Please help me fix this sentence. It is for a science museum exhibit about robotic vehicles:
Here is my revision:
“Our track is a 78-foot-long continuous oval loop with a pull-off ramp to a three-bay charging station.”
Are there too many hyphens? Is the comma needed? Should I rephrase it? Do you think anyone will even care?
“Our track is a 78-foot-long continuous oval loop with a pull-off ramp to a three-bay charging station.”
This is how I’d say it: “Our track is an oval loop 78 feet in length, with an exit ramp leading to a charging station occupying three bays.” (Or possibly consisting, depending on the situation.
I think your version is perfect. The comma is optional, definitely not necessary in this sentence.
You don’t need the hyphen between 78 and foot, nor between foot and long. If you wanted, you could write it as “78’ long” but that’s not necessary.
I’d write it as “Our track is a 78’ long continuous oval loop with a pull-off ramp leading to a three-bay charging station.” I think you need to add the word “leading” to make the sentence more clear.
“Our track is a 78-foot-long continuous oval loop with a pull-off ramp to a three-bay charging station.”
How about “Our 78-foot-long continuous oval loop track has a pull-off ramp to a three-bay charging station.”
Yes you do.
I think the “original revision” is fine, but I’m curious about what you mean by a “pull-off ramp”. For one thing, is it a standard term in the industry? (i.e., will your readers know what it is without having to think about it?) If not, you might want to add some verbiage to more clearly indicate what you mean. As it is, the phrase could be read to imply that it’s the ramp that pulls off the main track.
To be further nitpicky, what do you mean by “78-foot-long”? Again, depending on how you read it, the phrase could mean (a) doing one loop around the track means you traverse 78 feet (I’m pretty sure this is what you mean), or (b) the long axis of the oval is 78 feet, which means the lap length would be double that.
Come to think of it, you prolly don’t need to say “continuous” (as noted by dwalin), unless that’s a specific term in the industry.
This may be out of context in relation to the full message, but seems more clear (At least to my instincts and ear.).
“This continous loop oval track is 78 feet long and the track’s exit ramp leads to a three bay charging station.”
Does it work?
It seems to me that both “78-foot-long” and “continuous oval loop” are both adjectives, and consecutive adjectives should be, IIRC, separated (sp?) by a comma.
For example, if you took out the length, the beginning should be worded:
“Our track is a continuous, oval loop with…”
With that in mind, I’d add commas as follows:
“Our track is a 78-foot-long, continuous oval loop, with a pull-off ramp to a three-bay charging station.”
Really, the wording is just awful. Can you split it into two sentences?
Nope, this is incorrect (or at least worse than the original). There shouldn’t be a comma there.
Agree, except I’d leave in the “78-foot” hyphen, just for clarity – “78-foot-long” there functions as an adjectival phrase modifying “loop.”
Our 78-foot, continuous oval loop track has a pull-off ramp to a three-bay charging station and four lasers that can cut a cow in two in less that 4 seconds.
Ignore everyone!!