For easter this year I’m doing a culinary passion play. My Duck (here after referred to as JC) is gong to be scourged to help render out some of the sub cutaneous fats, be given a crown of thorns, primarily rosemary, thyme and marjoram, have its wings affixed to a cedar plank cross, to roast in an upright position and be joined by two cornish hens on their own crosses. One, I believe, will accept JC as his savior, at least in the next world, in this world I’m gonna eat both down to the bones. Any suggestions on roasting time/temp, cedar plank cross construction, should I offer JC some water before he gets nailed to a tree? Feel free to offer your own suggestions, even if it is to suggest I’m going straight to Heck.
I don’t know about that, but wine mixed with vinegar would probably make a good marinade/baste.
And yes, this is oh so very wrong, but you knew that already.
Don’t forget to, uh, bring the duck back up after it’s been in the dark for three days.
(I used to do a table centerpiece of a plush bunny nailed to a cross. Perhaps you might do something along those lines as well?)
Confit fits the bill. Use the legs, bury them (in fat) for three days, make a nice salad with it and some garlic couscous (Israeli of course)
Don’t forget to give it a good gash in the side to test when “it is finished.”
And you should play Yahtzee or some other dice game while you’re waiting for it to be done.
Of course. Play some roll-the-rock music, too.
Make sure you wash your hands. Do you have a chicken you can pardon?
And take pictures if this actually DOES occur!
No suggestions but I must join in stating that you have proposed the Best. Easter. Dinner. Ever.
Do let us know if thy house is smote by plagues, though, before anyone replicates it 
Update, please. Was it delicious? Or did you walk into the kitchen only to find your oven with its door thrown open and an empty roasting pan?
and did you serve it with a side of rabbit?