My friend, who served as my best man, is getting married in a few weeks. He and his wife-to-be are both Catholic, as well as the rest of the wedding party of approximately 10 other than my wife and myself. Of the people in the wedding party that I do know, including the bride and groom as well as two other groomsman/bridesmaid couples, they are all nominally Catholic but none of them are particularly devout. Pre-martial sex? Check. Pre-marital cohabitation? Check. Weekly church attendence? No check. Regardless, it seems that they are going to go through the motions like good Catholics and there will be a mass at the wedding.
I was raised as a Congregationalist (baptized and confirmed) and our wedding was in an Episcopal church that we attended for some time, but neither my wife nor I have ever been particularly religious and in the last few years we’ve settled into fairly solid agnosticism. What is the proper protocol for us during the wedding mass? Though I don’t take communion anymore, even on the rare occasion that I do find myself at church, I don’t have any particular problem with doing so to avoid disturbing the waters. My wife has never taken communion and isn’t even baptized. Are Catholic priests even supposed to give communion to hell-bound sinners like us? I imagine that this will get sorted out during the rehearsal, but I’m hoping that some dopers can give me some advance warning.
No communion for you. Just sit and let everyone past you to get up. Happens all the time, nobody should give you the stink eye over it. Other than that, most church services are pretty similar these days so you’ll probably get most of the rest of it. Lots of standing and sitting. It’s the Catholic low impact workout.
I’m a non-Catholic (atheist in fact) married to a Catholic. We married in a Cathlic church, but didn’t have the Mass as part of the ceremony. However, I do go to Mass from time to time, and (as others have said), you just don’t go to the front to take communion.
You can ask how involved they want the wedding party to be, and I assume with the big catholic mass you would go over it at the rehearsal. You can ask the couple or the priest what is actually expected of you.
When my friends asked my (then) wife and I to be their daughter’s godparents, we accepted. However, the priest would not allow me to be a part of the ceremony. They used a catholic stand-in. Seriously.
This is what I usually do, I just thought it might be different since I’m in the wedding party and I’ll already be up there.
I know that there are other restrictions on who can and can’t take communion but I recall one instance in particular. Back in 2004, I recall a bunch of priests saying that John Kerry couldn’t receive communion because he’s pro-choice. Is that an official policy, or were they just a bunch of super-conservative standouts?
I was baptized and raised Catholic, but turned atheist many years ago. After I’d left the church, I was a groomsman at my brother’s wedding. I knew going in that I wasn’t going to take communion; I feel it’s disrespectful to actively participate in rituals you don’t believe in, but I also didn’t want to cause a disruption (so that means standing, sitting, and kneeling at appropriate intervals, but not singing or repeating bits of prayers).
As it happened, everything turned out fine. At the rehearsal, we went through the bit where all the bridesmaids and groomsmen come up in pairs for communion. Sitting that out, clearly, would be kinda obvious to all present. However, there was a way through: the priest told the group that, if there was anyone who didn’t wish to take communion, we should just put our palms together in the classic “praying” position when we got to the front of the line, and nod our head to the priest. So, that’s what I did. I don’t think anyone but the priest even noticed when I did it, though he did seem a tiny bit surprised. So, if the priest doesn’t mention that during rehearsal, walk up and ask him privately.
Edited to add: I too was asked to be a godparent and declined, because my understanding of “godparent” is “person who is to be a child’s spiritual guide and advisor in the ways of this particular religion.” I’m honored to be asked, but I can’t fulfill that function.
It won’t be a big deal for the priest or anyone else, it happens with wedding parties all the time.
As already mentioned, when people go to receive the communion, simply remain in your seats.
At other points in the service, when everyone else stands, you should stand.
When everyone else sits, you should sit.
When everyone else (or at least, the Catholics) kneel, then you can stay seated. You could kneel if you would rather go along with the crowd, but remaining seated is fine as well.
I was never made aware of the spiritual part. My friends basically wanted to know that their daughter would be cared for if they both were to die. Moot point now, as the baby is 18 and her parents have long since split up.
From the Catholic point of view, the whole thing is a religious ceremony, and then within that, the standing is more of an “appropriate behavior” issue, similar to standing up for the national anthem. Of course, if it makes someone uncomfortable to stand during parts of a Catholic Mass, or stand for the national anthem, then by all means sit.
I’d guess the fiancee was able to get the previous marriage declared annulled (or it was a civil ceremony, therefore “never happened”) - or they wouldn’t have found a priest willing to marry them in the church.
I was a non-Catholic groomsman at a Catholic wedding (full mass). I simply informed the priest at the rehearsal that I would not be taking communion; he nodded; no issue at all.
(I was also singing; he did give me a strange look when I informed him that I didn’t need a microphone.)
The priest was an ass, with my apologies to quadrupeds and bums.
OP, you’re definitely not expected to take Communion; unless you’ve got a health problem, standing during parts where the Catholics are kneeling is respectful without, how to put this, being fake. Sort of like when the hymn of another country is played, I will stand respectfully but won’t do any additional gestures the folk of that country do.
Mom’s got serious health problems and hasn’t kneeled during Mass for ages. I see other people who don’t kneel or don’t stand, and my assumption is that they’re not feeling well, not “what a disrespectful moron, he shouldn’t be here if he can’t respect the situation!”
