, if you didn’t, you’d cancel those other plans.
Yes, even in the “I’d really love to go, but I have an obligation” situation. You’d rather maintain that obligation than to go.
Do you see what I mean?
I doubled that - 1,700 miles
What about next year, and the year after that?
And I think the best lie would fit your life situation. At work we take turns being on call for holidays and I got Thanksgiving this year. I have to be available if I get a phone call.
(in reality, it’s someone else on call, and even if I was on call then I could bring a laptop and connect with a hotspot if needed - but they don’t need to know that)
Best post in the thread, the rest of us can just be quiet now (she wrote, preparing to type out a long answer).
What I would probably do in that situation is go for a very short period of time - max 2 hours, maybe just an hour. I positively loathe most social gatherings even when the people are nice, and plot to get out of them if I can, so I understand that you don’t want to go. However, being a grown-up means acknowledging that sometimes you have to just suck it up, because it’s the right thing to do and may make other people happier.
The fact they have planned to do something the day after Thanksgiving when you have neatly avoided the Thanksgiving event suggests to me that they are scheduling this event especially because they want to see you. So here is a serious question: would it really kill you to go spend an hour or two with people, if it would gladden them/make them feel you care about them? Not everything we do in life has to be about our own pleasure and priorities. Sometimes we suffer a little for others.
I know that sounds sanctimonious - sorry. It’s just something to think about. If all of people involved have a history of being unkind to you, or are generally self-centered and unreasonable, you owe them nothing.
The answer is obvious: Back to DC.
This is that doctor joke isn’t it? My doctor told me to walk 10 miles a day for two weeks, for my health, and then call him with an update. He asks How are you? and I reply I’m 140 miles from home, what do I do now? 
but what if they actually have a metal roof?
I would RSVP, offer to bring something that can be done without, then on the day of, call and tell them you have the flu, explosive diarrhea, or a bad case of highly contagious scabies.
“I’d love to come! You don’t mind if I bring Jell-O and amoebic dysentary, do you?”
There was an amusing article about Mexican weddings in a recent Economist. These weddings are big, and most Mexicans can’t afford or don’t want to go to the dozen weddings they get invited to each year. But they always say yes, and then forty percent cancel at the last minute. It is said car crashes and nanny problems are popular excuses, but my favourite: “changing circumstances”. Indeed.
I got lucky. My fella has to work Friday, he’s on deadline to complete a build. So taking some food over to the thing, saying hi, fixing him a plate and I’M OUT.
Because I am a dutiful partner. 
Nobody mentioned the great opportunity for a very plausible excuse of new job sitting at the top of the page with a trumpet? 
Happy (and hopefully soothing and peaceful as well) Thanksgiving DummyGladHands
and in reality, my BIL is on call most holidays, probably including today. And he comes anyway. If his phone rings, he may have to go. I think it happened, once. He’s bringing a lot of food.
That’s a decent way to split the difference.
It worked the first time for a while, do it again. I have done it twice. One time it was 625 miles the next time it was 1300 miles. So far no one has followed me here into the mountains. Thirty years & counting.
I am also not opposed to my family considering me the “Jerk” of the family. If that keeps their silly drama out of my life, I’m all for it!
IHTH, 48.
And… he got called. And the call came in the morning, when it would have been easy for him to take care of it, but his boss assumed he was eating at noon, and didn’t tell him until just now. (We were planning to eat at 6.) He’s promised to bring a lot of the food. He will come after he fixes someone’s heat, and we will juggle the food prep. My sister will do some of the cooking he was going to do.
Yeah, “on call” does not mean “can’t join the family”.
We ended up eating a little later than expected. He came, with a lot of food.
Today I am thankful that I like my family, and we get along well with each other.
Four years ago (I’m 69) I had enough. If I don’t want to go, I simply say no thank you. If I go, I spend an hour or so and then simply state, “The time I have allotted for this event has expired”. I take the car and my wife gets a ride or I Uber. These are friends and I have explained I am an introvert and reach my social threshold in short order. They are not insulted. Same with family. If they do get insulted, too bad.
Look, it is your life. We are talking social functions not funeral home viewings.
Whew, quick in and out, got there early to explain to host and hostess that I needed to slip out early.
5 fucking little dogs running around. There were 7 old people, I mean older than me, and somewhat frail, and 5 fucking little dogs underfoot.
And a visibly ill (snot running down his face) toddler. His baby sister was too sick to bring. Jeez.
On to xmas.