As some of you may know, I am editing my college’s literary magazine (in fact, I’m the only student worker.) On the back page I want to have a little dedication “blahblah art is good blahblah thanks for submitting.” etc.
I’m having a bitch of a time writing it – who knew half-a-dozen sentences would be so damned difficult? Plus my brain is still fried from finals last week and a semester of 22 credits before that, so I’ve lost the ability to tell whether or not what I’m writing is any good. I’ve written up a draft, and I need yous guyses help to make it more gooder. Please, please help.
Here’s what I’ve got so far:
“What really counts is to strip the soul naked. Painting or poetry is made as we make love; a total embrace, prudence thrown to the wind, nothing held back.” – Joan Miro
The creative impulse is a passionate response to life, so intense that we are compelled to commemorate it by creating something beautiful. Inspiration is contagious; it is a germ in the air we breathe. The more beauty there is in the world, the more we will be inspired to create more beauty. Whether you write, paint, dance, or whatever, art enriches our own lives and the lives of those around us.
My thanks to everyone who submitted to Mosaic, and to all the creative souls out there. You help to make Northland joyful and beautiful; keep up the good work.
This is what I think of it:
I really like the quote. If all else fails, I might ditch everything else and just have to quote.
The first sentence is about as graceful as trying to waltz with a live duck in your pants. Believe it or not, this is the best of the twenty-hundred-thousand versions I’ve written. What I’m trying to say is that the desire to make art comes from an intense love and appreciation for the beauty around us, and so you’re compelled to make your own beauty as a kind of dedication. I honestly believe that all art originates from some kind of beauty, but I also realize that my personal definition of “beauty” is wildly different than most peoples, so I’m having mucho difficulty wording this sentence in a coherent yet poetic form. I need the most help with this sentence.
I dig the second sentence. It’s not terribly original, but I think it’s clever as hell. But I’m not sure how many people will get the etymologic connection between “inspiration” and “breathe”…
Sentence #3: Uhg. Too much “beauty.” This sentence isn’t terribly graceful, either.
Sentence #4: I hate the word “whatever” with the proverbial fire of a thousand suns.
Sentences #5 & #6: I’m okay with these. Except that I used the “beautiful” word again. Somebody give me a good synonym.
Overall: Does this have any flow at all? It makes a vague kind of sense in my head, but I’m too brain-dead at the moment to know whether or not this comes out.
Any and all feedback is appreciated. Be honest; be brutal.