I have this “friend” and I don’t know what to do anymore. I say friend because we’ve known each other for around 12 years now, we work together on a daily basis, and I do believe she considers me her best friend. I confide in her, etc.
Here’s the problem. She is the biggest manupilator I have ever known. And they funny thing is, I honestly do not think she is aware of this, and were it to be pointed out to her, she would be completely shocked and upset. It’s like this perfectly natural thing about her.
Background: She’s the youngest of 5, with 4 older brothers, the closest in age being about 10 years her senior. So she was one of those “late arrivals”. As I result, I believe that she has spent the last 38 years of her life with her parents and brothers and relatives catering to her every whim. To her, it’s the way life has been. The funniest thing about all of this is that everyone recognizes what a user she is, however, no one ever ever says anything to her. I’m guilty of this, obviously, because I’m complaining her instead of confronting her about it.
Here’s the latest incident that sparked off what happened today: She’s going out of town on a business conference in March, and because she waited until now, and obviously can’t do it herself, there were no hotel rooms left on site. So she calls me, and asks if I can do a search on the internet and find any overlooked rooms. Her only request is that she must be within walking distance of the hotel (Marriott) because she doesn’t want to drive and worry about parking. It was really no big deal - I truly don’t have a thing to do at work right now - and I spent about 45 minutes searching, and came up several hotels that were about 5 miles away, and one LaQuinta on the same block - that was only $100. When she next called in later, I told her this, and she just about died. Never ever would she stay at a LaQuinta, they were gross, it had outside rooms, it was disgusting and she would not tolerate a disgusting hotel. (I guess I’m trailer trash for even making the suggestion, huh?) I told her that it was the only option and besides it was cheap and I’d stayed at one several times and they were fine. Absolutely not, she’d pay the $300 for the Embassy on the other corner. She then mentions that her mom and niece were going and the whole point was so that they could have a relaxing mini-vacation without having to worry about the hotel and the filth they were in. When I mentioned that then she could split the bill 3 ways, making it worth while, oh no, the company is paying for the whole thing, because “it’s in their best interests that she attend this meeting and if they don’t like it, then she won’t go.” Of course, she’ll never mention this to them.
That’s all fine and well, I told her she would have to find her own place, as everything else within a 5-mile radius was booked. She calls back and is excited about finding a Hilton with a room for $129. I asked where - 5 miles from the conference. I asked her did she not remember me saying that was the closest, and she said that it didn’t matter, she’d found what she needed, and…get this…now she needed me to call them and ask what time checkin was, because she didn’t see the number on the confirmation that she printed out, and could I find it and call.
I told her no. Over the phone, I walked her through how to get to the yellowpages in the internet and made her call herself.
Now, do you think she got the hint? No. This morning, she calls
me and tells me (it’s always couched as a request, but it isn’t) that she needs me to print out her calendar and give it to her assistant so that when they meet today she’ll have it, and oh by the way, go into her office and find her binder and get it to the girl to bring as well. I’m on the other side of the building and her assistant sits two feet from her door.
I printed the calendar as a pdf file, emailed it to her assistant and told her that she needed to get the binder. I told my friend that when I got a chance, I would go in and give her assistant proxy to her calendear so that next time she could do it, and she told me that she didn’t want to do that because she didn’t think the girl was computer-savvy enough to figure out how to do it, since she herself couldn’t do it. I’m going to do it anyway and I’ll teach her how to do it - she’s smart enough she could figure it out, and if not, then she doesn’t need to be an assistant.
Did I do the right thing? My H says no, I should have said flat out that I didn’t have time (no biggie to point and click) and that her assistant was the one who should handle it. I say that, in this situation because we work together, that it can’t be as blunt as that, but must be more gradual. Any ideas?
I’d add a middle finger smilie, but can’t find one…