Right. So if all that’s needed according to Church Law is that one of the GPs be a Catholic, then if the “godfather” person has it covered, the OP need not lie, just say she’s signing up as a Witness (if she is a non-Catholic nominal Christian).
For colloquial family-relationship usage, nothing prevents the family from going on calling the person “godmother” if that’s what they feel best describes her role in the child’s life. It’s not like the Church will put a Cease and Desist on you.
And it means nothing WRT Legal Guardianship, it’s exclusively for religious purposes.
I’m going to apologise right here and now for what I’m about to say as its going to offend someone, somehow, at some time. Sorry.
Anyway, I have never been baptised. I have no interest in religion. My parents don’t particularly care for it either. But my older sister had my nephew 6 months ago and considering her husbands parents are Catholic, (they’re not overly fussed) they decided that to avoid future conflict and criticism that they would baptise him and if he should want to persue religion at a later stage, he would have no poblems. So considering my sister and I are quite close, her husband has no sisters, and I’m over 16…guess who got asked to be GodMummy?
When the time drew nearer…we had a few bumps in the road. We found out that I indeed had to be Catholic. Not to mention that the grandparents didnt know that i’m not Catholic. So my sister, her husband and I had a quiet chat.
The result? I read the commandments, a couple of stories about David, Moses, Jesus and his death. I wore almost the exact same geddup as the Grandmother and for the day I was a Catholic. I never see the grandparents, my sister and brother in-law dont care, and neither do I.
My adivce…who cares? Obviously the mum doesnt, why should you? Its just a silly certificate. If the kid is baptised its going to heaven in the eyes of the church anyway. Just fake it. Its easy.
Well, to some people, this is the kind of stuff you do not treat as “just a silly certificate”. As the OP mentions, she IS Christian, just not Catholic. “Faking it” has problems in all branches of Christianity, and people have to live with themselves. Then again she loves her friend and wants to make her happy.
Still (and now it’s my turn to apologize in advance) the initial posts kinda make the Mother sound like something of a “Holiday Catholic”. They should really have a heart-to-heart as to whether the formality of baptismal godparenthood is what’s needed for the role that they have in mind. (That Mom should tell the family to stop breathing down her neck about it, is another story)
2 years ago, some very close friends had a baby. The mother is Catholic, the father is non-religious. They asked me to be a godmother to their son. I made sure that we both knew what they meant by godparent, and that they knew I’m not Catholic. We agreed on both. The priest didn’t ask about my faith at all. I didn’t lie.
The mother’s brother also stood as godparent, and I’ve assumed he is Catholic, but I never asked, so the Church’s requirements were met. I got to promise to help raise a wonderful little boy to be a wonderful adult, so the parents’ requirements were met.
Being a godparent/sponsor in the Catholic church is related pretty much entirely to the spiritual upbringing of the child. In our case, the legal guardians of our kids are not the same people as their godparents.
It is quite possible that the priest at her church will ask for some verification that you are a Catholic in good standing. In our case the church preferred that the people not only be Catholic, but members of that parish.
However, there should be no obstacle to having you participate in the ceremony and she can call you a godparent if she wants to. You are also free to do all the things a godparent would. This has no legal standing, though. In order for you to get custody, she needs an ironclad statement in a trust or will.
Sounds like the most important thing in this situation is to get the legal stuff worked out. Your friend really wants to make sure that you (and not the grandparents) take care of the child if that’s ever required. Get yourselves to an attorney!
As you can see from this thread, canon law is observed more and less stringently depending on the parish/situation/country. I’d agree that the current trend is toward the more stringent side of the spectrum, but I’m sure that there are still lots of exceptions. If part of what you want to do is set an example for your godchild, you should go ahead and be a witness. I’m sure you’ll be called the godmother regardless.
My goddaughter was baptized in Germany. Her godfather isn’t Catholic. I don’t know if he’s officially listed as a witness or godfather, but I suspect the latter because the other godparents in the family are both Lutheran. Even though the role is officially a religious one, our role in the kids’ lives is broader than that. We’ve been there when they started school, at birthdays, concerts, and other major events as well as at First Communion and (coming soon!) Confirmation.
You guys rock. Thanks so much for all of the replies!
JRDelirious, “Holiday Catholic” as you used the term is probably a very good way to describe my friend’s attitude towards her religion. I even remember when she was baptized; we were in 5th grade, and she came to me and said: “My mom is becoming a catholic which means I am too. Want to come to my first communion?” It was more like an excuse to wear a pretty dress.
As for the whole “family breathing down her neck” thing…daddy comes from a Hispanic family, and mommy is a first American generation Filipino. It was a struggle for them to even get married, because of their parents’ domineering religious and cultural views regarding courtship, role in the family (the youngest daughter’s place in a Filipino family is at home taking care of the parents), intermixing races, etc. Much of what they do now is merely to please the parents and keep harmony. Of course, much of this would be relieved if they moved out of her parent’s house, but that’s another story!
Atheist Princess, thank you for your frank opinion (and no I’m not offended!). I’m also inclined to say “it’s just a silly certificate” – EXCEPT for the fact that this is something that millions of other people truly believe in. I’m not prepared to disrespect their beliefs and circumvent their practices based on my opinion of what they happen to believe in, or my desire to be there for my best friend’s baby boy. That’s why I posted the OP, searching for Doper knowledge about alternatives and to hear from Catholics on the gravity of the matter.
LifeOnWry, when my best friend’s first child was baptized, the priest didn’t even ask the religion of the godparent (our other best friend, who happens to be catholic). However, my friend is having the baptism done at a different parish this time, and they are strictly observing the canon, as is their right. I guess it really does vary from place to place, and depends on who you know.
Campion and Cunctator, thanks again for the cites on Canon law. I think I will ask my best friend to allow me to be a christian witness to the ceremony, and follow WhyNot’s suggestion about still calling me “godmomma” anyhow in every sense but the catholic one. I’ll also speak with her about securing legal guardianship in the event something unfortunate should happen.
John Carter of Mars, great story! Reminds me of me and my best friend in our more hellacious days. Got any more anecdotes to share?
Got any more anecdotes to share?