Oh yeah, that’s awful. I’m fine with an entry and “Good morning,” but that doesn’t require an answer, just quiet attention.
You know what’s even worse? When someone greets a bunch of people (all living in mainland US) with “Aloha!” And expects everyone to answer. And they always do, too, with “Alo-HA!” And then the person tells them to do better. “Alo-HA!” they all cry. Argh.
Well, try this.
You answer the first time with a neutral “Good morning.”
Someone complains that your answer lacks feeling.
"Okay, Shut the fuck up!
Tris
Gidday cobber 
This is one of many timeworn traditions of the public schools I must admit to being guilty of perpetuating. It’s insiduous.
I did try to loosen things up by trying the call and response “Sgt. Hartman Syle” – emulating R. Lee Ermey from “Full Metal Jacket.”
Was never asked to give a staff meeting pep talk again, for some odd reason.
This is one of many timeworn traditions of the public schools I must admit to being guilty of perpetuating. It’s insiduous.
Once – I did try to loosen things up by trying the call and response “Sgt. Hartman Syle” – emulating R. Lee Ermey from “Full Metal Jacket.” YOU LADIES CALL THAT A ‘GOOD MORNING?’ BULL CHIPS! I CAN’T HEAR YOU! SOUND OFF LIKE YOU’VE GOT A PAIR!
Got a huge laugh, but I was never asked to give a staff meeting pep talk again, for some odd reason.
I am afraid that it is the time of the year where I have to concentrate on my seasonal greeting - “Savage Christmas and a violent New Year.”
Response
In your case, I guess any day you still wake up to is considered a good day.
I used to hate this when I was a kid at primary school – if any of my colleagues or speakers tried it now I would imagine I can still produce the withering look I perfected at about age 8…!
So last night I brilliantly raise this subject with the missus. Figured it might lead to a few moments of pleasant banter to pass a portion of our dreary existence.
Long story short, she thinks my unwillingness to cheerily respond to a speaker’s “Good morning!” betrays an incredibly negative attitude. (Tho, to her credit, she agrees that the “I can’t hear you!” is unpardonable. Thank heavens. Had she said otherwise, I might have had to beat her senseless with a frying pan!)
Yeah, we’re just a couple of perfectly matched lovebirds, we are!
I retaliate by coming up with a off-color rhyme to respond with:
SCUM WHORING!
“You can do better than that.”
“So can you.”
or
“No, we can’t.”
or
“That’s it, I’m going back to sleep.”
I can come up with a million of 'em.
Holy crap, do people seriously do that sort of thing? Outside junior school? That seems almost incredible to me, but perhaps I just haven’t spent enough time in the workforce. What is the motivation? Surely it isn’t thought to actually turn unenthusiastic workers into enthusiastic ones, so perhaps there’s some deeper motivation at play.
Sigh. That’s one of the few things I like about my job right now. One of the high muckity-mucks hauls my team into a meeting and tries the old interactive greeting? They’re met with silence, mumbles and Ron going “What the hell do you want?”
With the difference that the olive oil is Good For You and oughta be used in tiny amounts; I mean, nobody would expect anybody to really chug it!
I think it’s a conspiration to keep us from using the vending machine. It’s got both nutella-filled muffins and some sort of lite not-exactly-potato-chips which make Pringles taste like God’s own cooking. Yeech! The guy who fills it is probably related to the owner of the bar downstairs, I tell you. Snack Mafia.
Snack Mafia. That can be serious business.
“Listen, the Don, he likes the Nutella muffins and the Potatoesque Crisps and he would like very much that the manufacturers, they don’t take them off the market from poor sales, so he would consider it a personal favour to him if you put these in your vending machines and encourage your people to eat them. This is important to The Don, and you don’t want to upset him. The Don thinks it would be a shame if anything were to happen to your Twinkies, capice?”
They do, yes. They really do. As soon as I read the OP, I knew exactly what he was talking about. You won’t see it unless your job involves at least an occasional large and fairly impersonal meeting; people don’t usually do this at small gatherings where they know everybody present (and might get jeered in return).
I don’t think it’s about being a more enthusiastic worker, because I’ve seen guest speakers do it who don’t have any stake in how enthusiastically the listeners work.
I think, somehow, it’s supposed to make us into more enthusiastic meeting attendees. But it never does.
I love this and am going to use it at the next opportunity.
I’m currently a teller at a credit union. A lady walked up to my window (before I was ready, too. Dammit, when you see everyone else in front of you waiting until they hear “I can help who’s next”, do the same, ass) and chirped, “good morning!!!1111111111”.
So I smiled brightly and said, “hello!”
OH NO I DI’IN’T!
Apparently it’s a GRAVE INSULT to respond to a Good Morning with anything other than Good Morning. She stops in her tracks and says, “I SAID ‘Good Morning’”. At this point I’m confused, so I say, “Good morning?”
That cunt had the nerve to say, “that’s BETTER.” Oh, fuck that. So she saw the look I gave her (not evil death glare, but a 'what?? What’s wrong with saying ‘hello’? confused look) and she stomped off to bitch at Tracey next to me about what is WRONG with that girl over there and WHY CAN’T SHE SAY GOOD MORNING?
So apparently, it’s really really important to some people.
When I was in college, I had a 7 am organic chemistry class. 7 in the !@%@$# morning, and I’m NOT a morning person.
Even in the depths of winter, I would drag my sleepy carcass outa bed, into clothes, and shuffle my way across campus to this early morning torture.
My chemistry teacher would always beam at us and say “Good Morning Class!” all cheery and bright. I would mumble something.
After a few weeks, my teacher asked why I wasn’t all happy and awake and cheerful every morning. I explained to him that it was a friggin’ miracle I was even THERE. He didn’t get it. He figured, I was in class, I should be ready to go!
So every day I was in class, he made a special effort just for little old me. “Good MORNING CLASS!” Mumble mumble. “And how are you doing today Lola?” Mumble mumble.
When I graduated, I had my MOTHER come explain to him that I wasn’t a morning person, he hadn’t failed somehow, and that for me a 7 am class was like the Olympics.
I still don’t think he got it.