My wife and I are from old school Irish American Catholic Families. Had the big Catholic wedding and mass. No issues at all with no Catholic friends in the wedding party or not taking communion. If I had it to do over again I’d skip the full mass. We yielded to pressure from my father on that point.
Cut to 14 years later, our daughter was baptized last month. We were required to have at least one Catholic God Parent. “It’s cannon law” according to the deacon. And any Catholic seeking to be a godparent had to bring a note from his/her pastor that they are active in the parish. Seriously a note. I felt like I’d stepped back 100 years.
Our best friends are Episcopal. We’ve each known each other for over 15 years. We were in each other’s weddings. We’re God Parents to their youngest. So we were forced to pick the wife of this couple as a godmother and have my father in law as god father.
To say that I was embarrassed of my church, my faith was an understatement. We seriously considered not have her baptized into the Catholic faith.
If you don’t kneel (which is fine), when everyone else is, try to scoot up to the front of your seat, so the people behind you have a place to put their hands when they are kneeling.
Well, the whole purpose of a godparent is to help as a spiritual guide in the Catholic faith as the child grows. It doesn’t make sense to me that a non-Catholic would be willing or able to do this.
Not sure what a note would do though, that is strange. I attend Mass regularly, but probably would not count as “active,” since I don’t participate in other activites. Would I have to show my cancelled checks from the collection?
I think the role of godparent has changed over the years. The spiritual thing is no longer the intention for most people. It’s someone they trust to parent the child. I know plenty of non-religious people who do the godparent thing. THey should probably change the name to ‘death guardian’ or something.
As far as the Catholic Church is concerned the major role of the godparent is as a Catholic spiritual example and guide. We have one set of Catholic godparents who sponsored our kids at baptism and another non-Catholic set who have agreed to raise our children in the event something happens to us.
First, any prior marriage, even a civil marriage, must be annulled before a person is free to marry in the church. Civil marriages suffer from what’s called a “defect of form,” and so are particularly easy to annul, but they still must be annulled; they’re not simply a “never happened, so we ignore it” issue.
Now, godparents. Jinson Jim’s deacon was correct – it is, in fact, canon law that any godparent be Catholic. When there are two adults involved, only one must be Catholic; the other, if not Catholic, is a “Christian witness,” as opposed to a godparent. I am certain that the “note” required was not to show that the proposed godparent was active in the parish in the normal sense of the word; as Skara Brae speculates, how they even judge such a thing – canceled checks? No, the note was almost certainly simply to verify that the proposed godparent was registered in the parish and a baptized, confirmed Catholic, and therefore eligible to serve as godparent.
I’m not sure why Jinson Jim feels “embarrassed of [his] church” as a result. The role of godparent is (together with the parents) to present the child for baptism, to help the child live a Catholic life befitting the baptized and to faithfully fulfill the duties inherent in baptism. How can this duty be reasonably imposed upon a non-Catholic?
Nava suggests a priest that doesn’t permit a non-Catholic to serve as a godparent was being an ass. Again, as long as one godparent is Catholic, canon law (Can. 874 ß2) provides another may serve simply as a Christian witness to the baptism. But if neither is Catholic, the law is clear: Can. 874 ß1 provides that godparents must:
Another confirmation that it’s not a problem; it’s common to have non-Catholic people in the wedding party.
I’d just add that it would be a good idea to mention this at the rehearsal, either to the priest, or whoever is in charge of the rehearsal (such as the church’s wedding coordinator). Different churches have different approaches on how to handle this logistically (e.g., do you walk up and just not take communion, or stay out of the process entirely) and it’s good to make sure everyone’s on the same page, so you don’t have an awkward moment during the ceremony.
Heh, I feel our pain. I’m a Jew married to a Catholic, and I wanted our best friends to be Godparents, but it was not on - he’s a Protestant married to a Muslim.
We had a laugh about that - so Toronto, a Jew having to explain to a Muslim and a Protestant that they aren’t Catholic enough to be godparents to his kid …
I was a best man at a Catholic wedding and also asked to be a godparent. The wedding part was a breeze. The whole thing is rehearsed and the Priest is a professional - really, he gets paid to do this stuff all the time and has seen heathens before - and there is a procedure in place for almost anything.
I had to turn down the Godparenting as I didn’t believe I could guide a child through the Catholic faith, what with being a nonbeliever and all. Don’t know what I was thinking - I could have been the Godfather.
The surprise that I wasn’t ready for was the party afterward. The only weddings I’d ever been to were Baptist and they don’t have parties after wedding, especially like New York Catholics. I had to make toasts! And the party went on for hours after the couple left.
It sounds like technically, almost no one in the wedding party should be receiving communion, since they’re not in the state of grace required to receive.
It depends – which is why we leave it to the priest to determine who may receive communion. You don’t know if someone was moved by their upcoming participation in the mass to draw Father aside for a few moments and make a good confession. We assume, in charity, that those who approach communion have examined their own conscience and are properly situated to receive it.
When I go to Catholic ceremonies with high heathen counts (weddings, funerals) the priest usually says that if you want be blessed instead of getting communion, to put your hand over your heart. That way Aunt Clenchanus won’t see that you are refusing sacrament and spend the next 3 years harping about it at every clan gathering.
Your family may differ.
Also, don’t make the sign of the cross when everyone else does. You’ll probably do it wrong, and you don’t believe in it anyway.
I went to my brother’s Catholic wedding (sans mass) and there was no kneeling or no communion - but they did make the sign of the cross a lot. There were many of us who didn’t because it’s not a part of our religious (or non-religious) practices and no one said anything.
There is NO leaning during kneeling. If there is anything I retained from my many years of Catholic school it is that Sister Theresa Marie would find and punish you if your butt touched the pew behind you or if any part of you rested on the pew in front.
The Catholic Sign of the Cross is almost impossible to mess up unless one is used to the Orthodox way: Forehead, Midtorso, Left breast, Right breast.
If you are so inclined, you could stand up during Communion with your arms crossed over your chest (mummy-style) to receive a blessing.
Re the comments about non-Catholics not allowed to receive Communion or being godparents at Catholic-baptisms. Yeah, it’s just awful when a church actually decides to keep its rules. :rolleyes: (Would that they did it more often!)
FriarTed and Bricker, I should have been clearer. After all, I wouldn’t have been The Nephew’s Godmother if the Proud Daddy hadn’t reckoned that at least one of the Godparents needed to be able to find her way inside a church for non-social occasions.
But if all the explanation someone gives is “you can’t be a godparent because you’re not Catholic,” that someone is an ass.
The reason for that is in the RCC the god parents are supposed to raise the children Catholic if the parents die or do not. The godparents are to be in a sort of way the child’s spiritual guides. At least that was the case years ago.
Absolutely, even if we know that assumption is false. I’ve got my own sins to worry about, not someone else’s.
For some reason, a friend of mine felt it was important to be married in the church so she went to Confession as apparently it was a requirement. She wasn’t repentant and resented having to do it. I can’t imagine why she got married there if she had no intention to practice, and made a sham of the whole thing. Again, none of my business, but I hate hearing about it and she enjoys telling the story to show how disillusioned she is with the Catholic Church.
