Help! Recipe for a shitty cook required

[Left_Hand_of_Dorkness]

@fifty-six

Pasta is really easy for almost anyone to pull off and the measurements need not be exact. And you can make it fancy just by the ingredients you purchase.

I you have a nice gourmet grocery store get some cool looking pasta. Any shape or color or length you like.

Some good bread.

Buy some fresh basil, a jar of chopped garlic, some nice olive oil, a tomato, some fort of nice green vegetable(asparags, snap peas, spinach.)

First, I’m glad your recipe worked–cheese fondue sounds perfect!

Second, I wanna share my riff on this recipe. Years ago we were at the beach and had a bunch of fresh seafood plus some other ingredients and put this together:

1. Boil some linguine according to the directions on the package.
2. Grate some peel off of a lemon (gently, so you don’t get the pith). You can also cut it off in strips as long as the first knuckle of your pinky; just don’t get the nouns in that sentence mixed up.
3. Melt some butter in a pan.
4. Add the lemon peel and stir it around so it gets fragrant, maybe 30 seconds or so.
5. Add some asparagus, maybe a half-pound, that you’ve cut into 3-inch or so pieces. Stir around for maybe 4-5 minutes.
6. Add 2 or so cloves crushed garlic and stir around for another minute or so.
7. Add about 1/4 pound small scallops (I sometimes can only find jumbo scallops, so I’ll cry at the waste as I cut them into little pieces) and stir around for another minute or so.
8. Add 1/2 pound shrimp (and here the quality of the shrimp really matters: if you can find wild-caught, do it!) and stir around for 3-4 minutes.
9. If you want, you can add about 1/2 cup shredded parmesan, 1/2 cup chopped parsley, and/or 1/2 cup white wine. I recommend all of them.
10. Add some salt, maybe 1/2 teaspoon, and taste; add more if you need it. Also add pepper.
11. Throw the cooked linguine in with the lemon garlic seafood.

With a salad and a glass of white wine, this is our romantic vacation dinner. All amounts are approximations; really it’s just throwing stuff in.

[dnooman]

I’m gonna be laughed out of here for this suggestion, but what the hell.

Easy as hell Shrimp Scampi:

Buy 3 things:

Pasta (linguine, thin spaghetti or angel hair, your choice)

Decent Parmesan: Parmesan/Romano mix, real cheese, not the white powder you get in a Kraft green shaker. I get the $4 stuff in a jar and it suffices.

Frozen Shrimp Scampi: I get the Sea Pak kind because it’s what’s available, it’s often under $5 for a two person serving.

I like to start both the pasta and the Scampi at the same time, keeping the shrimp warm until the pasta is done or vice versa if the pasta is done first. It depends on the pasta type used. Linguine and angel hair cook differently.

The caveman instructions would be "Cook pasta and Scampi to box directions, don’t let anything get cold, add a bit of cooking liquid from Scampi to pasta and toss. Add all the shrimp, and as much liquid as you see fit. Sprinkle with Parmesan/Romano/Mix whatever.
When I say liquid here, it’s pretty much oil, but it isn’t oil added to the cooking process.

Serve with garlic bread if you’re a garlic fan like I am, or maybe something contrasting like prosciutto with melon.

[Chefguy]

@Really_Not_All_That_Bright

Swooning accomplished. I owe you and everyone else in the thread many, many beers.

Happy I could get you laid.

[TriPolar]

@pulykamell

I’m not so sure about that distinction. The latter I’ve aways heard chefs refer to as “deep frying,” not just frying. As mentioned above sauteeing involves moving the food around, and it also generally involves small, cut-up ingredients rather than larger ones like pan frying does.

For example, you might fry up some pork chops or hamburgers or eggs. You sautee chopped onions and vegetables. You might shallow fry (where the meat is partially submerged in oil and then flipped) Southern-style fried chicken or your might deep fry fried chicken (when you dump the entire piece under oil.) I’ve personally never heard frying on its own to specifically mean “deep frying,” by anything other than context.

I think of pan-frying as being just a bit different than sauteing. In saute you are going to be moving the food around a lot, and it’s often smaller pieces, and there may be additional cooking steps involved such as flaming or reducing a sauce. Pan-frying often is just letting a piece of meat sear and form a crust, then flipping to the other side. But the distinction is minor, and really unimportant since it won’t lead to confusion.

A better distinction might be made between a frying pan, usually with straight slight slanted sides, and a saute pan where the sides should curve up, making it easier to toss food as it cooks. Still either one will do most of the time.

I don’t know of any cooks who would not specify deep frying or make in obvious in context to distinquish from pan-frying or sauteing.

[stoplight]

Me thinks simple is best for somebody not so bright…hehehehe
Seared Ahi
get yerself some yellowfin or bluefin loins…not steaks, loins.
coat the bottom of a skillet with olive oil and put the heat on medium high
on the loins put Kosher salt, that will add a nice crust and any other season you think might be good, fish seasoning always works well.
Oil is hot, put the loins in for 30-45 seconds per side, idea is to sear each side but not cook all the way through. Once each side is done, put on a plate, cover with clear wrap and refrigerate immediately and for at least an hour.
Slice and serve with wasabi and soy sauce mixed together. OH MY…
side dish
a green salad
and oven roasted asparagus.
on a cookie shoot layout your asparagus, sprinkle with some olive oil, salt, pepper and parmasan cheese. in the oven for about 12 min. at 400

[Really_Not_All_That_Bright]

Do fish have loins?

[stoplight]

yes sir, steak are cut from the loin, its a three sided slab,